"you'll miss it"

Boolshit · 2023-10-19T16:30:03+00:00

I hear/read all the time (when talking about toddlers), "enjoy the chaos, you'll miss it". No, I won't! My house is a permanent shithole and I don't get a minutes peace. It's a full-time job just trying to keep the place tidy, forget about clean. Everything is marked, sticky and smeared. The washing basket is always overflowing, the dishwasher is never empty yet plates, etc. Are still piled up on the worktop. The walls are covered in scuffs, the door handles are loose/broken from being swung on... It's endless! I understand missing their cute little faces, the affection, their voices, etc. But the chaos? Never!!! The screaming, demanding attention, tantrums, whining, sleepless nights... I won't miss any of that. AIBU to think that this line is used by those wearing rose tinted glasses?

Comedycook · 19/10/2023 23:33

RampantIvy · 19/10/2023 23:30

I hate mess and chaos. DD has flown the nest now, but we are in regular contact. I have never been able to understand women who enjoy the chaos of a large family.

Agree totally...they must be made of stronger stuff than me!

RampantIvy · 19/10/2023 23:30

I hate mess and chaos. DD has flown the nest now, but we are in regular contact. I have never been able to understand women who enjoy the chaos of a large family.

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 19/10/2023 21:45

YANBU that lots of people probably won'tmiss it, but honestly wasn't that chaotic for me. Maybe it's that I have low standards of housekeeping . But my toddlers didn't swing on door handles or destroy stuff.

Vettrianofan · 19/10/2023 21:30

Been through the toddler stage four times. More than enough times! Don't miss it at all.

Original poster

Boolshit · 19/10/2023 21:26

FiddleSticksGohHog · 19/10/2023 21:12

100% mine are 6 and 8 now

I miss how cute they were, their cute funny words they couldnt pronounce, nicknames they gave people ( some have stuck ) how funny they were, how much they loved me, how cuddly they were, having them at home with me all day, how fascinating they find everything,

I dont miss, cleaning literal poo off the walls, the mess, the tantrums, the complaining 😂

I dont think it helped having them so close together, basically had 4 years in a row raising 2 toddlers

I feel this!

How many toddlers did/do you have @mmaddiemookins16mum ?

OP posts:

FiddleSticksGohHog · 19/10/2023 21:12

100% mine are 6 and 8 now

I miss how cute they were, their cute funny words they couldnt pronounce, nicknames they gave people ( some have stuck ) how funny they were, how much they loved me, how cuddly they were, having them at home with me all day, how fascinating they find everything,

I dont miss, cleaning literal poo off the walls, the mess, the tantrums, the complaining 😂

I dont think it helped having them so close together, basically had 4 years in a row raising 2 toddlers

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 20:55

Gerrataere · 19/10/2023 20:52

I go to the gym plenty but thanks for the unnecessary suggestion. I’d sooner too much time in my hands than too much hair on them like some people anyway 🙂.

Did yi aye 🤪

Gerrataere · 19/10/2023 20:52

I go to the gym plenty but thanks for the unnecessary suggestion. I’d sooner too much time in my hands than too much hair on them like some people anyway 🙂.

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 20:49

@Gerrataere it's really not that deep. I think you have to much time on your hand. Maybe take up a hobby or something. Maybe the gym. Release a bit of tension ya know.

JayJayEl · 19/10/2023 20:48

As adoptive parents we went from no child, to a toddler (19 months) literally over night and I love our little boy with all my heart, but bugger me was it an ENORMOUS shock to the system. 😅

maddiemookins16mum · 19/10/2023 20:40

I’m a bit torn on this. The toddler years were harder but I don’t get the whole chaos thing and before I get jumped on, no I was not the perfect parent back then (nor did I have a cleaner).
I was the adult, I decided what got sticky (her high chair or the kitchen counter top basically - I had one of those wee seats that screwed onto it).
You need to take back control, you are the adult/parent, the toddler does not get to ruin the house.

ssd · 19/10/2023 20:27

My house is tidy and nice, i don't miss the chaos at all. I miss them being wee but don't miss anything else.

Original poster

Boolshit · 19/10/2023 20:27

FlagFatigue · 19/10/2023 20:15

I have a supportive DH who does more than his fair share and we try to sing from the same hymn sheet in terms of our parenting approach. The more I think about it, the more I think it's definitely an issue with me. Maybe depression? As well as DH, I also have a good support network who offer practical help. My DC aren't wild or particularly difficult, they're just typical toddlers. For some reason, I'm just finding things really difficult.

I was thinking your thread was light hearted but I'm sorry to read you're actually really struggling.
💐

Although I did enjoy the toddler years, they were without doubt, the hardest of all the parenting stages for us which I did put in my previous more light hearted post. I think it's the lack of sleep, which you have mentioned, which makes it all worse.

Even the things the teen years throw at us as parents, you've generally been 'allowed' to sleep, so you start the day with a clear head and not shattered. And older kids go out and spend time without you, with toddlers it's constant.

Toddler usually become really lovely 4+ year olds and many parents find the 4-11 sooo much easier. Hang in there.

Do talk on here and to your husband, maybe think of seeing your GP if things get too much. Accept any help offered, don't feel guilty for taking a chance at a bit of time for yourself like do many mums do. It will get easier. 💐

Thank you, to you and everyone else who shared their experience and offered reassurance. I did start the threat meaning for it to be light-hearted but I suppose it was a joke with a kick. I think I'm just having a particularly bad day. It's not all doom and gloom, I've probably painted a really bleak picture which doesn't reflect the full story.

OP posts:

FlagFatigue · 19/10/2023 20:15

I have a supportive DH who does more than his fair share and we try to sing from the same hymn sheet in terms of our parenting approach. The more I think about it, the more I think it's definitely an issue with me. Maybe depression? As well as DH, I also have a good support network who offer practical help. My DC aren't wild or particularly difficult, they're just typical toddlers. For some reason, I'm just finding things really difficult.

I was thinking your thread was light hearted but I'm sorry to read you're actually really struggling.
💐

Although I did enjoy the toddler years, they were without doubt, the hardest of all the parenting stages for us which I did put in my previous more light hearted post. I think it's the lack of sleep, which you have mentioned, which makes it all worse.

Even the things the teen years throw at us as parents, you've generally been 'allowed' to sleep, so you start the day with a clear head and not shattered. And older kids go out and spend time without you, with toddlers it's constant.

Toddler usually become really lovely 4+ year olds and many parents find the 4-11 sooo much easier. Hang in there.

Do talk on here and to your husband, maybe think of seeing your GP if things get too much. Accept any help offered, don't feel guilty for taking a chance at a bit of time for yourself like do many mums do. It will get easier. 💐

Original poster

Boolshit · 19/10/2023 20:01

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 19:30

Mumsnet is a strange place. Full of keyboard warriors.

@Boolshit there was no malice meant with my comment.

Sorry if I offended you 🩷

You didn't. It did come across shitty at first glance but you're not wrong.

OP posts:

Dunnoburt · 19/10/2023 20:01

I was I your camp until this year.....someone said that realistically you only get about 16 summers with your child...... put it into perspective.....xx yanbu though.....flipping HATE the mess! Lol

Original poster

Boolshit · 19/10/2023 19:59

SleepingStandingUp · 19/10/2023 19:24

It isn't the mess you miss so much as having a house full of everything going on

Of course it's hard when you've got several same or similar ages, I'm always a bit jealous who have one and can do an activity then clean up and do something else instead of having to run two or three lots of sync'd activities with kids who all have different feeding needs and toiletting needs and that's before we get onto personalities, wants and wishes!!

Is their Dad around? Does he do his fair share? Do you both parent to the same boundaries?

I have a supportive DH who does more than his fair share and we try to sing from the same hymn sheet in terms of our parenting approach. The more I think about it, the more I think it's definitely an issue with me. Maybe depression? As well as DH, I also have a good support network who offer practical help. My DC aren't wild or particularly difficult, they're just typical toddlers. For some reason, I'm just finding things really difficult.

OP posts:

phoenixrosehere · 19/10/2023 19:58

I miss it but mine weren’t chaotic in the baby and toddler stages. They were way easier then than they are now. The oldest is autistic and rarely if ever had a meltdown or was upset that it took ages to calm him as a toddler and both were quite good sleepers. Now at 8, he’s like a moody teenager, tantrums escalates to meltdowns when he doesn’t get his way, slamming doors, and the tiniest change has him refusing to take transport to school. I have to sometimes drag him out of bed, and despite being the size of a mop, he is much stronger than he looks for 50 lbs. Youngest is newly 6 moans, gets teary, and pouts when he is told no for anything. He is getting better but it has come down to having an almost strict routine, constant reminders, and having him repeat what we have said. They are well-behaved in public and for others though so there’s that at least so hoping this phase passes quickly.

Gerrataere · 19/10/2023 19:55

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 19:41

@Gerrataere don't patronise me. I asked the poster if she was ok and wished her well and half of the posters on here are calling me out for being a twat.
Maybe the internet isn't for any of you fairies if you can't even ask someone if there ok without being shot down.

You said she sounded ‘uptight’. That’s right up there with accusing a woman of being ‘hysterical’. And since you’re throwing insults out left right and centre to anyone replying to you, I would certainly not disagree with anyone with the sentiment that you read like a bit of of a twat. Stop trying to gaslight everyone into thinking your original post wasn’t anything but a well-meaning question. In no context ever has a woman being told she sounds ‘uptight’ with genuine care behind it. It’s always an insult and assumption of her personality.

Daffodilwoman · 19/10/2023 19:54

For me the absolute worse time of being a parent was the toddler stage. My dc is grown up. The toddler stage was an absolute nightmare.

user14699084663 · 19/10/2023 19:54

I’d happily never interact with a child under 8 ever again! Ours are teenagers, they are great fun to spend time with, they were horrific toddlers though, don’t miss them being little one bit.

Lovelymoon · 19/10/2023 19:53

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 19:41

@Gerrataere don't patronise me. I asked the poster if she was ok and wished her well and half of the posters on here are calling me out for being a twat.
Maybe the internet isn't for any of you fairies if you can't even ask someone if there ok without being shot down.

😂😭 you ended your post sarcastically. You were acting a twat on purpose, just admit it 😙

FlagFatigue · 19/10/2023 19:52

My children are older now and although I don't feel like I 'miss' any stage, the toddler years were definitely some of my favourite times, as well as being the hardest.

I actually did like the chaos, but mess doesn't bother me and we had a cleaner! 🤣 Definitely no rose tinted glasses here, one of my children was a very wild spirited toddler. Even he looks back at video footage and can't believe we coped with him, 🤣 He's a very, very calm 20 year old now.

I now have way too many animals so I'm enjoying the chaos of a different kind...not that different to toddlers actually. 😬

PinkMoscatoLover · 19/10/2023 19:48

crazycrimbolady · 19/10/2023 18:11

Are you okay? You sound really uptight.

Embrace it. Set boundaries so the children aren't swinging from door handles.

One day when you're babies are older and flown the nest you will look back on these days and miss the chaos.

Take care

This comment would have been perfectly fine without the first sentence. Patronising as fuck.

I agree with you OP. I have a 18 month old DS and a DD who’s only 11 months older than him. It’s hell and I certainly won’t miss it

SparkyBlue · 19/10/2023 19:44

My lovely aunt had three hyper boys fairly close together in age. Her house was in constant chaos. They are all young men now. She always talks about one really bad day when everyone was acting up when a well meaning stranger told her to relax and enjoy them and that she'd miss this time when she looks back. My aunt still laughs about it and says does she fuck miss that time.