AIBU to want bill splitting sorted out in advance?

This is why I always took cash when I was single and offered to pay my share.
Some men love going around claiming women that don't split the bill are gold diggers, when in reality most women do drink and eat less than men.
I am 100% ok paying ful bill for my DH but not some bloke I just met. And men can sniff woman with money much beter than woman on pms days

I've had the no separate bill thing - on an occasion when I'd done into a full restaurant and a couple had invited me to share their table for 4 people.
Central London, mid priced Indian.
Should be easy enough to check with the restaurant in advance.

Never eat out with people who want to count every penny. They always put a downer on the evening

Dear oh dear, how dreadful that some people don't have very much money. Even the cheapest place is no good if someone has three courses and someone else only has one.

Or that they don't want to subsidise CFs.

Sure if there’s massive differences like that. See also pregnant friends, people driving and not drinking.

We just split in our circle of friends. I don’t sit there thinking ‘oh Sandra had the steak and an extra glass of wine’
I split with one group of friends but another group are vegans and don’t drink much so each couple pays for what they’ve had. If we split with them then we’d be CF’s.

Agree. But for some reason it’s not a popular opinion on Mumsnet. We just split in our circle of friends. I don’t sit there thinking ‘oh Sandra had the steak and an extra glass of wine’.

I view that it all comes out in the wash and tends to even up. Nobody takes the piss.

Hi
DH and I will stick to paying for what we order on Saturday night. Look forward to seeing you all x

Them let everyone else sort themselves up. If there’s one bill add up what you’ve ordered add your tip or service charge and ask to pay that amount in your card.

I'm with you on both points.

Go to a place that the poorest member of the group can afford.

Never eat out with people who want to count every penny. They always put a downer on the evening.

Sometimes it isn't always the difference of £10. In my experience some people would have starters, expensive main meal, dessert, coffee, cocktails and wine. Not everyone can eat 3 courses and not everyone drinks alcohol. I'd prefer friends who didn't take the piss.

We just split the bill. Who cares if someone spent €10 more. Friendship is more important.
Only once in my long life has someone wanted to pay their own, saying she only had one glass of wine out of the bottle...well, so did I but she steadfastly held her corner and I just paid for the shortfall. Never asked her to join us again.
Go places that are affordable to all, that's the key.

I've been on quite a few dates where the guy has asked to 'take me out' and then wanted to split the bill after ordering meat starters and mains and I've had the cheap veggie option and less to drink than him - I seethe but I just can't seem to say anything at the moment as it feels petty.

When I go out with friends I find that someone usually does a quick sweep to double check people have ordered similar amounts and anyone who did order a starter desert and sides and expensive wine usually owns up and offers to pay more, any non drinkers are invited to pay less (when I was pregnant I usually drank non alcoholic gin so usually declined the offer as it's basically the same price!)

Yes, I taught you well and you learnt quickly.

Although the rudeness was sarcastic so perhaps it was insinuated more than implied.

But I still think your reply was better than mine, so I'm going to admit defeat.

Thats rude.
See ‘ I ‘ understand implied speech.

At least you have learnt that things don't have to be said, they can be implied.

So whatever 2 plus 2 makes, it's been an enriching experience for you.

Really.
2 + 2 = 5

It was implied by Seaweed when she said it was sexist to assume the waiter/waitress was a woman. The only way that could be sexist is if being a waiter/waitress was seen as a lowly position that was only fit for a woman.

No one mentioned being a waitress is something to be ashamed of.
No ‘ingrained snobbery’

Nice bit of ingrained snobbery to presume that being a waitress is something to be ashamed of.

Um … no, that’s not actually what I said, is it @ExcitingRicotta? I said you ‘may look like’ a bit of a dick for derailing the bill splitting once it’s in progress, especially if everyone else is happy with an even split (or pretending to be).

Your attitude is very strange. You think mentioning this up front so everyone knows where they stand is somehow taking the ‘fun’ out of the evening (??!!) and it’s ‘depressing’ that everyone’s not advising the OP to leave it to chance. When she’s obviously asked for help because that’s exactly what she doesn’t want to do!

Managing people’s expectations is not because you’d expect them to be ‘unkind’ or ‘difficult’, it’s actually to avoid confusion in the moment which could lead to awkwardness or embarrassment, or guests feeling obligated to pay more than they expected or can afford. The number of threads that pop up along these lines suggests it’s a fairly common occurrence.

Agree with others. Most restaurants won't issue separate bills per person/family for the same table but are usually more than happy to take multiple payments on the card reader, and in fact the last couple of places I've been to there's been a note on the bottom of the bill that tells you what the amount per person/unit would be assuming an even split.

In terms of managing this particular event, surely it's not difficult for most adults to keep a v rough running total in their head of what they've eaten? And for those that can't, we've all got phones, just tot it up as you go.

Communication wise, your update clearly tells the other attendees that the expectation is separate payments for own consumption, so I think you're good to go.

Here's a video. My daughter got me into it- she's a uni student who spends lots of time with friends who are all very different in what they eat and spend
vm.tiktok.com/ZGJwgvx7F/

If they're trustworthy then one person pays. Download the Tab app. Then you just list all the different groups (couple one, couple 2 etc), photograph the receipt and just allocate everything as appropriate. For things like bottles of wine you can allocate them to multiple people. You can either split the tip evenly or just allocate the food and drinks and more the tip,percentage and it splits it proportionally.

We used it after a night out recently and it honestly took me 5 mins to figure out how to use it then 5 mins to split everything fairly. We had a nightmare scenario- lots of different financial situations, singles, couples, families, carnivore steak eating drinkers and vegan tee totallers and a non drinker who ordered £10 mocktails and someone who could only come for the main.... would have been hellish. Took 5 mins and they all just sent me the money.

@EnjoythemoneyJane
You’re suggesting that someone is a dick for just paying their share of the bill and saying it at the time of paying?!

@Greenberg2
If someone feels embarrassed asserting themselves over this I’d suggest they’re dining with the wrong people. Especially if the variation in bill is significant enough to cause financial stress - perhaps better go out for dinner with people who don’t make you feel like this? And if it’s so hard to say then just excuse yourself at the end and pay your share directly.

@pipsquiggle
Which bit of me clearly stating that it’s fine for people to pay their fair share do you have a problem with?

Honestly this thread is a bit depressing. The idea that so many people expect other people to be unkind or difficult about splitting a bill accurately, rather than evenly, is really sad.

As an aside, never seen UK restaurants calculate bills by person as I know is common (and v useful!) in other countries, but it’s really not that difficult with a phone calculator.

Just a word of warning - following on from @BotanicalNames suggestion of everyone paying off their reckoning on the table staff's card machine...If everyone rounds up by 10% for tip, and the last guest is unscrupulous, the waitress says there's nothing more to pay (because the 10%s have added up to one meal) and mr/ms stingy says nothing and has a free meal, with the tip. I've seen it happen...