Would you find this inappropriate

I didn't quite pass out but it was really uncomfortable for me. I'll be asking for sedation if I have another.
Was definitely worth it for me though

Of course the questions may be relevant but there are ways of asking things which dont make the patient unnecessarily uncomfortable.

Some GPs and other HCPs are good at making patients feel comfortable to answer questions and have examinations. Some are, quite frankly, lousy at it.

If possible for OP I would strongly recommend going back to the practice and saying that the GP asked questions without explanation for why they were relevant and in a way which made her feel uncomfortable.

An essential part of ongoing training for HCPs is reflection. If the GP never has anyone say 'you did/said XYZ and the patient was uncomfortable with what you did/said' then he is just going to carry on.

my gynaecologist recently tried to fit the coil but as I’d not had children & have a tilted cervix I passed out so perhaps it is relevant

Op, obviously if you get a creepy vibe from him then that's enough for you to ask not to see him in future. It's important that you're comfortable and feel secure during appointments. You don't need to explain why you feel that way, the fact you do is enough in itself.

In response to the specific questions he's asked I can see a number of logical reasons why you'd be asked that. For example, have you ever had sex- has a bearing on your liklihood of cervical cancer as I've already said, why don't you want children- very possibly because when you have very painful periods it could also be a signal for fertility issues so if you'd replied and said, oh I'm not sure if I can, then that would be important to explore with your gp and for him to know it's a concern for you. If he was to recommend a coil (there are different types of coil now so it seems from what you've been typing that you're more familiar with the copper coil which wouldn't be recommended for you for exactly the side effects you've mentioned), you'd need an sti panel done to avoid transferring infection into your womb. He could also be ruling out an sti as a cause for your pain.

It sounds like you feel he's a creepy which is fair enough, you don't need to justify that. But purely going on the questions alone they in themselves aren't inappropriate.

If you go to the doctors because your pain is so bad regular OTC painkillers don’t work, then the doctors job I’d to find out what is causing the pain.

he is not psychic, he needs to ask far reaching questions. You may find it embarrassing or awkward but the most important thing is to find out the cause of your pain.

if you are not happy with this, then go home and carry on on as you were. You clearly can’t be in agony or you would have been blood grateful for his help.

I don’t find it hard to believe- here you don’t know who you are seeing until you turn up, and if you insisted on not seeing a particular doctor you would end up waiting even longer than you normally do. I can well imagine women continuing to put up with a bit of discomfort and awkwardness in order to see a doctor in a timely manner. Putting up with discomfort and awkwardness caused by men is normal for women on a regular basis.

Here we have one dermatologist- he is awful. Rude, sexiest, grumpy and unboundried… there isn’t a different one to choose. He doesn’t change his demeanour if you take a chaperone. We tried to go private to avoid him… and he is the only one in the 2 local private hospitals too 🤦‍♀️

Not necessarily- hymens can ‘break’ riding a bike or using a tampon or all sorts of things… and can stretch and move etc- first penetration is not necessarily painful at all.

Is it appropriate though? I used marina coils for my periods (and for family planning) for 17 years and have never been asked if I’ve had sex.

What do you want from this thread OP? If you think he is a pervert then why haven't you reported him? It has been a week since you found out he shoved his crotch in your mums face!

Yes, before I hit menopause I was always asked this and always looked at askance when I said none, I’m infertile.

Why did he send a letter asking you to go in 2 years after last appointment . That's quite unusual.

From ops previous threads what the doctor actually have said, may have been interpreted wrong ly.
But as pp have said if he's as bad as you/your mum/neighbour have all said youve experienced, why wouldn't you complain about him!?

I find it so hard to believe that there’s a doctor that has done what you described to your mum and your neighbour and also has always made you uncomfortable and ‘Independent and confrontational’ you still went for an appointment without asking for a chaperone or asking for another doctor.
I mean there’s no point making all that up just because you want to be right on an anonymous forum.
Also, all we have is your word and the doctor might have prefaced that he wants to see if there’s any other treatment options available for you before he asked those questions but the questions triggered you and that’s all you’re talking about. They were right questions in the context of you going in for a gynae issue and I’m sure if in future, something sinister was discovered as the cause of the pain which could have been tackled head on if discovered early, you’ll also point the blame at the doctors and say you’re always going in for painkillers but no one bothered to get to the bottom of why.
Anyway, if the doctor really always make you uncomfortable then just ask to never see him again.

I find it really odd that you already felt uncomfortable with him, your mum feels the same, your neighbour feels the same yet you didn't ask to see someone else or have a chaperone? Even if you were called in you can still ask to see someone else and they will have a chaperone policy.
If i was your mum and he did that to me I'd be making a complaint.
Btw i had a mirena, never looked back.

Like many Doctors, particularly male ones, he decided that explaining your treatment options to you and why he needed certain information was optional.

His question about why you did not want children was inappropriate as it has no bearing on your current medical condition or the treatment he could offer you.

Not the worst thing in the world for sure, but definitely room for improvement.

Indeed, but all we know for sure here is that the doctor made OP ( and her mother?) uncomfortable. OP has problems with many people, so not sure if it was entirely the doctor's fault in this particular case.

Yes but why would you ask a 40 year old woman has she ever had sex. It's a bizarre question to ask. Of course she has had sex. Do you know any forty year old women that haven't had sex

but from a medical point of view, you can’t presume anyone has had sex, surely you understand that? It’s like you want this to be an issue when it’s really not. If you think he’s been inappropriate, report him through the appropriate channels

I think it’s you that has the problem with the idea of a 40 year old never having had sex! You GP, however clumsily you feel his delivery was, probably has encountered 40 year olds that have never had sex. Can you just get over that part and focus on whether he was actually inappropriate or not? I think he didn’t explain himself properly as to why he was thinking of the coil, I’m sure if you asked he’d apologise. FWIW I think that would be a waste of time though.

In my experience GPs seem obsessed with making sure all women are on permanent contraception. Every time I have gone to speak to a GP about my periods, or even other things, I always get asked ‘what contraception are you using?’ And I say, condoms/ not in a relationship and then they try and convince me to go on the pill/ coil etc. when I say no thanks, I then get a lecture. I think he was probably thinking about easing your period pains but also double win by preventing an unwanted pregnancy. Questions about sex maybe trying to get an ‘in’ into your sex life so he could then explain why the coil is most certainly necessary. It sounds like he lacks social skills though and doesn’t have a brilliant way with words!

Do you not think asking a 39 year old woman "have you ever had sex"

There are plenty of women who have never had sex so I'm not sure why you think that's inappropriate.

It is relevant to ask if someone has had sex, if their problem is pelvic pain. For example, pelvic inflammatory disease would be part of the differential diagnosis, and would be really unusual if someone had not had sex. I don't think his questions were inappropriate.

However I wouldn't go back to a doctor that made me so uncomfortable with his manner.

For goodness sake. This doctor did not explain anything properly. He makes women feel uncomfortable. Trust your instincts.

If the questions are about a coil, he needs to ask, have you thought about the coil for painful periods. I don’t know why we excuse creepy men like this. It is absolutely not acceptable. I’m a doctor and we should have zero tolerance of this behaviour from medical professionals.

Explanations and clear communication are essential.

Quite frankly, I am waiting for the NHS to have its #metoo movement. There is so much sexual harassment and inappropriate behaviour from men to colleagues. Goodness knows what goes on between them and their patients who are too scared to raise issues, and think the doctor knows best. Look at the comments on this thread alone.