AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

@Miyagi99
The set menu did help because everyone had paid their £30 in advance (it was a cheaper and simpler time!) so there was absolutely no quibble about who had eaten which dishes.

“Not sure if they will bill us separately or not but we are cutting back on our spending atm so we will be paying for what we order plus tip rather than splitting. Happy to chip in to treat Simon as it’s his birthday though.”
Take cash. Including change, and work out what your bill is before they bring it so you can plonk your share down before anyone suggests “right, that’s £90 each then”. order drinks from the bar and make sure you stump up for the add ons like bottled water and olives that people always think aren’t really theirs.

Exactly this - I've never been anywhere where they've refused to do this either.

I think the PP meant that the restaurant won't issue a separate bill for each person/couple. They're happy for you to pay separately but expect you to work out how much you owe.

We just calculate the bill plus a tip by number of people, so if there are say 20 of us we split the bill by 20 people. (For easiness) the bill plus tip is £20, I pay £4 for my family, my dad pays £2 for him and mum, my grandma pays £1, my sister pays £5 for her 5 etc etc. You might want to treat drinks differently if there are children.

I'm not sure what your role in this is, therefore it's hard to word perfectly.

Did the person whose birthday it is do the inviting? Is there a possible expectation that someone (birthday person/ their partner?) will pay for all?

Whichever, it's far better to resolve now that on the day.

'Morning all, just to clarify that due to the range of numbers and ages, it will be fairest for each family to pay their own share'.

Then if the restaurant won't do separate bills, then at least no one will be surprised when someone gets out a phone to do the calculations!

Send a message ‘hi, can I just check do people prefer to split the bill equally or just pay for what we eat and are we treating the birthday person?’

A set menu would be no different, people just need to remember what they ate!

The only way I have ever seen this work perfectly at a large group meal was to have a set menu (which everyone paid for in advance) then you each paid for drinks as you ordered them. The waitress came around with a card machine and you paid before she went away to get each drink. It felt a bit clunky at first but actually worked really well.

Could you do a set menu?

I’ve been in two restaurants recently, one with a large party and the other smaller. Restaurant had no problem splitting the bill.

People are confusing splitting the payment between multiple cards and getting completely separate bills.

Pretty much all restaurants will let you pay one bill using multiple cards. Not many will bring 4-5 separate bills to one table.

There's a difference, the first one you are doing all the working out and telling the waitress how much you'd like to pay on each card. The second makes their job much more difficult.

I think people are conflating a few issues. Certainly it is sensible to make sure everyone is going in clear on people should pay their own way, this isn’t a 4 way split etc. And certainly the restaurant will be fine for people to pay different amounts - I’m paying cash 30, he is 40 card, she is 50 card. But that is keeping the admin and negotiating within the table.

It is a different matter to expect the restaurant to run multiple different bills and you are only presented with the one with your food and drink on. If you’re relying on the restaurant to do all the admin I would phone, speak to the manager and make sure that this is something they can and will do for you.

I have a huge family that eat out regularly together. We pay at the bar for drinks (this is easily the biggest cause of confusion). Afterwards each family just pays their food portion off at the bar/till. I've never had a problem and it's easy to remember what you've eaten.

We split one in half recently which was pretty easy for the waitress.

Where it is a pain is where there is a large group who don't know each other so well. Best to get some arrangement sorted before you all get drunk or someone buggers off without paying, or without leaving enough cash.

With a family or close group we tend to just split it two ways or one person pays and money is transferred.

It's normal these days, most people pay for themselves. I eat out a lot and no restaurant has had an issue.

Make sure everyone pays their share of the service charge too as the card reader goes around the table, or the last person will be hit for all of it!

I was going to say the same about treating the birthday person and I think your wording there is absolutely perfect. Clear and succinct and there's no room for you paying for CFs ordering lobster whilst you have crab sticks.

Not really the point, but I think everyone else should cover the birthday person’s bill between them.
I’d send a message to all except the birthday person: ‘Re: Sat night, I take it we’re all treating X? So will split their bill 13 ways and add it to our own personal/family amount. See you then!’

That's how we generally always do it too. Work out from the bill what you've had, and pay for it.

This. I don’t think giving the waiter/waitress notice makes any difference.

Yep. Been doing this for years. Never been anywhere that refused this

Makes no odds to them as the bill is one bill, they just go round the table with the card reader and each group/individual pays for what they’ve had.

Many restaurants do an automatic service charge for parties of 6 or more hence why they may not want to split bills for you.

If I couldn't afford to pay for all and it was my birthday, in this scenario, I would split the bill by the people going with children eating off the kids menu counting as half. So 8 x 1 =8(adults) and 4x0.5 =2(children)=10 total.

So 3 couples pay 20% of the bill each
Family of 1 adult 3 children pays 25% of the bill
Family of 1 adult 1 child pays 15% of the bill.

Since the birthday host isn't paying for food for their party, I would assume that they'd at least pay for 3 or 4 bottles of wine for the table plus arrange for jugs of water on the table. Anyone wanting any extra drinks orders separately at the bar.

But actually, in our friendship group the bill would probably be paid for by the host, or split equally (but no-one would take the mickey or eat and drink to excess, and people having an extra course etc always offer to chip in more).

@EnjoythemoneyJane completely agree.

@ExcitingRicotta just read back on your reply and think how stressful it is for those with not much disposable cash to go out with you. Talk about tone deaf 🙄

just tot up what your family has spent and pay that (with tip) on the card reader when it comes round!