To not join the PTA

He can join. And I just helped out with pta things
I would try and get a bit involved though as they could be your best friends later. And it will help with school politics. X

Oh this!

Ooo, I want to know what went down at that PTA meeting! We were always pretty frumpily dressed (sticky toddler handprints optional) and only functioning with the aid of coffee. There was nothing sexy about it. Did the HT shimmy up the wooden gym equipment part way through the meeting in a pair of fishnets?

I think he was just unlucky as most PTAs can't afford to be picky with their members. We were grateful for any and all help to lighten the load, whether that was male or female, a full commitment for the year, or just going onto the volunteer list and doing an hour on a stall at the summer fair.

Go back to him and tell him you’ve figured out what tasks he needs to pick up to allow you to attend the pta. Tell him you’re confident he’ll pick up (then read your long list) as it was so important to him you attended. Come pta meeting night take yourself out for dinner or wine

I'm not officially on the PTA. However, every so often, I'll offer to bake a cake or be on a stall at the fete. Your husband can offer his cake baking and tombola services if he wishes!

It can be bonding in
that it’s so awful
you are bonded in a blitz spirit sort of way

Begging emails don't work in most schools.

Events like a colour run, inflatable afternoon etc can be for the kids, and not really to raise funds as such.

The other events are still needed. As an example, if you need £50k in fundraising, at least matched with £50k grants. If you have a couple of parents sending £200, it's very generous of them, it's useful, but it has no impact on the fundraising needs.

Tell your dear husband you'll join the PTA when he becomes a governor. He's got a nerve. Oh, and as the meetings are usually after school, he can get tea on while you are otherwise occupied.

Tell him you’d love to but your already carrying the entire mental load of the family, if he’d like to step up your might have bit more room for PTA.

or better yet just drop the mental
load as it pertains to him and do PTA if you actually want to.

Our PTA do all their meetings at 3.30pm so clearly they only want SAHPs to be on it. You don't need a wide group of mum friends OP, though it is helpful to be on good terms with one or 2.

Over the years I've got the contact details of the other working mums and we help each other out with the 'disco tickets available to buy from PTA at 9am or 3.20pm in the hall, first come first served, no tickets can be saved' crap. We also will pick up each others kids in an emergency, or help out with dropping in an emergency lunch or spares if it's all gone a bit tits up on the way to school.

To be fair, I actually set up the PTA at my younger son's school, but that was very very different. It was a tiny SEN school and some of the kids desperately needed help if only money for occasional class trips and the laptops for lockdown.

I joined the PTA but didn't particularly make friends from it. If anything my reaction was that most of its (allafemale, at my son's school) members would have done better to quit the PTA and either go back to work or run the country (which would have benefited bith the country and the mums)

No, I don't recommend PTA as you have enough to be coping with.
He can introduce you to the new parents when he gets given a PTA role.

My DH went to the first PTA meeting because I couldn't go and he learnt that it is completely sexiest. We have both disengaged as a result.

Yeah, that’s a token Dad type. My DH’s PTA is 1/3rd dads. They have to draw lots to see who gets to be Santa and who gets to be his elves every Christmas.

Having been on PTA for several years, its a massive time commitment. A better option is to offer help ad hoc at xmas events etc. I didnt make any friends on it, made them at pick up/parties/playdates.

I am a life long volunteer who gets roped in to everything, but even I have managed to swerve the PTA so far! I do think it’s worth volunteering at events - I’ve done so and it helps me get to know the names of the kids, chat to the parents helping out, know some of the teachers a bit more. Generally that idea of being in a community, not just on the edge of it.

Actually getting further than “how is little Bobby” is really tough - I think you have to work your way through the parents until you happen across one who is also in the lookout for new friends!

Totally ridiculous of your DH though, I hope he’s realised now that assuming that you would do it and he wouldn’t was an extremely sexist assumption!

Of course they shouldn’t have to, for essentials. But if they do need to fundraise for essentials, or just want to raise extra money, they should just ask for donations. Summer fairs at one of my kid’s primaries used to raise very little. And after one disastrous fireworks night they stopped that event completely.

Begging emails were much simpler, cheaper, easier and more effective.

A group of parents, most working full time, giving up free time and energy to try to raise funds for their kids, and organise events to improve their kids school life, but heavily criticised by people who can't be arsed to lift a finger for their own children.

This is an excellent description. There's better ways to meet people.

I now rock up & help for a few hours solely because I want the kids to have a fun Halloween party/spring disco/summer fete but I invest the bulk of my volunteering time as a scout leader and its a million times better.

I'm in the PTA. It's work, like a pp said, often hours worth of banal prep at home on your own for events and when the disco and summer fair come around, a lot of work organising, chivvying people, shopping for 500 hot dog buns, etc etc. I really enjoy putting together events that I know the kids enjoy and that raise vital funds for the school. For some people they're not up for that, and that's fine.
We have some in our PTA group that dont want anything to do with the disco because it's full on, fair enough.
I will say though, there are about 5 of us that carry most of the load. We all work too and have really hectic lives. 2 have SEND children and a lot going on. We're really busy people. But again, we do it because we get something out of doing it. Don't force yourself to do it because you think you should or to make friends, (although I have made friends through it).
A parent who volunteers to do an hour once a year on the summer fair cake stall it massively appreciated at my PTA and if you think you can do that, great. That will be more than many others do, and you might even enjoy it, and meet some new friends.
Also, your kids are still young and those younger years are a lot with work too. I joined the PTA once my youngest was in year 2 and things are a bit calmer!

Why is it for you and not him?

However PTA volunteers should be commended.

I personally don't have as do time as do other voluntary work.

But am thankful to the parents who do.

This sums it up perfectly. You need firm boundaries on the amount of time you can give, and to feel no guilt when you've reached that limit.

I did 5 years on the committee. I really enjoyed it for the most part. The crap parts were mostly related to certain parents who loudly criticised everything whilst refusing to get involved in any which way, let alone take a moment to quietly ask/think why something may have to have been run a certain way. Through the meetings you get a much deeper feel for the school, understanding of how and why things are set up as they are, and a good working relationship with the staff (invaluable if it turns out your DC has any kind of AN). I made friends, and would like to think contributed to making all the DCs' school experience a more positive one - we put on discos and film nights, which were more about 'something nice for the kids' than raising funds (they earned very little for the effort), and bigger money spinners which bought enriching equipment the school budget would never be able to stretch to.

However! Your DH's sexism is showing... the PTA is for all parents, both male and female. As the parent with more time, he is the obvious choice to join particularly as he clearly feels it performs an important function. Unfortunately, as a PP said, men tend to look down on it and will often only consider roles in school such as governors.

The one I experienced he was almost given a standing ovation when he walked in. He was always asked to give his opinion first and if he started speaking everyone hushed and gave their full attention. Was really odd and I backed off from that one.

the one I was more involved in tended to have dad involvement more casually

It’s usually PTAs that only have a token Dad or few. I don’t mind a bit of extra nice treatment to encourage more Dads to join. They should be welcomed. The alternative is to be cold, unwelcoming and reinforce sex based stereotypes that end up leaving mums doing all the PTA heavy lifting.

On some PTAs any dads who joined are treated like heroes🙄