Nothing changes for the man?

29 replies

sleepdeprivedma · 21/10/2023 00:04

I'm posting on aibu for traffic

My DH great dad but let's be serious his life hasn't changed that much he still gets to do anything he wants tbh he doesn't have to worry about childcare ect if he wants to go out but I do he works all week so he doesn't get up in the night. He plans things in advance as he knows I'll be there I guess I'm just asking is this normal? Or have I let it slip we have a 8 month old and I'm now a sahm as dh makes enough but example tonight he's just told aw btw "I'm going out Sunday for football" no ifs or buts.
But me I'd have to ask if he was free or make sure there was someone to look after DS is this the norm FTM here

OP posts:

Ace56 · 21/10/2023 00:10

This type of dynamic does unfortunately seem to be the norm yes, but it shouldn’t be. Do you get any time to yourself without the baby? Does he ever have DS on his own? If not, he should do.

Original poster

sleepdeprivedma · 21/10/2023 00:10

WhateverMate · 21/10/2023 00:08

Can you define 'great dad' please, because so far nothing in your post points towards it?

Or are you someone who confuses 'great dad' with a man who loves his child?

The first is a choice, the second is something natural like a fart or a sneeze.

It's the 'norm' in a lot of one-sided relationships and if you've ever read MN before, you'll see the damage and resentment it can cause.

He is Great dad in the sense of he's always there for us and dc he'll take him on days out ect spends lots of time with us shower's us with love but I meant on the object of "freedom" if you like nothing hasn't really changed if they boys phone on a Saturday morning he can easily be out Saturday night. Where is id have to more notice as I'm the "mum"

OP posts:

bakewellbride · 21/10/2023 00:09

Not the norm. Dh's life has changed hugely since becoming a dad. He does absolutely loads mentally and physically and puts us first always.

My friends dh on the other hand went out drinking with his mates when his little girl was at home being sick and my friend had to deal with it alone.

Time for a big sit down chat with your dh otherwise u could be in my friends shoes in a few years. Have you tried challenging him on it before? What does he say?

WhateverMate · 21/10/2023 00:08

Can you define 'great dad' please, because so far nothing in your post points towards it?

Or are you someone who confuses 'great dad' with a man who loves his child?

The first is a choice, the second is something natural like a fart or a sneeze.

It's the 'norm' in a lot of one-sided relationships and if you've ever read MN before, you'll see the damage and resentment it can cause.

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