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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask for a "gift" back?

109 replies

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:42

I'm currently decluttering. I have an iPad Pro 2021 that has just been sitting there gathering dust. It was used as my primary note-taking device for a 3-4 month stint while I was doing some courses, but now that that's over, I've been trying to sell it on.

An old acquaintances of mine saw my post on Facebook and sent a sob story about how her DS could really use it for school, how they are really struggling with the CoL crisis etc. She asked if I could loan them the iPad for 2-3 years till things get better for them. In 2-3 years it'd depreciate even more and selling it then would take more effort than what it was worth so I said I'd give it to her.

That was 2 weeks ago. Fast forward to yesterday I messaged her asking how DS was getting along with his iPad and she told me that she was planning to sell it on, get a cheaper iPad, and then use the extra money to get the kids some presents for Christmas! If I'd known her DS wasn't going to use the iPad I'd have just sold it on instead of giving it to her!! My plan was never to subsidise her Christmas...

I've since asked for the iPad back which she is very reluctant about. She's been saying something about how they've already factory reset the device, have arranged for a buyer to collect it next week, have looked into getting a base model device etc. Asked her to pay my original asking price (which is £50 more than what she's posted it for) and she said she can't afford that.

WIBU to ask her to give it back or pay the asking price minus £50? I know it was a gift but the only reason I offered to give it to her is because she said her DS REALLY needed it and was going to use it!

OP posts:

YerArseInParsley · 10/01/2024 22:50

What happened in the end?

YerArseInParsley · 10/01/2024 22:45

Why would you say I'll give you it? You were selling it. She was cheeky enough to give a sob story and ask to borrow something for 2 years, something you were planning on selling.

I'm not shocked she's selling it, you should expect something like this from someone that has the brass neck to ask for something that you are selling and for free but you can't ask for it back, you told her she could have it unless you meant on lone?

Testina · 10/10/2023 22:22

She’s brazen, I’ll give her that!
It’s odd that you just gave away something so expensive to someone who isn’t even a friend.
You did give it though, so she can do what she likes with it.
I’d just focus on the fact it was your choice to give it away, so you’re not down financially.

Ilikeyourdecor · 10/10/2023 22:17

Tbry · 10/10/2023 20:36

It would make a HUGE difference!

If someone gives you things to help you out, for example Baby things that’s them making sure you have everything you need and are not struggling. Once your child outgrows the items you should then do the same with them, they are not yours to sell on 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

But they already knew I wasn't struggling. They just wanted to declutter. I genuinely don't care if people I've given free stuff to want to make the effort to sell it. I don't want it back.

But, as I previously mentioned, this isn't really the same as the OP's dilemma. Because the people who gave me free baby stuff had no inclination to sell it themselves and didn't want it back.

CaramelMac · 10/10/2023 20:44

You gave it to her on condition that her son use it because he needed it, it so she could sell it for some extra cash, which is what you’d been going to do yourself. She’s a nasty piece of work for trying to make money off a gift to her son so the normal rules don’t apply, so I’d say you’re right to ask for it back.

plumtreebroke · 10/10/2023 20:43

Forget it, you gave it to her but never help her out again.

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 10/10/2023 20:39

Tbry · 10/10/2023 20:36

It would make a HUGE difference!

Show quote history

I agree @Tbry. It’s the drive thing to do.

Tbry · 10/10/2023 20:37

PrincessHoneysuckle · 10/10/2023 14:22

There's an unwritten rule that if someone gives you something for free then you don't sell it on you just don't its cheeky af.

Completely agree! They are helping you out then in turn you help someone else out.

Tbry · 10/10/2023 20:36

Ilikeyourdecor · 10/10/2023 15:43

I did use it. Then dc grew out of it. I could have given it to charity, but what difference would that really make to the original owner vs me selling it?

Show quote history

It would make a HUGE difference!

redastherose · 10/10/2023 20:35

Personally I think this is a conditional gift, you gave it on the understanding that her son would be using it for 3-4 years. The minute she said she was going to sell it instead then she has broken the condition under which the gift was made and hence the gifting is negated and you are entitled to request the he return of the iPad or payment in lieu thereof.

brentwoods · 10/10/2023 20:33

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 14:04

Technically I know it's hers as I've given it to her. Still doesn't help that I feel like I've been cheated. It's not too different from when someone asks you to give them money under false pretences when their goal has always been to profit off you. Guess I've been naive and gullible then.

You were cheated. You gave it to her for her son to use because she said she was desperate. Very rude of her. I'd have no problem asking for it back as you gave it to her with the condition that her son was going to use it, not that she was going to fund Christmas off your back.

velvetstars · 10/10/2023 20:32

Definitely get it back. The friendship is over anyway so make sure you're not out of pocket the money for the iPad and a friendship. She is a CF, it wasn't a gift as it was obtained by deceit.

SunsetCurtain · 10/10/2023 20:32

She can keep the iPad but sadly if it were me, she'd be losing the friendship.

Tbry · 10/10/2023 20:30

It was a loan, the iPad is your iPad. Of course you can ask for it back.

It’s not up to you to pay for her sons Christmas presents.

What on earth is wrong with some people.

MiniBossFromAus · 10/10/2023 20:24

OrangeEggsAndHam · 10/10/2023 13:50

She said she wanted to borrow it. Her idea was that they'd keep it in tip top condition, and in 2-3 years, I'll be able to sell it as I was intending to. The issue is that tech moves quickly and in 2-3 years the iPad would probably be worth a fraction of what it's worth now. Frankly I felt sorry for her DS from what she said so I'd give it to them. No where in the equation was I expecting her to want to profit off of me.

Techo here.

In 2-3 years you would likely not even been able to give it away. A 3 year old iPad is worth 2/5ths of nothing.

You gave it away. Your loss, sorry your friend is cheeky as fuck.

musicforthesoul · 10/10/2023 20:24

I'd be livid. It's not like you gave it to her as a birthday present, it was purely so her DS could have something she said he needed. I'd be wanting the ipad back. I'd probably reluctantly accept your asking price minus 50 if she'd really rather do the money as that seems in the range you'd expect to negotiate for a used ipad.

if she refuses entirely I don't think you have any legal comeback so in that case you'd have to write it off unfortunately. That would be the end of the friendship for me though, I'd feel scammed.

caringcarer · 10/10/2023 20:21

Did you give it to her or her DS? If her DS insist it is his to use or she return it.

cansu · 10/10/2023 20:20

I would get it back. Normally I would say a gift is a gift but this seems very dishonest of her.

Millybob · 10/10/2023 20:16

She's a CF. I'd be banging on her door and demanding it back. Loudly.

Lewiscapaldiscat · 10/10/2023 20:09

This isn’t an either or - get it back and cut her off!

can you block it as stolen?

Sumtimesiamgreen · 10/10/2023 20:06

Knock on her door and ask for it back. You’ve lost a friend anyway

CutiePatooties · 10/10/2023 20:04

@boscabosco no, you might need to go back to school and get an education.

If they’ve had discussions via messages where the OP has said she is giving it to her as a gift, then the property now belongs to her friend.

I’m not a walkover. I wouldn’t have given the friend the iPad in the first place, if I wanted the money from selling it.

You do know a gift and a loan aren’t the same thing? Google it, if you know how to operate a search engine with that brain of yours!

boscabosco · 10/10/2023 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

billy1966 · 10/10/2023 17:42

She is an absolute con artist.

I would be getting that back.

No way would I tolerate such premeditated scamming like that.

Foreveristoolong · 10/10/2023 17:22

Tell her you understand, to pop back with it and you’ll give her the money for a cheaper one and towards her Xmas …. Get it back in your hand and slam the door in her face

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