To not see the difference between saving and inheritance?

I can see why he would be annoyed, it's the principle of it. You say you earn similar amounts (in fact you earn slightly more than him), but whilst he's cut back and saved to afford the holiday as you both agreed you would, it then turns out you haven't bothered to save anything and just used the money you were gifted.

As others have said, I don't see the relationship working long term when you have such different attitudes to money. It will always be a point of contention unless you are both on the same page.

Couldn’t care less.

Equally, he can’t expect her to fall in line with his.

He married her knowing her attitude to money, and seeing it firsthand. The reality is that she does have access to money that he doesn’t, and he needs to accept this.

*and yes, depending on the size and management of the money in question, it’s entirely possible for her to be as safe as anyone can be in the knowledge that her needs throughout life will be met.

Do you think that it’s pride that stops him wanting to benefit from your money.

I can see both sides, it’s money no matter where it’s from but he’s probably feeling a little let down because he thought that you were saving.

Money is money! Some people have to work for every penny ( me!) some people have family money.
Money is money, you're right, but how someone approaches their finances is bigger than, and vastly more important than, just having money.

Someone who is wealthy from family money, but has their head screwed on, gets clued up on long term financial planning, listens to their spouse, they agree how they're going to plan for their future etc is very different to someone who has always had handouts, has a lifelong frivolous attitude to money, and is more concerned with spending and withdrawing assets than saving for a simple holiday because it's easier.

Money is money! Some people have to work for every penny ( me!) some people have family money.

It is all just cake though, the same as its all just money. As long as its not getting you into debt it shouldn't matter, but the lying does. If OP had explained her point of view properly to him then he should also try to understand her feelings about it, why is he right over this?

I'm with you on the homemade cakes though 😂I wouldn't expect DH to, him thinking to go to the shop to buy one would be thought enough for me, I would usually make one though as that's my preference, he wouldn't mind if i bought one though.

I don’t think it’s his business how you got the money as long as you’ve got it. But I just can’t see this relationship working long term. There is NOTHING wrong with your parent bailing you out if they want to (lots of people on this thread are clearly jealous) but your partner sees it as spoilt and that probably won’t change.
you’re either going to have to thrash this out or find somebody more at your level of wealth

You're annoyed at him for not agreeing to kowtow to your vision of joint finances, OP, but have you actually demonstrated that you've changed since the wedding incident?

Because you can't just expect him to fall in with your magic money tree approach. You don't actually know if the money tree will be sufficient for your life's needs, and I'll bet heavily that the person who grew the money tree in the first place was more like your husband than you in attitude to finances.

I said straight away she shouldn't have lied but that aside, why would anyone have an issue with what OP does with her money, why is the DH right? The dishonesty is out of order of course but the OPs outlook is just different, not wrong

OP's outlook is fine, in a relationship with someone else who has similar approaches to finances.

The OP seems to prioritise her desire to spend over anything else. Eg offer for money to be shared so they can both spend through the money, if DH declines then continue to spend through it anyway because saving is apparently difficult. The priority is how to spend the money.

Everyone has different lines and hindsight is a wonderful thing, but there were warning signs about their financial incompatibility before they got married and before OP even had access to these funds.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist
I agree with you.
I would respect someone who had inherited a lot of wealth or was fortunate to be given investments, who had a sound approach to money, stewarded their opportunities, enjoyed their financial security, was open, honest, was able to save for joint things, and didn't have money burning a hole in their pocket. They're very fortunate and understand the value of money.

I'd struggle to respect someone who had endless handouts, had to be bailed out before they'd even accessed their trust funds, didn't want to save because it's easier to spend their investments than save for a holiday and seemed to burn through money because there's going to be some more coming their way. That outlook would be a spoilt brat outlook to me.

Some people genuinely do not need to save, as bitter a pill as that may be to swallow. Depending on the size of the funds and how they’re managed, it’s perfectly possible for her to bail herself out with the money available to her without having to worry about a rainy day or whatever.

I’m not of the opinion that denying a reality and acting as if you’re worse off than you are, doing something you don’t need to do in order to appease someone else’s hang ups, is either particularly ‘worthy’, or indicative of someone standing on their own two feet. But like I said, I’m informed by own background as much as anyone else is.

Would you really not be bothered by your DH lying to you about something important?

Most people consider finances, and how they are managed, to be an important issue in a marriage.

But if your husband didn't like baking and preferred to buy one then why is he wrong? If he said yes to making one but then blatantly didn't bother and just bought one then that is wrong but if he said straight away then that should be OK, he may have other things he has put thought into as a gift.

It would be absolutely fine if he said up front he didn't like baking or didn't have time or whatever. It would also be fine if he'd agreed to make one with good intentions and then something important came up last minute and he ended up buying one instead.
But I'd be pissed off if he'd said "it doesn't really matter; it's all just cake" - which is the point (other than the lying) that OP has missed. It may not matter to her, but it does to her husband, and she's making no attempt to realise that.

I don't understand why it bothers him. You are paying your share it's up to you how you do that.

I don't understand why it bothers him.

I think that having different attitudes to money often spells disaster in a relationship. And I think that’s the root of the problem here really, and that’s why he’s pissed off.

The OP never bothered to save and relied on the expectation of handouts even before she came into her trust fund money. That is less worthy than providing for yourself IMO. I would struggle to respect someone who had shown they were incapable of standing on their own feet financially.

The issue is probably more about your spending habits op, than where the savings pot came from.

You want to spend everything you have, your DH cuts his cloth differently. My DH is from a wealthy background. We each earn a lot now, but we choose to be relatively careful with money because we don't like pissing it up the wall.

To me this reads like different financial backgrounds and attitudes to money causing resentment. You’ve never struggled for money, whereas he has, and it’s annoyed him that he’s had to budget and save, and you’ve just had access to it. I’m also getting the impression that he believes his way is more ‘worthy’ and ‘real’ than yours.

It isn’t. You’ve occupied different financial realities, and he needs to accept that imo. He has no more right to attempt to change you than you have to attempt to change him.

My background is similar to yours, but so is my husband’s, and as such this hasn’t arisen as an issue. I have seen it often being an issue for couples with such different backgrounds though.

But if your husband didn't like baking and preferred to buy one then why is he wrong? If he said yes to making one but then blatantly didn't bother and just bought one then that is wrong but if he said straight away then that should be OK, he may have other things he has put thought into as a gift. You can't/shouldnt tell partners what to do but the minimum you should expect is honesty.

I said straight away she shouldn't have lied but that aside, why would anyone have an issue with what OP does with her money, why is the DH right? The dishonesty is out of order of course but the OPs outlook is just different, not wrong.

And also a difference between revenue from capital (I e. a safe drawdown rate that allows for inflation) and using the capital itself. Personally I wouldn't have a problem with the former but I would with the latter.

As other have said it's the difference in attitudes and understanding of each other's point of views that's the problem.

For my birthday I asked my husband to make me a cake. He made one, with help from our daughter.

He could have gone out and bought a cake. He could have bought me a cake from the most expensive bakery in town.

Lots of people will argue that cake is cake and not care. However, making the cake himself, and including our daughter in the making meant more to me.

OP sees money as something that she doesn't have to worry about or think about. Her DH has tried to make her see things from her point of view by suggesting she save rather then just take out of one of her many pots.

To her, it's just money. To him, it's something more.

It’s like Aesop’s Ant and Grasshopper, except the grasshopper married the ant.

I guess if you have very wealthy parents and trust funds then it is easy to feel that winter will never come (and perhaps it never will), so why enjoy the endless summer.

But if the ant keeps toiling away and trying to build up reserves then that doesn’t feel like the basis for a strong and healthy marriage.

DH and I are from vastly different backgrounds. His family were extremely wealthy, he went to a leading public school, second home, sailing and riding lessons, family had a housekeeper, the whole shebang. I on the other hand grew up with lots of siblings, the child of an immigrant who arrived with nothing and had to help out in the family restaurant whilst studying. School of hard knocks and all that.

We do however have the same attitude to money. We have shared goals. I couldn’t tolerate your behaviour and the bail outs have made you irresponsible. DH sister is bad with money he thinks she is thick as mince but is far too nice to put it like that, her parents bailing her out is a major contributor to her being bad with money.