Partner doesn't know where he was ??

Can't work out if it's some kind of double bluff level trolling or what. I can't imagine someone having the front to roll in without an excuse for something so out of character, but then maybe that's what they're going for? 🤔

How mullered was he when he got home?

What i would do?
I would be extremely worried and concerned as this has NEVER happened before throughout our 20 years marriage.

But, has your H got form for doing this?

When I was young I once woke up after a night out drinking collapsed in someone's door way, and stumbled home. I don't remember how I got there. Other people remember me leaving the bar we were at, I probably lost about 5-6 hours. But even then I knew that I had woken up "at a doorway". It was pre mobile phones so I wondered around town until I found a square I recognised and then walked home. I was still drunk when I got home, but i still had to have some awareness to make it home. It's just ridiculous to claim all memory has gone.

No memory would have been believable had a friend dropped him off in a state, but not like this.

Most normal adults would be quite concerned and perplexed, or mildly curious at the very least, if they had no recollection of where they had been for hours.

Does he have a history of getting black out drunk?

Take a little bit of time to come to terms with it. I’m sorry but he has likely been cheating. Everything you do from here on out will be with your eyes open.

I once asked a man if it was worth leaving a partner due to infidelity when so many cheat anyway. He said if a man cheats, gets caught and continues to lie to your face….he’ll do it again and he won’t respect you. I believe this is true. The initial act is one thing….the arrogant lying is something else. Lying means no respect, no care, no intention of you knowing what happened (they don’t want you to know their methods so you can’t ruin their “fun”), and no intention of stopping.

He’ll regret it later.

@LightDrizzle "I’d think he was lying and I’d thank my lucky stars were weren’t married."

Why on earth would being married make a difference?

He knows where he woke up, surely. He just doesn't want to say. Sorry OP, but I doubt it's anything nice to hear.

The only way this ‘ I don’t remember’ thing being true is plausible is if he has come home at midday black out drunk and has been drinking/doing drugs all morning.

But I mean in this scenario I would expect him to stumble through the door at midday, unable to form cohesive sentences and behaving like a generally blacked out drunk person.

However I can’t say in all my years of partying that I have ever blacked out until lunch time the next day or entirely not remembered where I have been/what I’ve been doing. If he went back to someone’s house for afters and kept going through the night and all morning he would surely still remember at least vaguely that he’s been at someone’s house.

Im genuinely trying to play devils advocate here and see if there could possibly be any truth in what he’s saying and even at a total stretch I am still coming up short.

He may have crashed out pissed or high (or both), but he will have known where he was when he woke up. To say otherwise is evasive bullshit.

I lost part of my memory once from a head injury and it was flipping terrifying and I was desperately trying to remember where I'd been, what I'd done, trying to piece it together with other people. There is no way he has no memory before arriving at your house.

He is seriously insulting your intelligence.

get his phone and go to google maps. click on pic at top then click on "your timeline" you can go back to saturday night and see location. this is android no idea about apple phones

Is it possible he was still drunk to the point of disorientation in the morning so has no recollection of where he woke up?

Even if he had been abducted by aliens he would still know where the fuck he woke up. Don't be silly.

he's been cheating all
night with someeone or he's
been
on drugs all
night with someeone. prob a bit of both if he is insisting he 'can't remember'.
pack his bags, the memories will soon return x

This is one thing that actually makes me think it may not be what everyone else is assuming... I mean if he had cheated, he would surely have come up with some kind of story!

Is it possible he was still drunk to the point of disorientation in the morning so has no recollection of where he woke up?

It's possible that his phone and/or bank cards will give some clue as to where he's been.

I'd say he was with someone he shouldn't be. He's insulting your intelligence.

Or - drank a spiked drink?

Kick him out until he remembers (or comes up with a cover story should I say).

If he got public transport he’d likely still have the ticket.

I’d want to see his bank statement and see if he’s booked a hotel or something paid for public transport etc, although these thing’s probably won’t show for a few days.

It’s likely he went back to a woman’s home and then walked home or got a bid from there, so there’d be no actual proof.

I’ve been here. Stupidly, I let it pass, and endured several more years of late nights / lack of memory / ‘why don’t you trust me?’ gaslighting bollocks.

Like a PP said, with hindsight, I wish I’d offered him one final chance the first time he did it: “Our marriage is on the line. Sit down now and tell me exactly where you were and anything else I should know. Show me your texts, WhatsApps and phone calls from that night. Let me see your location history. If you can’t do that, it is over, now.”

If I’d done that, I’d have been out of the relationship much sooner and saved myself years of heartache. It really is better to be divorced and independent, than married and hurt.

Sorry - it does sound a bit like he might have been with someone else. Could have been a man or woman. Or doing something he knows you wouldn't like. (Drugs/strip club/night in the cells.)
I guess it's up to you with whether you can live with what he potentially might have done. Or, you walk away.
I suspect he isn't going to tell you, either way.

You did nothing wrong.

He can literally check where he was.
If he really blacked out up to the front door he will be making dr appointments and trying to piece it together, not calmly saying he doesn't know.
Think about how you'd react if you had no recollection of 12 hours of your own life

He must know where he woke up? He was in sound mind enough to get home after all?

It is just about possible that he passed out somewhere at some point and doesn't know where he was. As a teenager I once left a bar at ~ 3am and didn't get home for six hours, and to this day have no idea where I spent the intervening period. I arrived home with the lower half of my trouser legs muddy, wet and frozen solid, so possibly I'd been in water at some stage. It's terrifying to think what could have happened, and I've never had such extreme blackout drunk memory loss since.

So, perhaps it's not the most likely explanation but it's possible that your partner really doesn't know where he spent a good chunk of this time. The amount of time he claims to have lost seems on the higher side of plausible though. In any case if he's getting into a state (through alcohol or drugs) where this has really happened then this is just as much of a problem as if he's cheating, and needs to be addressed one way or another.

Op, kick him the fuck out. How dare he treat you so disrespectfully. Although, I'm guessing it's not the first time.

He might have been arrested and spent the night in a cell? Happened to an ex of mine.

Absolutely pathetic that he couldn't even be bothered to try and think of a lie. Whatever he did, it was behind your back and he clearly doesn't want you to know about it. I wouldn't believe anything he says now.