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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH always making plans

32 replies

TeddynIzzy · 14/10/2023 16:50

DH and I have one DD, she’s 2. We are happy in every way, arguments rare. The only issue is DH is always making plans, either for himself which leave me either childcare, for just the two of us which means finding other childcare or for all of us.
He is a freelancer, so when we had DD he decided to cut his hours and find more consistent work. This is great but now he finds himself easy bored.
This weekend and last were dictated by his plans as will the next two.
For context
Last Friday DH took the day off to go sailing with friends, usually he gets DD from nursery on Fridays but obviously couldn’t so I had to rush back. He wasn’t home until gone 11pm.
Last Saturday he was invited to the 50th of someone he vaguely knows, was desperate for me to go with, but it was a bit out of the way. Had to arrange a babysitter for DD (no local family), get a hotel etc. Then Sunday he’d decided instead of going to our normal Sunday lunch pub we’d go into central London and have lunch with his friends. DD hadn’t slept well the night before so was grumpy and definitely just wanted quick food and a nap.
This weekend, he is doing a job he does every month, Thursday to Sunday but pays well and he enjoys it. This again meant me doing the Friday pick up and being home with DD.
Tonight he will be home for 9, then it’s another friends birthday party. This friend has a party basically every year and we see her often anyway so I suggested we pass. No no he’s already told everyone DD and I will be there at 7.30 (only one other kid will be there). Now it’s rude if I don’t show but no doubt by the time DH arrives at 9/9.30 DD will be well over tired and I’ll have to take her home.
Next weekend he is meeting another friend for dinner and drinks on Friday so another Friday where I’m home alone with DD. On Saturday we are going to visit his godparents.
The following weekend he’s got all sorts of Halloween things planned for us all, including 2 parties!!

In all honesty I just want a night off, I want to go drink wine with my friends without worrying about DD waking. I want a family day in to do some crafts or snuggle up and watch a film.
I feel like I have no control over my life. DHs solution is always get a babysitter but DD never sleeps well when we aren’t home and I’d actually quite like a night in with DH for a change.

AIBU to think he is packing our diary too full and it wouldn’t hurt to slow down and have a weekend of doing nothing?

OP posts:
Original poster
TeddynIzzy · 14/10/2023 17:05

Couldyounot · 14/10/2023 17:02

If someone kept making plans for me it would drive me round the bend. Does he actually check with you first or does he assume you're OK with whatever it is?

It depends, sometimes he tells me months in advance and I’ll say something like “oh let’s see how the calendar fills up” and he takes that as a promise we will do it.
Other times it’s “oh but you get on well with so and so” like yes I do but I also get on well with my sofa and a take away!!

OP posts:
WillyWonkaBlues · 14/10/2023 17:04

He’s not grown up. You need to start laying down the law and saying absolutely no, you will not be doing xyz and neither will your child who needs family time and rest.

Millybob · 14/10/2023 17:04

I wouldn't allow him to make any arrangements or accept invitations on my behalf. If he wants your daughter to be at a party at 7.30, then he needs to take her himself. And it's not rude at all if you don't show; his friends - his invitation - he sorts it.
Take back control. And if he goes on his own and leaves you baby-sitting, then make it absolutely clear that you are entitled to as much as free time as he gets, to use as you please.
I feel exhausted reading this - but I hate parties.

Couldyounot · 14/10/2023 17:02

If someone kept making plans for me it would drive me round the bend. Does he actually check with you first or does he assume you're OK with whatever it is?

Original poster
TeddynIzzy · 14/10/2023 16:58

Spottywombat · 14/10/2023 16:54

I'd be getting a divorce.

Care to expand?
Seems like an extreme response to there being too many plans.

OP posts:
ProfessionalTeaDrinker · 14/10/2023 16:58

I'm exhausted just reading that. No, yanbu. Tell him you've booked plans and then on the day just say the plans are staying home do whatever it is you want? Or, the option I'd probably have already done, throw an epic tantrum and refuse to leave the house and tell him to come the fuck home or else.

Spottywombat · 14/10/2023 16:54

I'd be getting a divorce.