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Original poster

Feeling so shit

30 replies

strawberryandkiwi · 18/10/2023 00:44

Hi

just feeling a bit down and shit about things

I love my job. I only just graduated in July and it’s something I’ve always wanted to do and I was so excited to begin at my firm

but from the moment I started it’s gone badly

I understand I won’t know everything because I just started and it’s a learning curve, but I feel like everyday I go to work I get every single thing wrong. Nothing I do is right. Every question I ask is obvious and I should know the answer to already but I don’t.

at first I tried to have a ‘it’s a new day, start again’ attitude but it’s getting harder and harder to do that and it sounds ridiculous but I dread going to work now. I feel ill the entire way because I’m so nervous, then when I get to the office I just go from 1 disaster to the next and go home feeling even worse. And repeat that the next day, and the next, and the next.

Im not disputing for 1 moment that is making mistakes and getting things wrong and that’s entirely my problem and responsibility to fix, but I’m finding it so difficult and I’m trying my best but I still manage to get it wrong every single time- when I ask for help it’s a stupid question and I need to use my initiative more rather than expecting everyone to spoon feed me but when I try to use my initiative I get it wrong every single time

when I think back to how excited I was when I graduated in july I feel so heartbroken. This is the job I worked so hard to get, studied so hard at uni to pass my exams for and cried and cried because I didn’t think I could do it and pass. But I did and here I am doing the job I wanted to so badly and I’m supposed to be enjoying it but yet I’ve never been so miserable in all my life

I think it’s just been 1 thing after another and I feel so shit about things now. I worked as hard as I could fit into every hour of the day and ended up distancing myself from my friends because I didn’t want to have a knock on effect on them with my negativity and the fact I’m failing because they are happy and doing well at their firms so I didn’t want to bring them down because that’s not fair on them at all

I DONT feel suicidal at all, I just feel like I really hate life and I keep thinking I wish I was dead because I’m so miserable with this all. Obviously I don’t want to be dead though and I just want to stress again I am NOT suicidal in anyway👍🏻 It’s just a feeling that I hate life and everyone at work would have a much easier life if I wasn’t there

is this normal when starting a new job, especially just after university? Does it get better? All of this is my own fault because it’s my responsibility to work harder and get things right and stop annoying everyone so I don’t know why I’m complaining when it’s my own fault but I just feel so shit. Does it get better?

OP posts:
Blackandwhitemakesgrey · 18/10/2023 01:18

Some organisations have toxic team members and/or managers. It sounds like your manager is not supporting you adequately. This could be due to a work overload, high turnover of staff, lack of training, poor morale or poor management. The org. itself could be fine, you may have been unlucky enough to be with a bad team.

I've always heard that you should give yourself six months in a new job. If you're not happy then, look elsewhere. If its at a stage where you wish not to exist, then start looking elsewhere asap.

Cakeandcoffee93 · 18/10/2023 01:06

Trust me once you get a new one and settle in you’ll completely change your outlook

Cakeandcoffee93 · 18/10/2023 01:06

It’s your first job- if you hate it after a few weeks still- you know with your gut it’s not right. Sometimes it’s the environment.
its just a job- you can get thousands of others. It’s your life. Sometimes it’s not always the job but the people you work with that make you laugh.

KnowledgeableMomma · 18/10/2023 01:03

Is this your first job ever? Or did you have one before/during uni?

I only ask because if you had similar problems in other jobs, then it's not the workplace and you'd want to look at strategies in general to help you. If it's just this job, perhaps trying another job is in order. You shouldn't feel ill at the thought of work and if you've been there awhile and still don't feel like you've mastered your job description, time to move on. I'd start by asking your boss/higher up what they think of your job performance. Perhaps they have some constructive ideas to help before you put time/energy unto a job search?

Fionaville · 18/10/2023 00:50

This could just be as simple as you are at the wrong firm. It's just not the right fit. Perhaps apply for the same job but somewhere else? You should really have some sort of mentor who will help you. Some workplaces are more hostile to new starters and expect you to hit the ground running. Some places will give you a much nicer settling in period. I'd start applying for different firms, before you burn yourself out and either quit or make yourself ill. That will be much harder to recover from when applying for new jobs. Good luck.

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