AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

I can see issues looming with the couples with kids. Will they pay 5 shares/3 shares I bet the argument will be kids don’t drink (alcohol) Kids eat less - well depends on their ages So in this scenario separate bills is the best way. Or dare I say someone whip out a calculator!

I just pay for drinks at the bar, much easier.

I’ve never been to a restaurant that hasn’t let you split the bill. They should work because you’re paying them. We usually just up the tip to compensate. With cards it’s really very quick to pay separately.

I agree with this. It's not much fun for the people on a budget to fret about how much they'll end up paying at the end if someone insists on splitting the bill or if they do assert themselves feeling embarrassed about it. Much better to be upfront and there's absolutely no issue on the day.

Incidentally some people are such CFs though that they somehow miscalculate how much their meal costs so when the cardreader goes round there's mysteriously not enough on the total to cover the full bill (including service charge) so someone else's tip actually ends up covering another person's bill.

Yes, this! I don’t understand why it’s so complicated? Before I had a child we’d generally just glance at the bill, round up a little and split equally between couples but now I make a point and say I’ll pay a little extra as we have DC’s meal to pay for too. Sometimes if we’ve had less drinks due to parenting a toddler then the others will insist just to split it equally again as it works out the same though…but we’re all overly fair and no one in any groups I seem to go out with is a CF 🤷🏻‍♀️

I wouldn’t want to be the one who paid the whole amount then everyone pays me. You would bound to be out of pocket. Someone would forget or a few people would send the wrong amount, not deliberately, just not calculated properly. I go out a lot with big groups and it only works if everyone pays the same eg a set meal then split the drinks.

All that happens then is that people will "forget" to send the original person their share. Much easier to giver someone cash, or for the waiting staff to go around the table and take a share on each card.

Exactly this - I've never been anywhere where they've refused to do this either.

In Germany they actually ask you proactively if you are paying separately or together!

I'd offer to pay the whole bill upfront but get everyone to write down what they order. Then send everyone their total (including their share of the tip) and your bank details afterwards. That's what we've taken to doing recently and it saves a lot of faffing at the restaurant. Of course, that's assuming you have the money available to cover the cost initially.

In this situation if you are not prepared for an equal split of costs (likely to happen if people won't discuss beforehand) I'd just bring enough cash to cover your own if they don't want to sort it out then you put down what you owe and let them sort the rest between them.

This is exactly the scenario in which people get embarrassed and pissed off because they’ve ended up feeling obliged to subsidise some teenager’s fillet steak when they’ve only had a salad because that’s what they can afford!

If someone takes the bill at the table and just starts doing a straight split, anyone who objects in the moment could look like a dick and make everyone feel uncomfortable. What’s fun about that?

It’s perfectly reasonable and sensible to manage expectations up front to avoid exactly that situation. There are good suggestions here that allow the OP to do that in a way that’s not heavy-handed.

I think maybe people are conflating splitting the bill and separate bills on one table, hence the disagreement. I agree splitting the bill when the card reader comes round has always been fine. Separate bills are a massive PITA for restaurants and I understand why they don’t want to do them, especially if it’s like 10 people all wanting their own bill on a table of 10. I went to a v popular pub for lunch yesterday and I noticed on the booking confirm that it said “no separate bills” ( more politely but to that effect). I imagine it just takes up staff time for no benefit

It also depends on how the initial invitation was worded.

most people will not expect the birthday boy or girl to buy everyone dinner.

for my 30th I paid for the drink at the table and let everyone split the food. But that was a nice surprise for people, it wasn’t expected. The table for about twenty people. I could not have paid the full bill!!

I split the bill every time I go out. You just give them your card and say “Can I pay £55 please”. And then the next person gives them their card and says how much they want to pay
That's what we always do.
I never ask for separate bills. One bill comes out and we either split or pay for what we had, depending on the group and meal.

Do it

Never had an issue with a restaurant splitting a bill, either by taking the card reader round separately asking how much each is paying or issuing separate bills. Seems to be more common in my experience with them asking at the point of ordering now than before.

I assume its your DH or close whose birthday it is, and the rest have form for getting you to cover it?

Tell the group in advance about wanting to split the bill. Don't do it after you have eaten.

Also many places are happy for you to pay separately but expect you to work out what you have each had.

In my experience the server usually just walks around with the cardreader and asks each person how much they are paying. It's never been an issue.

I split the bill every time I go out. You just give them your card and say “Can I pay £55 please”. And then the next person gives them their card and says how much they want to pay.

How odd, I don't recall ever going to a restaurant that wouldn't split the bill.

Should really be made clear at the moment of inviting so that people can accept or not accordingly - but in any case I would not wait until the actual meal.

Perhaps the person can say ‘’Looking forward to seeing you on Saturday - drinks are (or dessert is) on me’, this subtly hinting that food is not.

Otherwise I think it might be best to actually call each invitee and check that splitting the bill is ok for everyone.

I've never been anywhere that would do this.

It's not easy for the restaurant, it's a PITA.

I'll never understand this on MN. For any group I've been with, the bill is sent around & everyone checks their order, and amount, having broadly known what the cost of their meal was & then adds in extra for a tip.

Sometimes one person pays & others transfer the money immediately.

In younger child free days we did just split evenly but most people ate & drank the same, wouldn't be the case now.

I do agree with OP about making it clear that the person having a birthday is not paying for everyone!

Ah hate these types of scenarios I now tend to look at menu in advance work out how much my food + tip will be and take cash to cover that and then go to bar to order drinks separately when people ask why your going up and down I just try and say casually makes it easier to split the bill per order at the end. Also you can just go up quietly after you've finished your meal and pay for what you've had

Could also send a text with hi guys looking forward to seeing everyone on X, just to try and avoid any awkwardness we are on set budget so won't be joining in with table drinks and nibbles. So slap away my hand if I reach for your bottle!

Of hi everyone it's group meal time! Just to let you know me and hubby will being asking waitress for separate bill to make things easier at end of night x

It sounds like there is already an understanding that people will pay by family unit and everybody else thinks it will be fine on the night. I can’t see why you need to do anything.