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Original poster

DS has hit his bully today

83 replies

Prefend · 10/10/2023 13:15

hes yr7. He’s been saying this boy has been being mean to him and goading him for a few weeks. Had a phone call earlier asking me to go into school later as he’s punched this boy in the eye.
how do I handle this? I don’t condone violence, but I know that everyone has a breaking point and when enough is enough and they snap

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DelilahBucket · 10/10/2023 19:10

I say this as the other parent, wait until you've got the full facts. My DS was being bullied for months online and face to face by a lad in his year, unbeknown to me. Things came to a head and the bully punched DS, then insisted DS was the bully and he'd pushed him too far. His mother stormed into school and also congratulated her son for punching his bully. It quickly came to light with months of evidence that DS was the victim, not the other way round. DS had a really hard time at school afterwards because this lad had gone round telling everyone DS was a bully and they believed him.
The lad was excluded for two days for the violence, before all the evidence came to light, so expect that to happen. He was then isolated for a week. DS had a broken nose for his efforts 😔.

Ivebeentogeorgia · 10/10/2023 19:05

tellittothemoon · 10/10/2023 18:12

You need to tell your son that he did the right thing. However, you also need to make him aware that that there are two sets of standards at play here. School can't condone violence, so he has to take the rap. You, however, are allowed your own set of rules, and can give him a pat on the back for stepping up to defend himself. It's the Game of Life.

I agree with this. I tell my son he isn’t to start a fight but he can finish one. However by choosing to finish one, he has to accept he will have a school consequence. He won’t ever have a consequence from me from finishing a fight but he would from starting a fight. He understands this. Well done to your DS. Hope that bully backs off now.

Elvis1956 · 10/10/2023 19:05

I listened to young again on radio 4, where Kirsty Young asks famous people about there lives and what advice they would have given their younger selves.
Mine would have been to batter my bully, I found out too late that my parents who I didn't want to disappoint would have supported me and that I was more than capable of looking after myself in a fight.
I should have done it at 12/13 and it would have made life at school better...strangely at that age I was fighting grown men but was too worried about getting in trouble at school to stand up for myself

MrsCarson · 10/10/2023 18:51

The school knew so your son was right to defend himself.
I always told my kids not to start anything, but if someone hits you, make sure you defend yourself or the bully will come back and do it again over and over.

Here4thechocs · 10/10/2023 18:36

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 16:06

Well done by your son. You never start a fight, but you are well within your rights to finish it.

Absolutely spot on. This is what I say to my children. I don’t want to hear you started a fight & in the same v, I do not want to hear “ I didn’t do anything “.

Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 18:33

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 18:14

If my eyes rolled any harder, they'd be stuck.

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Disagree. This kid is bigger than him. If he’d just put his arms up to stop him, he’d have been pummelled. I’m very proud of my boy for giving the little prick a beating! He had it coming

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Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 18:31

Well, we didn’t congratulate him but we definitely didn’t punish him. I talked to him about ‘one punch’ and how easily it can go very wrong.
hopefully it’s all done with now

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Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 18:14

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2023 17:37

Self defence doesn’t mean punching someone in the eye. It means stopping someone from hitting you.

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If my eyes rolled any harder, they'd be stuck.

tellittothemoon · 10/10/2023 18:12

You need to tell your son that he did the right thing. However, you also need to make him aware that that there are two sets of standards at play here. School can't condone violence, so he has to take the rap. You, however, are allowed your own set of rules, and can give him a pat on the back for stepping up to defend himself. It's the Game of Life.

MrsMarzetti · 10/10/2023 17:46

Well done to your Son, i would shake his hand if i met him. They only way to stop a bully is to give them a taste of their own medicine. I hope to god it was a bloody good left hook that put the bully on his backside and hurt like hell. Well done your lad👏

Desecratedcoconut · 10/10/2023 17:46

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2023 17:37

Self defence doesn’t mean punching someone in the eye. It means stopping someone from hitting you.

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Well, punching him in the eye seems to have put an end to the matter.

Soontobe60 · 10/10/2023 17:37

BoohooWoohoo · 10/10/2023 13:16

Are the school aware that your son has been bullied? Self defence is justified imo.

Self defence doesn’t mean punching someone in the eye. It means stopping someone from hitting you.

ssd · 10/10/2023 17:32

Good on him

Facefortheradio · 10/10/2023 17:27

A few years ago I wouldn't really have had a strong opinion on this but today I do. My Y8 DS is getting bullied and was jumped at the weekend by these creatures. 6 of them. DS had been with friends but was on his way home alone.
My kid does martial arts - he started this shortly after the bullying started in Y7. He didn't fight back but blocked and defended himself.
I wish I was getting the call you got.
Obviously I'd never tell DS this. He is so miserable and unhappy.
I hope your boy is OK and the scumbag who has been bullying him leaves him alone.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 10/10/2023 17:16

Seainasive · 10/10/2023 13:38

I was so pleased when my DS finally did that and told him so. The bully had it coming. I also told him to accept the punishment his school gave him without argument.

Why should you son accept a punishment when he was standing up to his bully?

Regholdsworthswaterbed · 10/10/2023 17:08

I'd go in, have his back and tell him he did the right thing. Good for him. If you choose to bully someone you deserve a smack in the mouth.

Nothankyou22 · 10/10/2023 17:04

I’d support my son in his decision regardless of what the school say, my son is autistic and was bullied so badly he was scared of his own shadow but didn’t fight back, I ended up kicking off at his parents because nothing was done for months and it stopped immediately.

hookiewookie29 · 10/10/2023 16:59

Good on him!!
Hopefully the bully will leave him alone now.
My daughter was bullied in year 10 and 11. Maybe if she'd slapped a couple of them, then she wouldn't be the mess that she is now.

Froodwithatowel · 10/10/2023 16:54

Excellent news OP!

alongcameboo · 10/10/2023 16:39

icallitasplodge · 10/10/2023 14:56

I’d start with “it’s unfortunate that the schools failure to deal with continuous bullying led to the escalation of this matter, where my son was left to defend himself instead”

Perfect!

MammaTo · 10/10/2023 16:33

Well done to the school and to your son.

Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 16:13

Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 16:06

Well done by your son. You never start a fight, but you are well within your rights to finish it.

Absolutely. This is what we’ve said to him. I picked him up early and took him to a cafe. He’s my hero. Wish I could have stuck up for myself like that at his age

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/10/2023 16:06

Well done by your son. You never start a fight, but you are well within your rights to finish it.

Original poster
Prefend · 10/10/2023 16:05

Back from meeting the head. They’re in agreement that the other boy is the instigator. There’ll be no further punishment for my DC but other boy will have detention tomorrow as he didn’t today. We told the head to pass on that we hope the boy is ok, to his parents.

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bellamae1 · 10/10/2023 16:03

Just been through this with my year 7 when he first started there was a boy constantly making racist remarks against my son and he and his mate kicked and punched my son twice in the face then the next day again it happened spoke to school and they said they will speak to the other lad's parents, anyway my son snapped he said he just saw red when the lad was again making racist remarks about him & tbh I said good on him he wasn't coming home with black eyes and bloody nose all for the other boy to get a phone call home! No chance he doesn't see violence at home so why should he go to school and feel unsafe there!