To really, really want a third DC

I felt like you do (although it's different coz I have 3 due to having ivf twins after many months of failed single transfers). I'm 41. When the twins were about a year or so, and all of that first year, I really really thought I'd want to transfer our final embryo from the freezer (yes and have 4!). One day I woke up and just felt like that was the very last thing I wanted to do! You may find it just passes. If you're going to do it get on with it! Short age gaps = children with more in common and nappy stage over sooner!

I have seen this since my last post.

I was very confused as I was in agreement about the thought of a third. I went back up and could see the comment above mine was maybe a bit more inflammatory so could spot the likely mistake.

Huh? Are you sure it was me you meant to reply to? I said I know how you feel.

It’s really common to feel broody at this age. It passes I promise!

So sorry @SkyFullofStars1975

We had 4 - sadly no 2 was stillborn, so when DC4 was born, DH said he was very much done watching me go through pregnancy and birth! Also, I'd been strongly advised not to risk another pregnancy as I'd had 2 very difficult C sections for the last 2 babies.

It was like a bereavement of sorts, and it really pulled me down - DC4 was a fabulous baby, and I savoured every second but there was that knowing that I'd never do it again and I felt very sad about it for a couple of years. But then in truth I think I had room in my heart for dozens of babies.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting babies. My long awaited 3rd (10 year age gap) is still little and I would happily have another already.

I was heartbroken when I couldn’t (it’s been a difficult journey) have anymore after our second and I found it so hard to accept. I’m so happy our little one finally joined our family and the older two are wonderful with him. For us, he really has just slotted into our family perfectly, others have even commented on it. I understand that is not a given though and you never know how things will pan out.

Whenever I get broody, it hits me so powerfully! So I totally understand the struggle op. Only you and your dh can decide whether you are able to add to your family or not.

The finality of never having another baby will always make me sad I think.

Ah, I’m the twat, am I? Lovely.

Those were genuine questions to ask what you would find helpful, OP. No rudeness or hostility intended and I’m sorry that I clearly missed the mark there.

I wish you well.

Genuinely, I don’t think it is either.

It’s reasonable to ask why an OP would like from a thread. Sometimes folk want to work through their feelings, sometimes they want a listening ear, sometimes they want to rage and say things they can’t say in real life.

It would be completely understandable if you felt anger or resentment towards your DH for not wanting DC3, even if you know that these feelings are irrational. It would be very sensible indeed to work through those feelings with strangers online rather than in real life!

Maybe that poster hit a nerve you didn’t realise was raw.

I don’t know, I’m the middle of three (with large age gaps) and have somewhat revised my views of my own childhood as I have gone through different phases of my own parenting journey. I’m acutely aware of what I can provide my own teen DC in terms of time and attention, compared to what I experienced myself.

My parents were generally good, caring and responsible parents, especially my mother. But, to be frank, I think there were times when each of us was not considered as much as we could have been because they were busy and distracted by supporting another child. House moves at inopportune points in our education; lack of support with homework (luckily for them we were all bright studious pupils!); medical problems that became urgent before they were addressed; quite serious emotional issues that were not even noticed - one of my siblings now has lifelong MH issues. They were older parents for the period and, looking back, I think they particularly seemed to run out of steam in their early fifties. No wonder, as they had already been parenting for 20+ years and still had a further decade to go!

While large age gaps are unlikely to affect you, please consider the impact of dividing your attention between three as opposed to two children. I think this is often under-emphasised in these discussions whereas the benefit of having further siblings is often overstated. Even three lots of homework is something to bear in mind!

All the best.

I don’t see anyone else whose posts warranted the implicit insult of twattery either, tbh. Like you say, just goes to show.

Have a nice evening. I hope you get what you need from the thread.

Speak for yourself.

Well I’m pregnant with my fourth. I will be thrilled if they’re twins 😍😍

Have them too! I did!

I presume it's more of a problem when it's number 3 and unplanned number 4 than if it's numbers 1 and 2 when many parents plan 2 children anyway.

We were sort of hoping for twins first time around as we wanted 2 and I hated pregnancy. If we'd gone for a third (we did not) and it had been twins, it would have been a disaster...

I was my mum’s fourth child at 44, so I have to agree it’s a good idea!

That being said, I’m at the opposite end of things. When I’m 44 my two will be 20 and 18 (and I’ll be free 😂). But since your two are preschool aged anyway, I say go for it: (If DH agrees).

I do get what you're saying
I'm very grateful our complex needs child was the first born and a singleton (had he been a twin, the other one likely would have been healthy) because I just don't know what we'd have done with with twin 4 year olds at home when DS was in and out of hospital for 18 months. And we did hold off TTC no2 because he'd been such a scary journey and we needed him to be stable before we'd even consider it.

Well, I’ve caught up on the posts since I posted earlier this afternoon and reached the one where you implicitly called a pp a twat for a perfectly innocuous post, and there are quite a lot of posters swiping at each other. So yes, it feels a bit prickly and I’m not going to share very sensitive, personal details about my own DC as a result. I’m sure you understand.

No, I don’t think anyone ever is. That’s not why people don’t ask that question wrt DC1. The question isn’t really, or at least solely, about the parents. Having DC2, 3, 4 etc means taking into account the impact of the additional child on your existing child(ren). I don’t feel especially comfortable sharing my personal experience of this on a fairly antagonistic thread but it’s a valid question to consider.

Haven’t rtwt
three is lovely
teenagers are (sometimes) lovely
if you don’t get number 3 you definitely get to have a pet. That’s the law.

No

Yep.