Partner doesn't know where he was ??

It would make more sense if he rocked up early hours still off his face and didn't know how he got there but not when he turned up at noon the next day, hours after the pubs and clubs shut and he likely last drank.

What’s worrying is that he seems to not even care enough to make up a story.

Most people would think ‘Fuck, fuck, I’ve had a one night stand and I’m rocking up at home at midday on a Sunday. Quick quick think of a story. I’ll say I bumped in to Matt and Steve from college who I last saw in 2003 and we started catching up, having a laugh, doing shots, went to a late night club and ended up crashing out at Matts flat, hotel, went for a fry-up this morning and my phone died.

He doesn’t seem to even give a shit and thinks you’re going to be satisfied with a half-arsed ‘can’t remember’. I’d be going mental.

If I were you I'd drop an anonymous tip off to his workplace that he should be tested ASAP. Plenty of places online to create a burner email address or mobile number.

That should deal with if it was drugs or not.

if he can’t even be bothered to come up with an explanation it seems like he’s hoping you will end it anyway. If he had done something he shouldn’t but wanted to be with you he would surely have some kind of cover story.

I'm so sorry. There's no way this is true.

A teenager or young adult getting black out drunk - yeah, that can happen. But a grown man who knows how he handles alcohol - next to impossible that he doesn't remember how he got home.

He's lying because he thinks he will look bad. Whether it's as bad as he slept with another woman or not, who knows. I think you have to assume the worst of he won't tell you though.

Don't feel bad about calling his parents. It's just Karma that he's going to have to explain himself or make himself look like a prick to his parents as well as you.

He's lying. Probably trying to buy some time while he tries to think of some kind of story to spin you.

I have been reminded here of a (fairly outing) incident some years ago. I was at a social event for a club (think hobby/sports) I hadn't been doing for long - and was there with two friends. I was staying with one, as lived out of the city at the time.

Another girl (who we didn't know well) got VERY drunk. When we were leaving, she was alone with some strange guys, so made her get in a taxi with us. We couldn't get a home address out of her, so ended up taking her back with us, and putting her on a blow up bed in the lounge.

In the morning, she had disappeared, having also left the flat door slightly open, worryingly. I thought I'd heard a door at about 8am, but had thought it was the bathroom - I suspect it was her leaving. She had also wet the bed (and had slept in her clothes.... so went home in pissy jeans.)

We didn't have a number for her, so had to wait until the usual meet up on a Monday night, at which point she said she wasn't sure where she was when she woke up, so she just left! However, it turned out she had a real drink problem, and this wasn't unusual for her... she had actually gone out for a boozy brunch on the Sunday morning, straight from leaving us (still in the pissy jeans.)

So, I suppose it's worth asking yourself if he has this level of drink problem......

I’d be thinking he’s a liar & possibly a cheat.
Begin steps to end the relationship. He’s not into you any more.

Sounds like your relationship has totally broken down. He's not even bothering anymore

Hes waiting for you to tell him what you know before he lies and cant wriggle out of it.

Of course he knows where he was because he knows how he got home to you. He planned a route home, whether that was walking through town or catching a 55 bus.

What a load of tosh.

he thinks you are really really stupid doesn't he?

First time?

I would take him by his word and be very concerned.
Immediately going to the hospital for a drug test etc. Sounds like his drink might have been spiked, checking for head injuries etc.

This would obviously also require STD tests, possibly HIV PEP, a police report, checking all his cards for unathorised purchases etc.

His reaction to this will be quite telling. Seeing as having a memory lapse of (ca.) 14 hours would be very concerning to any reasonable person.

I can understand having blank moments if it was a big night (although I think it's super irresponsible to get that drunk) however he would surely know where he woke up that morning.

Yeah I’d not believe him. Even when I’ve been really drunk in my younger days I always knew where I stayed

I'd think that he was a very bad liar and that he took me for stupid. Then I would tell him as much and that he could go back to wherever he had been.

I'd he really had disappeared his mates would have panicked when you rang asking where he was. If they didn't they probably actually knew where he was.

He might not remember exactly what happened, but he knows where he woke up. "I don't remember" means he's covering something up - something he's embarrassed by. The fact it's such a shit cover story suggests what he did, it wasn't pre-meditated (he'd have come up with something better had it been planned). That might or might not make a difference to you.

There are many possibilities, some of which are more relationship-ending than others. But the point is, whatever it is, he isn't sharing what he does know with you. That's not a partner.

I would sit him down calmly and explain this point to him. If tells you what happened, maybe you'll leave. If he doesn't tell you what happened, you definitely will.

So no phone activity, no bank payments, no texts or WhatsApp’s to his mates after 10pm. He’s let you have his phone to look through to see if you can ‘help’ jog his memory. Does he look angst riddled… or ‘I don’t know what bullshit excuse to pull’.

Obviously a crock of shit. But he must know you're not going to swallow that long-term, so I reckon he's buying time - trying to construct something plausible that he will 'suddenly' remember. It has probably not helped him that his mates have already said that they don't know where he was because even if they were thought they were covering for him at the time, they have now ruled themselves out as alibis...

The bottom line is that he is lying and what scenario - other than cheating - would make you lie?

I don't think I"d even give him an ultimatum. I'd tell him that we are done based not only on my assumption that he cheated, but on his assumption that he has basically told me - to my face - that he thinks I am stupid.

And then I'd make actual moves to show him that I mean what I say.

He MAY come up with something that saves this, but it's up to him to deliver now - not you.

Sorry that he's demeaned you like this OP.

I’d be sending him to be tested for STD’s and/ or packing his bags.

Bollocks, innit? In the morning he wouldn't have been drunk, so why can't he remember where he woke up?

If it was true he'd have said 'Shit, I can't remember anything about the night and when I woke up I was in a flat in [name of place]' wouldn't he?

That would account for not knowing where he was in the night. He can't use that for the morning / afternoon. He got home at mid day. He woke up somewhere. He travelled homr from somewhere. He knows. He just doesn't want to say. Also he can't pretend go have fallen asleep in a public place like a park because he would have woken up and been home before midday.

Surely you would know where you were you woke up, presumably at least half sober why do people tell such ridiculous lies.

because it is harder to extricate yourself from a marriage.