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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boy hitting in dd's class

31 replies

ShepherdMoons · 16/10/2023 16:06

Youngest dd is 8 and in a mixed year 3/4 class. A new boy started in September and things went well as dd mentioned playing with him in the playground. His mum is also lovely and we get on well. She mentioned that he has autism and struggles with being frustrated and lashing out. This is something he has done in school on a few occasions with other children.

Last week he got very upset and kicked the dinner lady when she wouldn't let him sit in the place he wanted to at lunchtime. He has also been grabbing dd when she doesn't want to play with him and dragging her, he grabs her arm very tightly and she says it hurts. I've spoken to the school who say they are trying to keep an eye on it. I also spoke to his mum who says it's because he's not having his needs met at school as to why he's becoming frustrated and aggressive. Mum said at home he kicks, punches and scratches her then later is loving and will kiss and cuddle her to show he's sorry.

Dd said he is still grabbing her and pushing her at lunch. He is also getting angry with others at school but the school aren't dealing with it. I've spoken to his class teacher but I am thinking I need to talk to the head about it before dd gets more upset by it. AIBU?

OP posts:
x2boys · 16/10/2023 16:18

Talk to the school and ask them what they are doing to safe guard your daughter
If shes getting hurt than they are failing in their duty of care

Everythinghasgonetoshit · 16/10/2023 16:17

For goodness sake not another one of these threads.

It's not the kids fault. If he is struggling the teachers and school should be meeting his needs or he should be in a specialist school.

Obviously there are not enough places in special schools or parents aren't keen to place their kids in a school if the provision isn't right for their child where there is a place. It's just a mess.

It is wrong that staff and children have to experience this, but please don't blame the parents or the child. It is hard enough navigating the shitty, dysfunctional SEND system without threads like these. Autism is a developmental brain disorder and so many people expect them to just act and behave like other kids without any real adjustments.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2023 16:13

To clarify, by "raising holy hell", I would obviously do this constructively and cordially, but I would not let this go, not for a minute, until the situation is rectified.

newYear10 · 16/10/2023 16:12

His issues are not your problem to feel sorry for. Your dd is being hurt and that should be your priority. I would be meeting the Head and whoever else to ensure this boy is being managed better. And I would tell your dd to not play with him and immediately tell teacher if he is hurting her.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/10/2023 16:11

I would raise absolute holy hell. Just because this boy has autism doesn't excuse your little girl getting assaulted every day at school. This could cause untold issues for your daughter's mental health and confidence. Totally unacceptable.

Jennybeans401 · 16/10/2023 16:09

I would take it further, unmet needs or not he can't physically attack other people! It's bad that he's hurting other children and the dinner lady!