Is dd taking the mess?

I think the waters got muddied when you said the £100 was towards food/bills etc and you asked her to let you know if they want anything. She's either taking that literally, or they're being CF's.
I'd be saying you'll cook xyz dinners this week and if they want salmon and chicken and less basic stuff then that's down to them to buy.

Well people I know don't charge their children full rent, just contributions to bills. It does seem to depend on whether you're working class or middle class, though. Middle class parents rarely charge full rent, it's just not the done thing, but then people come on here raging about it 😂

I've had this conversation with DD who is currently in year3 at uni, as one of her options for next year is a masters at our local uni.
We thought we wouldn't charge rent but she would buy and cook her own food. She often cooks separately when she's home anyway, as she is vegan and we're not.
I guess if she was working we might ask for a contribution towards household basics as well ( loo roll, washing up liquid, etc).

So you have two adults, earning £52,000 between them, staying in your heated house, having the use of bathroom, kitchen and laundry facilities, for the sum of £25 a week between them?
And you do their food shopping???

This is complete rubbish. £52k a year they don't need that much 'family support', particularly when family can't afford it. They are letting Op take just £1200 per year from them, which is a derisory amount.
Just imagine if they allowed themselves around half their take home pay for things like clothes, food, holidays and small rents to parents... you're looking at them potentially being able to save around £20k per year with very little effort. Imagine how that could look if they don't go on holiday for a year, and were to be careful with spending - they could save even more. No need for family to do anything more to support them than offer them a reasonably priced roof over their heads.

My adult DS is currently working and although it's a low wage, and he couldn't live independently on it (he gets between 1200 and 1600 a month depending on his shifts) it's still a lot for living at home, so he is contributing £400 a month to the household. I have shown him how much we pay for council tax, water, gas, electricity, food, pet insurance (he wanted the dog) etc.

Up until very recently we were giving him pocket money and paying £75 a week for driving lessons. And will do again if the situation changes.

So at the very least, your DD should be paying her way if she can afford to do so. And if she can't, then out go the salmon steaks and in come the fish fingers.

Sorry the £100 a month isn’t going to cover food if that’s what they want each week. So I would be pushing back. Be honest you can’t afford it the £100 is to cover heat, elec etc. if they want rood like that they buy their own. Give them a cupboard and a shelf in the fridge they get their own food and prep it as well

Which might be understandable if they also weren’t saving up to go travelling … again.

I will never understand why people infantalise their children with paying their way. My son pays £700 a month to live at my house.

He has pets and I don't do any care for them, he does all his own washing and most of the cooking. I do the majority of cleaning and he works in the garden with me.

We are adults and share the cost of living. He saves and recently bought a good used car for cash.

I raised adults not children.

Wow. This is so ridiculous and there’s no way I’d put up with this from two adults earning £52k between them.

Time for her to come back down to earth. Split your utilities equally between whoever lives in the house, proportionate to how many days they stay and charge them that. She definitely buys her own food.

Maybe they "should' be paying all those bills but in reality no-one's going to afford a house deposit that way any more, unless there's family support. If you want them on the housing ladder and out of your home they need to put as much as possible into saving for a house. That's how it is now.

They are fully functioning adults and you won't be doing them any favours with the way this is panning out. I don't think it has anything to do with how much income you have, how wealthy or poor you are, it's just not adequate parenting to continue to treat adults as children once they are earning.
So they pay a quarter of all household bills ( should be half but they are only there half the week) So that's half of gas, electric, internet, water and council tax.
They then purchase all their food and pay a small amount towards loo roll, washing powder, milk etc

Combined income of over £50k and you're putting up with this? If all you buy is basics then it will be patently obvious that you're struggling to this pair every time they open your fridge. You don't need to shop for them because they obviously aren't eating the same as you, or with you.
Sit yourself down and work out how much money they are taking home every month. Then get a bloody grip and talk to them together. Tell them money is really tight (in case they hadn't noticed) and while you are happy for them to be saving for the future, they can't really do it at your expense. So you've worked out x - a more realistic figure - that you'd like them to pay monthly, and buy their own food. Not the flat cost of fuel - add a bit more for the fact that you'll be maintaining and cleaning shared spaces. If they paid you £400 pcm for 'rent' also to his family they would still be pretty much rolling in it compared to you.
If they don't like it they can move out. You know you're going to subsidise their lives and watch them enjoying great food, nice clothes, lovely nights out and fantastic holidays don't you? You've even mentioned their plans to travel in your post.
It's fuckin' ridiculous to tell Op to let these two adults live with her for nearly half the week rent free.

I think it’s fine to say that the £100 is for electricity/water/council tax etc and they will have to do their own food shopping. I think they also need to be pulling their weight with housework. I would also consider upping the £100 to £150-200/month. Having 2 of them 3 days a week is like one person 6 days a week.

You are asking us if you should buy them salmon and lentil soup for yourself because they give you £100 a month?

Of course you shouldn't. You can't afford to house two additional adults three nights a week for no money.

Having read later posts I agree that you probably weren't clear enough and she has actually done what you asked.

Good grief, they have a higher income between them than our household!
Of course they should be buying their own food AND contributing to bills. If his parents are happy to fund their lifestyle let them move in there full time.
They're totally taking the piss

Oh and more importantly her and boyfriend will struggle massively to actually budget and pay for household when they eventually move out!

you need to come to a fairer arrangement and you need to show her how much it costs to have a house. She’s a grown adult! it sounds like she’s continuing to live like a teenager with parents taking care of everything!
her and boyfriend need to contribute to bills and buy their own food. They also need to be pulling their weight (when they’re there) with cooking/cleaning.
my husbands parents did not prepare their children for real life and he got a shock at what it takes to run a house and budget it’s a disservice!
the way you’ve set it up with your daughter is the problem but it’s not too late to sit them down and talk it through…
otherwise you’re going to find yourself resenting them swanning off on fancy travels having saved a fortune living it large at yours!

You need to sort this out sooner rather than later. DD needs to buy her own food and 100 a month between two adults is taking the piss. Why does she feel that she doesnt need to contribute equally to the household?

When I lived at home aged 20 I paid my mother 360 euros a month and bought my own shopping, sister did the same and that was over twenty years ago.

Your DD is an adult.

They're taking the piss.
The two 20-somethings (a couple) in this house pay £300 a month and sort their own food unless I am cooking a family favourite and they're invited. They have their own little fridge freezer in the spare room.
They've lived here some years and when we formalised the arrangement I asked them to look a spareroom online and see how much a local double room with en-suite in a flatshare would cost. Then I asked them to take into account all the extras they would get as part of living in a family situation. They worked it out.
Then I halved that. And unbeknown to them, I put £100 away for them, it's a furniture fund for when they have their deposit.

If she’s just graduated she’s probably still in blissful ignorance to what life costs. Uni houseshare bill splits in grotty student accom, no council tax, etc, add up to less than real life living costs, plus she’s got the novelty of her first paycheque – which stretches far when you’re not paying rent! Of course she thinks she, and by extension you, can afford profligacies like grated cheese (is she too good to grate her own?!).

Sit down and have a conversation about costs and expectations, especially if they’re saving for a house: when they’ll need to account for buildings and contents insurance, home maintenance, an emergency “fuck, the boiler’s gone and it’s December” fund. Show her a breakdown of your monthly house budget and how £100 is really a token gesture, not a real contribution.

If my adult child was paying me £100 I wouldn't mind buying them salmon and chicken if they wanted it.

That shopping list comes to £25 max. I don't think it's particularly extravagant.

Ignore the request for pre-grated cheese though I'm sure they can manage to grate their own cheese.

She should pay a contribution to bills + her own food now she is an adult earning a wage.

I’d be asking them to pay for the shop and cook for the family on the nights they are there. Then you can all enjoy salmon and chicken breasts. But yes, they are taking the piss.