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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU ? SD

33 replies

Farmersswife · 19/10/2023 09:39

Myself & DH have two DC 5 nearly 6 and 10 months he has a SD 11. We have her pretty much 50% it’s all ad hoc and it drives me a bit crazy. DH is also pretty useless with money! Won’t spend on holidays or days out.

SD is off on holiday frequently and days out ect we are quite the opposite and are busy running two businesses from home.

DD 5 almost 6 picks up on this more now, I suggested to DH we take our two to Disney land in Paris next year it would be a b’day & Christmas combined present. DD loves Disney & is very girly and I know she would absolutely love to go!

DH says SD has to come I’m absolutely fine with that but he won’t contribute towards the cost!?

this also happened with Lapland that I booked and I lost £800

AIBU to say I will just take our DD and DH can stay at home with the youngest?

also second AIBU I booked Christmas photos for us as a family checked with Ex we could have SD all fine & now they are holiday that week, photos can’t be done another time as she’s fully booked, I’ve paid 50% of it already DH said he won’t go without SD ( I understand this) so I’ve said I will take our two & he’s not happy about that.

he is making out I’m some evil step mother.

OP posts:
Gerrataere · 19/10/2023 12:04

Why isn’t he paying for any of his children? This isn’t a SD issue, this is a tight/financially abusive dad situation.

Original poster
Farmersswife · 19/10/2023 11:54

I pay for all child related stuff, swimming lessons, clothes , school trips & yes I pay for all birthdays & Christmas including SD
I think re looking at finances is definitely needed.

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 19/10/2023 11:43

I'd be telling him that you are going to Disney with DD. If he wants to come/SD to come he needs to provide 50% of the cost for the 5 of you upfront otherwise it will just be the two of you.

Beyond that I would continue with life as you want to with your kids, do not pay for him or SD to do anything or provide anything not included in the joint account. I'd be careful at Christmas too as I'm going to guess sd gets whatever she asks for but he doesn't contribute to your kids presents or it's a much lesser value.

And I'd look at separating from him... as he is making your daughter feel less than your sd and that is not fair on the kid.

towriteyoumustlive · 19/10/2023 11:30

Farmersswife · 19/10/2023 11:13

We each put a set amount into joint account to cover bills ect but the rest of the money is ours , I couldn’t afford to pay solely for us all to go.

Surely the money that goes into the joint account also covers holidays??

My and my DH have the same, but the joint account covers mortgage, bills, food, school stuff, school trips, childcare, activities for kids and holidays. We work out approximately how much all that will cost each year then work out how much each of us pays. He earns more than me so pays more into the joint account.

Perhaps you need to re-think your finances.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 19/10/2023 11:21

Just you and your kids go OP, he can stay at home with his kid....or he could contribute for all of you

Pollyputhekettleon · 19/10/2023 11:19

Farmersswife · 19/10/2023 11:13

We each put a set amount into joint account to cover bills ect but the rest of the money is ours , I couldn’t afford to pay solely for us all to go.

Are you really saying he refuses to pay for any holiday for any of his children ever, when he could afford to? I don't know what that is but it's not being useless with money!

Original poster
Farmersswife · 19/10/2023 11:13

We each put a set amount into joint account to cover bills ect but the rest of the money is ours , I couldn’t afford to pay solely for us all to go.

OP posts:
towriteyoumustlive · 19/10/2023 10:39

Your DH is being silly.

If you booked the photos when SD was available, and now she is going on holiday, then that's not your fault. It would be silly to lose the money, so if he is going to be petty over it, then just go with the two kids yourself and have fun!

I don't understand the money thing. Surely you and DH have joint finances so how is him paying for SD any different to you both paying? Or do you have individual money and you want him to pay out of that?

I also don't understand how you can end up losing £800 booking Lapland. What changed?

SD is part of the family so you should be budgeting for her on all holidays. It's irrelevant what other holidays she gets.