AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

Ok just read your update. If they’ve passed it on for you to organise then fine

I think though the birthday person thinks it will work out and doesn’t really want someone else dictating what everyone else does at their birthday meal?

It’s absolutely fine for the OP to state they just want to pay for their own family. But I don’t think they get to dictate what others do? Especially the person whose birthday it is and who has organised this. They have stated their preference and it’s their event

Sorry, I meant equal per person, definitely need to be sorted in advance! But I think most people will want to just pay for what they order.

YANBU

Equal split isn't fair as there will be parties ranging from a family of five to a couple.

I’d just say to waiter “separate bill for me, please”, at the table.

‘Hi everyone, really looking forward to the meal and all being together. To avoid confusion, let’s set up the tab on a family by family basis? OK with everyone? ‘

The difficulty is that then the poor birthday person gets their ‘tab for one’: if I was one of the family I would put their bill on mine and treat them.

This is a really good idea!

I’ve always split the bill and restaurants have never had any issues.

Some you need to remember what your order and pay separately afterwards or some you can order and pay separately before the meal is served (usually pub type places).

I always take some cash too, so if we’re all putting in for the birthday persons meal it’s easier to do if everyone/most people have cash.

I’d send a message saying that you’re happy to all pay for your own meal and drinks and then split the birthday persons bill between the rest of the adults.
And how do they feel about it.

If one of you has an iPhone then the app is called Splitwise and is free.

"I've never been anywhere that would do this.

It's not easy for the restaurant, it's a PITA."

Bollocks. The machine does it for you, it couldn't be easier 🤣

"Will the restaurant do that though? Probably less than 10% of restaurants I go to will split bills. In this day/age they expect you to sort it between yourselves, not make work for them."

Pmsl 🤣 of course they will. "In this day and age" the tech does it for them.

Why not split between 5 couples , 4 kids won’t eat drink/much and cost is split over the 5 couples

Isn’t this exactly what she wants to avoid? 4 kids under 2 who eat off their parents plate and bring their own drink won’t cost much. 4 teens could easily cost more than an adult. It’s also highly annoying, even without the kids,, when you’ve only ordered a pasta main and tap water, specifically because you are skint, to have someone who has had 4 courses plus wine, plus coffee, plus brandy announce that you owe them £160 for your “fair share”.

Isn't there a bill splitter app? Pretty sure someone mentioned this on a similar thread.

Can't you just say "we'll split the birthday person equally between us and can everyone keep a running total of what they have to make it fair at the end".

Essentially everyone needs to pay for themselves/ their family.
They think it will all work out fine on the night. I think a quick message on the group text will save any confusion/ awkwardness on the night and give us a chance to warn waitress to bill separately.

Don't take a chance it will 'work out on the night' As for saying the four children won't cost much, it depends whether they're two or twelve years old!

A quick group text is ideal: hi all, looking forward to seeing you at the restaurant to celebrate Simon's birthday - as we're all paying for our own families, why don't we all chip in for a bottle of bubbly to toast the birthday boy? What do you think? Cheers!

Separate bills are a massive PITA for restaurants and I understand why they don’t want to do them, especially if it’s like 10 people all wanting their own bill on a table of 10.

Separate bills is pretty standard in other countries though so the technology definitely exists, not sure why it’s not made it over here.

For example, I lived in Canada for several years and separate bills - so one for each individual - when out in a group was actually the default option unless you specifically asked for a joint bill, it was bloody great; they had no issue with the size of your group either so 10+ etc.

There is no way of wording that text that doesn’t say ‘just to be clear I am not paying for this’. Are you an over-thinker or do people invited have a tendency to expect to be paid for ? If so, don’t have dinner with them or take them to nandos where you pay at the til first!

I can’t imagine ever expecting to be paid for. For the last 25 years, my dad has always paid the bill in restaurants because he is very wealthy (and he’s usually chosen somewhere expensive) but not once have DH or I not offered to pay. He won’t accept but he appreciates the offer and appreciates that we always buy coffees or a round of drinks etc and go all out when we host him

Nice bit of ingrained sexism to presume the wait staff is a waitress.
Anyway....

Not sure I'd post it in the group chat.

If it's a family thing then one family member private messages another family member saying 'let's each pay for our own family, then we can let them know in advance we'll go up to the till and pay, is that fair?'

The situation already sounds sensitive because it sounds like someone has gotten stung for paying for everyone before, or foolishly offered to and nobody said anything.

I’ve been to plenty of restaurants that won’t split the bill and it says so on the menu.

It’s better to avoid awkwardness at the end of a good meal by ensuring that people know they are paying for their own, and agreeing that the birthday person’s meal is covered if all are happy to split it amongst the adults.

Why not contact the restaurant beforehand and find out their preferred way of splitting bills, then let people know.

Everyone needs to be on board beforehand so no CFs with lobster and vintage champagne subsidised by the family with children eating child meals.

Why not split between 5 couples , 4 kids won’t eat drink/much and cost is split over the 5 couples

But it's not your birthday / meal? Surely it should come from the organiser? And i think it's totally normal to just add up what you had and ask to pay "£xx"