Husband denies everything

If he lies about little things does he lie about the big things OP? I’d find it hard to know what’s true or not if someone compulsively lies.

@BearFacedCheekGrylls That’s grim, how the hell does snot get on the shower walls?!

My son is ND (he is autistic and ADHD, he’s also 8)… he knows not to leave the bathroom in a mess! Most of the time he notices himself, but on the occasions he genuinely doesn’t notice / realise, he always gets sent back in to clean it up and is very apologetic. Honestly OP, your partner is just gross!

Very very immature. My ex was like this & was also a compulsive liar. I think it goes back to childhood and having an enabling parent, most likely mother. You can't fix it, he has to do it himself, go to therapy or something. I know how infuriating it is!

He's lying because he can't cope with being to blame for anything - it stems from very low self esteem. My OH was like this, I thought he just lied about little things - turned out he was up to all sorts trying to boost his pathetic ego because he had no genuine self esteem.

Sounds like he needs to learn to pull his foreskin back a bit before peeing.

But yeah totally with you it's grim of him to leave the bathroom in a state if your children use the same bathroom. It doesn't take much to wipe up pee off the floor with tissue paper and flush it down the loo or wipe away toothpaste/stubble after shaving etc. Might be a push to expect him to put bleach down the loo though. Been together with my DH for 6 years and I don't think anyone else has ever put bleach down the loo except me!

OP in future when posting, leaving out details and stick to the main point. Or else you get loads of annoying comments like on this that focus on en-suite/main bathroom rather than the issue! it’s so annoying as an OP!

So just post ‘he pissed in the bathroom and then denied it even though he was the only one that used it’.

It’s annoying you have to omit so much background stuff but for some reason posters get caught up a tiny detail that have nothing to do with your post and the thread gets completely derailed!

sympathies about your DH though. Unless he can admit he’s a habitual liar and needs help it won’t change unfortunately! Especially as he lies about lying!

Suggest he sits down to pee. Much better for the bladder, and no trying to aim.

I wasn’t trying to be antagonistic, I am just in shock that a grown man would act like that.
I’m sorry if it came across that way.

I assumed that OP was also annoyed that he’d used the main bathroom toilet, which is why she gave the back story of having to bleach it and her using a different one etc.

The lying is (I think) the main issue and if he’s denying it, then he’s blaming his dd by implication. I cannot understand a grown up pissing on the floor. Utterly disgusting.

This post is less antagonistic than others of yours so I apologise for my previous post.

Don't worry about @1month OP.

They deliberately misread posts just to argue the toss for hours.

I then heard him go in and pee and go into the main bathroom to brush his teeth then go to bed.
i went up to bed shortly after and there was very obviously wee all around the base of the toilet and the toilet seat was up.

Ok it sounded like you meant the main bathroom in your OP, which is why you were annoyed as you’d already told him not to use it.

Its irrelevant though because the bathroom that he used isn’t the issue.

The issue is that he pissed all over the floor and didn’t clean it up and then lied about it.

I agree with a previous post that this is probably a psychological thing that stems from childhood. I used to be similar in my childhood/teens, I had a frankly weird ability to either forget or lie to MYSELF to the point where I genuinely believed I hadn’t moved a key, left something out etc.

I did work on it/grow out of it but to this day, when ‘accused’ of something my first instinct is to justify why I’m not a terrible person, not just say sorry. a work in progress.

MN isn’t a good place to get relationship advice. The answer always seems to be ‘divorce him’…

Challenge him sure, but also take a broad view of the good this man does for you and your family.

Just keep doing something that pisses him off then deny it. “Wasn’t me. Must be the same ghost that pisses on the floor and can’t be arsed to clean it up”.

All sounds very familiar. Strange how I don’t wipe snot off the shower walls now that exh has moved out…

I'm not sure it's about strict parenting. My stbxh had a easy childhood. He was, and still is, viewed as being unable to do any wrong by his family. They don't see the selfish, lazy, lying man who puts himself over his own children, even when it's in their faces. Since he's the golden child, why lie? I don't get it.

Well I'm going to go against the grain here and ask if it's a new thing? If so I think I'd be tempted to get him to visit the doctor. Could it be there's something wrong and he genuinely doesn't remember doing this stuff? Just seems too bloody weird and pointless to lie about? Is he of an age where something like dementia could be a concern?

'This is exactly it. It’s the lies that annoy me'

Lying about gates and fridge doors? It isn't that important is it. He's maybe just thick and doesn't notice this stuff.

What are his redeeming qualities, eg good parent, fun company, good in bed, decent earner? Anything that overides piss splashes and fridge doors or is he a failure in all departments?

You are definitely being gaslighted OP!

I’m actually in shock that a grown adult pisses everywhere and just leaves it for his wife to clean up.

It is vile behaviour and I’m guessing just the tip of the iceberg.

Yep. I've got one like this. Very strict (see dysfunctional) privileged upbringing. It makes you feel crazy. He's gotten better but I do try to remind myself it's a result of the shitty parenting he suffered.

We've now got a job rota between us & our 2 boys that still live at home.

Guess who is never ever ever cleaning the toilet on it. Never ever. Ever! I've done my time.

I haven’t misread your post.

You put bleach in the main bathroom toilet - the toilet you don’t use, so why are you the one putting bleach in?

You told him not to use the main bathroom but you heard him doing so.

Then you went into the main bathroom again for some reason (as you don’t usually use it) and then decided to clean his piss up instead of waking him up and getting him to do it himself.

I assumed if he was in bed your DD might be too and she may have made the mess but that was more because I couldn’t believe that you’re cleaning a bathroom you don’t use, then having a grown man pissing everywhere and then cleaning it up yourself.

Yep, I've had the same as @Oldthyme . I have no idea why, it's obvious to a blind frog they are lying, but still do it. I've been starting to think he just likes seeing the confusion on my face.