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AIBU?

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Original poster

To worry when he does this

46 replies

Hunnybee3E · 10/10/2023 12:38

My boyfriend and I are on the rocks and today we were meeting up to discuss our relationship. I had an appointment at 10 and said I'd walk the 5 minutes to his flat after around 11am. He has bad depression and recently has lost his job and moped about in his flat. He's not doing so great and unfortunately I end up being blamed and accused of causing him more stress. He gets quite abusive with his words. He has admitted several times lately he's got nothing and has had enough. Over the weekend he wanted to borrow a sum of money from me which I didn't have. It resulted in him being cold with me. Then he began to get more and more rude until I said i was close to walking away. Yesterday he started the day off normal but started moaning he was sick of messaging. It was him doing the messages so I was quite surprised at the sudden complaint.

So after a heated argument again I told him.i thought he needed some time alone to work out if its me that's the issue or is it life. This resulted in him getting more upset. So I offered to go as planned today. He said he wanted to see me. Anyway I got a message last night saying goodnight with a heart. I've heard nothing from him today at all..he's vanished.

Aibu to panick that sometimes happened. I dont know what to do.

OP posts:
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ThinWomansBrain · 29/03/2024 19:08

zombie post

Fairysteps11 · 29/03/2024 19:05

Are you ok, op?

NannaKaren · 29/03/2024 18:03

Walk away x

INeedAnotherName · 10/10/2023 14:39

Hunnybee3E · 10/10/2023 13:57

Will the police come to my house if I ring for a welfare check

No. They will go to his house. Or any address you give them that you think he will be at, ie his parents.

This man is not your responsibility. He needs expert, professional care that you cannot provide. By calling the police you are creating the access for him, and it will be up to him to continue with the professional help. You can no longer help him.

TomatoSandwiches · 10/10/2023 14:35

Hunnybee3E · 10/10/2023 13:57

Will the police come to my house if I ring for a welfare check

No, they will go to his address.

1month · 10/10/2023 14:26

Text him to tell him that if he doesn’t reply you’ll be phoning the police.

Give him 20mins then ring them for a welfare check at his property.

Then tell him it’s over and block him.

This ‘relationship’ (if you can even call it that) is going to drag you down.

Relationships are meant to be fun and are meant to add to your life.
They shouldn’t make you feel worried, upset or stressed.

rainbowstardrops · 10/10/2023 14:18

So did you go to his flat at 11 as planned?

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 10/10/2023 14:05

Women’s Aid, OP
They will help you.

you are being dragged down. He is not your responsibility.

rumred · 10/10/2023 14:01

I'd message him saying you will call the police if you don't hear from him in next x minutes. I personally wouldn't call the police until I thought there really was a problem rather than a sulk/lack of communication
For you, maybe try mind or a local mental health support organisation. Or samaritans if immediate support needed. Also talk to friends about it,, they may be able to give you perspective

redribbonrose · 10/10/2023 14:00

No family who speaks to him? No friends? No job?

🚩

redribbonrose · 10/10/2023 13:58

Oh, does he have a parent or sibling you can call?

I would walk away from this relationship

Original poster
Hunnybee3E · 10/10/2023 13:57

Will the police come to my house if I ring for a welfare check

OP posts:
Fionaville · 10/10/2023 13:56

Get away from him as fast as you can. This isn't what you want from life. He's not your problem to fix.

RandomButtons · 10/10/2023 13:55

Good grief throw this one back. You deserve so much better

INeedAnotherName · 10/10/2023 13:52

For him - call the police for a welfare check.
For you - call women's aid. You are in an abusive relationship.

Used2beMw · 10/10/2023 13:48

Women’s aid OP.
You need to know this isn’t your fault, nor your responsibility to resolve.

jumpfh · 10/10/2023 13:39

You need to put yourself first and walk away from this relationship - he's manipulative. And he's not a positive in your life.

LostThestral · 10/10/2023 13:37

I'm confused - so did you not turn up at 11 to his flat as agreed?

TheCatterall · 10/10/2023 13:33

samaritans. A number of National mental
health support charities - they support the family as well as the individual.

who Do you want to talk to. Someone to offload to? Or help with what to do?

GP, arrange talking therapy etc?

TwilightSkies · 10/10/2023 13:27

I'm all he has.

Cus no-one will put up with his shit except you. Stay strong, block, move on. He’s not your problem

Original poster
Hunnybee3E · 10/10/2023 13:26

Is there anyone I can call for some.support for myself

OP posts:
TheCatterall · 10/10/2023 13:25

He’s manipulating you @Hunnybee3E

if he threatens suicide or you are worried about him I’d ring the police and ask for a welfare check.

if he’s ok - he knows full well what he’s doing . It’s a pick me dance and pity me party to draw you back in line.

he’ll be so sorry etc. you’ll look after him. And then it will all start again.

he’s not helping himself. He’s verbally abusive. You are his verbal punch bag because everyone else has established boundaries around this and walked away.

by staying you tell him this is ok.
By telling him you won’t put up with the behaviour and still staying you really tell him it’s ok..

it’s not ok. You can’t fix him. Walk away before he drags you down further.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 10/10/2023 13:12

Ps there is likely a very good reason why everyone else is out of his life. His lack of friends and family are his problem and of his doing - not your responsibility

Steev · 10/10/2023 13:11

Dump him. He's manipulative and mean to want you spending your day off worrying. He knows exactly what he's doing.

Whowhatwherewhenwhy1 · 10/10/2023 13:11

All of the above. Sounds like you are being manipulated and depression is no excise to be abusive towards someone you supposedly care about. Stop phoning and texting and leave him to it.

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