She shows up drunk

Really good of you to update OP. Hopefully she's on a path to a better time of things.

That's good to know, OP. Here's hoping it was a one-off.

To be honest I would have taken her keys off her. Put her in the car with you and either drop her home/cab office/bus stop or to the hospital and called her a taxi.

Or you could have told her you're on your way to work, but you'll drop her off on the way. She can collect her car later, when sober.

It was your choice not to go into work though. You could have rang them and told them you were going to be late or at least gone in at 11am after she left?

I think you did a kind thing trying to help someone who was clearly upset and drunk, if it’s a one off I would except an apology but would give her some slack.

@Ramalangadingdong ok, I agree she’d have felt awful if something had happened so taking her keys and calling her a cab would have been better. I still don’t think it was right to miss work. I’m sensitive too but I’m also responsible and committed to my job- it’s not an either or situation.

I wouldn't have missed work for her. I'd have taken her keys, rang the police - quite probably right in front of her - and to hell with her.

I lost two friends who were 17 years old to a drunk driver.

You said she shows up drunk - do you mean she's done it before?

Regardless of what you did or didn't do I'd now be giving her a complete bollocking, telling her to never darken my doorstep again and that if you catch her drink driving again you'll be calling 999.

Perhaps you could have left her in your home with the car keys? Just pondering.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that a grown woman has behaved like this and put me in this position with my work?

You made the decision not to go to work.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that a grown woman has behaved like this and put me in this position with my work? I work on a hospital so it’s pretty important I show up or give ample notice, she knows this

You also know this.

Why was her difficulty more important than your patients/clinical service? That's your responsibility, not hers.

Have a think about what you would like to do next time - could be taking her keys, letting her in to sleep it off, calling her a taxi to another friend etc. It's likely this will happen again so it's worth being prepared.

She had already driven while drunk. I suppose she would have been arrested and op would still have missed work due to having to make statements etc.

Why wouldn’t you report someone intending to drive after drinking alcohol to the police though? The police would be aware that driving under the influence can lead to death or injury, they’re not going to berate you for reporting even if they have conflicting priorities

I get some people routinely drive after a pint or two, but there seems to be more alcohol involved here. I’d assume that she is over limits if she’s slid out the car with a wine bottle in hand and stated she’s been drinking non stop for the last 4 hours. She’s obviously emotional and exhibiting a lapse in judgment.

No way would I have missed work, but she needed reporting to the police, if she intended driving drunk.

AIBU to feel a bit pissed off that a grown woman has behaved like this and put me in this position with my work? I work on a hospital so it’s pretty important I show up or give ample notice, she knows this

She knows its important? Then why don't you? She didn't put you in that position, you did. You chose not to go to work.
Bad call.

Sorry, would t get involved. Would have put her in a taxi home and gone to work.

We can all say what we would have done but op was blindsided in the moment and did her best. If it happens again she will know exactly what to do.

Guess it depends on how good a friend she is and what she has done for you in the past.

You were kind and helped her out more than many would have at cost to yourself.

I would probably wait a few days and see whether she gets back in touch and what she says. If she gets back in touch and apologises then I probably wouldn't think too much more of it, but I would explain to her how her behaviour got me into trouble, as a broad hint that it shouldn't happen again.

If she doesn't apologise or explain then next time she rocks up I would not be doing the same thing.

I would have taken the car keys, told her she couldn’t stay as you are going to work , called her a taxi and left her to it

Report her to the police and go to work - that’s the professional thing to do!

I'm the sister of an alcholic. I'm his only living relative. So I recognise 'rescuer' mode. It's a situation I know well, and to my cost. Your friend might not be an addict, but to turn up at the home of a casual acquaintance at that kind of unsociable hour, not least having made the choice to drive whilst plastered out of her mind, suggests she does have a serious problem with alcohol.

And that's the problem with alcoholics. Their lives are invariably chaotic and they drag everyone else around them into that chaos. It's become yours. It's your home she was in; it's your colleagues who stand to be affected; it's your job that could end up on the line. But this isn't your mess. You can't allow it to become so. 'Rescuer' mode makes you susceptible to the peaks and troughs of their problems with addiction. You're sober, but you are suffering the symptoms by proxy.

If you're tempted to go into Rescuer mode again, remind yourself of the three Cs that anyone affected by someone else's alcohol problem should know. You didn't cause it. You can't control it. And you can't cure it. All addicts invariably do is drag you into that chaos with them. Unless this is a one-off, and I hope for everyone's sakes it is, you've taken on the mantle of Rescuer once. The stage is now set for a repetition of that pattern. What you need to do now is ensure this is nixed - immediately.

That's going to take rock solid boundaries. Effectiveness or otherwise of the police isn't the issue here: it's holding her accountabile for her actions. She's chosen to drive whilst inebriated. Reporting her could save her life, and it could safe the life of a totally innocent road-user or pedestrian. It could even be the sharp-wake up call she needs to get help; with alcoholics it usually takes a very serious episode: a brush with the law or bottoming out, for them to recognise the gravity of their condition.

This isn't your baggage, OP. It's hers. She's a grown adult, so leave it at the feet of the person to which it belongs. If you pick it up, or worse, try to carry it, it will bring no good either to her or to you.

I'd have taken her keys and threatened her with the police - idiots who drink drive for any reason let alone one so pathetic don't deserve sympathy
shes a total prick

I'm surprised that so many MNers default to calling the police. I wouldn't have any trust in them on a practical level (ie to actually bother coming to help in a timely fashion) nor, more importantly, in terms of my friend's safety.

I'd have taken her keys and/or called her a taxi. If I was concerned about her safety in a taxi, or if she was so drunk she couldn't be trusted to function, I'd have got in the taxi with her back to her house, then got the taxi to go on to my place of work.

But if she’s killed someone or herself OP would feel dreadful for the rest of her life - even if it wasn’t her fault. She would have been asking “what if…”. NOp sounds like a sensitive person. I think she did the right thing.

And taken her keys.

That would be the end of our friendship too. Drink driving is the lowest of the low to me.