Children hitting childminder

The kids are hitting the OP. This is a major problem. Is it the kids' fault? Not really, they clearly haven't been taught better by their parents. So yes, I blame the parents, especially if they are as wishy washy about it as the OP describes.

As a teacher I absolutely judge parents. Just like people judge teachers, waiters, cleaners, lawyers, doctors or whoever. Some people are good at their jobs, some aren't. Being a parent is arguably one of the most important jobs you could ever have. Unfortunately, some people struggle with it. And whatever their reasons (money worries, being abused as kids themselves, MH etc), the sad fact remains that their children are the ones who suffer for it.

Piss poor parenting . I would tell them about their child's appalling behaviour and give them notice.
Don't stand for this.

Literally this is not even close to the point the op is making. Your circumstance is completely the opposite. People are allowed to judge others, sometimes it’s not nice but sometimes it’s spot on.

But the parents have opted for the senior position that keeps them away from home, that's the point.

There is no perfect childhood or perfect parenting, but some families get closer to the ideal than others.

A good start is being honest with yourself and others. Only seeing your children 2 hours a day and packing them off to activities during the weekend as well is not ideal.

If for some reason this is necessary, then read up on parenting methods, accept feedback from others such us your child's minder/teacher, accept that your child might act out to get your attention and have a plan to deal with it.

Nope. Sounds judgemental about being hot by multiple children who have no boundaries. How often are you hit in your job on a daily basis?

“It must be great money wise and fulfilling To them to be so far into their careers. But at what cost? Would cutting down hours and having one or two less holidays abroad a year not be worth spending more time with your child On a day to day basis so that they don’t have violent behavioural problems? No brainier to me but I don’t think that opinion would go down well on MN.”

judgemental.
my child spends long hours in childcare so that I can keep a roof over our heads and food on the table thanks to the cost of living. It’s not “great money wise”. We haven’t been on holiday abroad ever in his life.
horrible, horrible, horrible judgemental thing to say.

But these are the parents who are causing all the damage. Not listening to professionals because they think they know better and can diagnose Sen at the drop of a hat! Not being told no is the reason I’m hearing discussed time and time again in meetings. I had one child the other day who spoke to his mum like a piece of dirt. Didn’t even seem to register with her. As a Ta I can luckily walk out the room as I’m pretty much done with these parents.

Most places seem to have pick up time at 6pm. Are you working somewhere that attracts people on long hours? The only few parents I know with very big jobs have minders in their home so the kids are in their own environment. I think your senario is quite unusual.

I think very long hours in group care can be stressful on some kids. particularly after school- maybe they had a rough day. If they don’t get time to decompress at the weekend either, I could see how it would result in lashing out.

I've found Montessori and gentle parents FB group posts to be 4/5 about children kreen hitting inc. nannies

Most replies go along the lines of oh the poor thing, they can't help it, is the nanny doing something wrong, one said they'd leave it to the nanny as it was them being affected by the behaviour another even said it was good that the child felt comfortable being their true self.

No a single reply will suggest any form of punishment or making any physical attempt to intervention. Only one disagreed and said that it might be the parents responsibility but no suggestion on how to stop it.

So as doesn’t want to be the kids’ punching bag, she’s judgemental?

Zero tolerance is the only way forward, the parents must work with you to address this.

My relative parented like this and thought it was wrong to say no to her kids. They were banned from several different childcare settings!

They are much more socialised now that they are a few years older. They were a nightmare to be around though until they were about 7.

It's possible they cut loose with you because they are very comfortable with you. They may also feel conflicted because they have a lot of affection for you, but you're still not their parent.

@Vand
I think it is about the lack of consistent adult input into their behaviour.

You are the only person in these children's lives who sees them for any decent amount of time in a home setting where there are no constant organised activities. The people running the classes and clubs they are shunted off to are well aware they are running holding pens and probably deal with bad behaviour by keeping them fully occupied at all times.

Children like this have no idea how to occupy themselves during stretches of downtime.

@EachPeachPearNectarine
its the unacceptable behaviour and attitude of the parents who's children treat this childminder like a human punch bag,

Is the real issue,

@EachPeachPearNectarine

It sounds like you are exactly 💯 or similar like these type of parents who just handwring with what can i do kind of type of attitude 🤔

and expect the teacher probably to be like combo of support worker and psudeo social worker to their precious children too..

Op, I would get the parents in for meetings. State that you will give them one/two weeks and if the behaviour carries on you will hand them notice. Obviously, that’s if your open to this. I have a clause in my contracts that states if a child’s behaviour puts the other children or myself at risk then they will receive immediate notice. To be honest, it’s not something I’ve ever had to use. A couple of times I’ve had to have a chat with parents but both of those times the parents have been really on board and between us we have worked the issue out.

When you’re a loan working childminder you are extremely vulnerable. There’s only so much you can do before you say ‘no more’. Yes, some children may have SEN and even then, you have to consider the other children in your care. It’s not the same as a larger setting with more staff who can hopefully give a child more one to one care.

the safety of the children in my care is paramount as is their happiness. If I felt a child was causing upset and distress I would have to give notice (I wouldn’t do this on a whim though).

I have thinking time, sometimes I need to remove a child from a situation. They sit a little away from us (about 4/5 feet away) for a minute or so and then I go and have a chat with them. It’s all well and good saying no but if they carry on what they’re doing do you just leave them to carry on that action?

Hes never done that with anyone before...i just didnt like her so a clash of personalities i suppose..he was told it wasnt acceptable and he was punished for it...but nothing much improved especially with his attitude so she decided to move on

Do you not worry that he’s going to come into contact with people that he doesn’t like throughout his childhood and you haven’t been able to teach him that slapping them isn’t an acceptable response to that?

I think you are correct, their parents feel such guilt, that they don't want to upset their children, they don't set boundaries, they want to be friends not parents. They are doing a disservice to their children, who will come up against authority figures for the rest of their lives and won't be able to cope, as they never learned how as children.

I am genuinely shocked that there are people on this thread who think training children to behave without violence is a job for a childminder. What an amazingly anti social point of view.

There is attitude from them, they will smirk and laugh when they are told not to hit and do it again. If they are getting some cuddles and then have to share my attention they will lash out.

How is this so contrary to ASD please? You could have been describing my DS, he’s 5 now and though it has calmed down massively he’s expected to be diagnosed as having ASD - a lot of people are surprised when I say as he presents very NT… until he doesn’t.

A previous childminder i employed was good with all 3 of my kids but my 6 year old son didnt like her and had slapped her a couple times for no reason..she reported it to me and i spoke to him...Told him he must stop and any further attacks would be met with strong discipline...nothing really changed so after another month she moved on to another family and i replaced her with one they all liked

I think it's pretty selfish to have both parents work full time with primary aged children, unless both parents are in low paid jobs (but it's never low earners that do it, probably because min wage work is worse than spending time with your kids). It is prioritising the parents lifestyle over the welfare of the child.

I can’t believe you’ve been in childcare for 15 years and haven’t realised that the main reason low earners don’t do it when they have children is that childcare costs the same as or more than they earn.

Would you like kids that were hitting you and sneering at you? I certainly wouldn't.