DLA Payments

You don't need to wait for a diagnosis - you can apply now and fill it in with all the examples you have of her needs. It can take ages to be awarded so sooner the better, if they want more evidence from professionals they will ask once they start looking at the application.

Edited for typo

No my kids don't get their DLA it's used so I can work pt to meet their needs household bills and OTlilr one to one swimming and tutors. We have pocket money and reward system to earn extra.

OP didn’t say it was only spent on toys.

But, again, it would be possible to spend that much on Lego alone.

True. But a 12 year old who has no social life or expensive tastes in designer goods would be hard pressed to spend over £8k a year on toys.

They literally tell you it is for the extra costs involved due to raising a disabled child. That is what it is awarded for.

OP didn’t say her DS spent the whole £700 on Lego every month.

However, it would be quite easy to spend that these days. Lego has become expensive. There are a couple of sets more than £700 each and a couple of dozen sets £3/4/500 each.

I still don't see how you can spend £700 on Lego a month. Surely he's got every Lego set he's ever wanted by now?

My DD has been referred for ASD and ADHD assessments. We don't currently claim DLA, but plan to once we have some evidence. She has huge sensory issues (movement, clothing, temperature, currently goes to sleep on floor as she can't stand all the sensory elements of sleeping in a bed).

I am paying £500 for a private occupational therapy assessment; actual therapy sessions are then £90 an hour. It seems like I am constantly buying different clothes, socks, etc due to her not being able to bear many types and then them feeling different once they have been washed a few times! She often seems generally pretty dysregulated so looking into various sensory bits of equipment like indoor swings and gym balls, etc.

Those are the sort of things I imagine I would use DLA for (if we were ever awarded anything).

*I give him the money to spend of whatever he likes, just for a quieter life, I hope some people here understand?

He went to school today, but also had a bad day. I also find it extremely difficult to punish him.*

You’ll find it even more difficult when he reaches the point of being beyond discipline and he’s used to having it all his own way. I understand the desire for a quieter life but you’re struggling to make ends meet when there’s a significant amount of money coming into the house specifically to ease things in your situation.

You really need to find your authority as a parent, set some boundaries.

Yes I am very confused too.
I thought it was blooming obvious that DLA was used to bear the extra costs of disability.
Not to buy your son whatever he wants!
Fair enough if the Lego was something that helped his issues, but you said it's just stuff he wants.
If he cannot get his basic needs like food and clothes met how is Lego going to be of any use. Am I getting something wrong here?

Your short term 'quieter life' is going to bite both of you on the arse long term. Your son needs to understand that this is not pocket money, this is money to cover the extra costs associated with his extra needs.

He also needs to understand that you are in charge, and you will decide what is best to do. That's not punishing him, it's parenting him. He's not going to like what he will see as you taking his money, but you need to fix this before he gets any older, bigger or stronger. My DC don't even know they get DLA, it's meant to cover the extra expenses from having extra needs, and it's me who has to cover them, not the DC, so it's me who spends the money. Parent your child.

I certainly don’t understand.

Not giving him access to the full DLA amount is not punishing him at all. All of our kiddies who receive DLA face difficulties whether this be at nursery, school, college or health wise. The list goes on for many children but I don’t see how giving him the full amount is benefiting him?

You’re better off giving him £100 a month (IF THAT!) as play money and you handle the rest responsibly. If he’s upset then he’s upset. He’s 12. What happens at renewal if the award changes to HRC LRM or MRC HRM (if under VUW). Will he be kicking up a fuss because there’s less money?

Good luck but going by the comments I don’t think anything’s going to change!

Give him a breakdown of the electricity, gas, food, clothing, fuel for vehicle, vehicle costs, plus the time you spend cooking, cleaning, doing things for him.

Ask him where he thinks the money for all these things comes from - find the PIP/DLA stuff online and show him that, that it is to pay for his extra needs that are above and beyond what most people have to pay for.

If he wants to call the police, hand him the phone and point out its 101, not 999, and let him crack on.

He's 12 🙄. I'm sure the police will tell him that mum is looking after his best interests. Stick with it. You can't go on like this, it's madness and he will grow into a really entitled person. It needs to stop for both your sakes.

*I tried to speak to him this evening, he said that he wants to whole of his money and if I don’t give it, he is going to call the police because it doesn’t belong to me.

As you can imagine, I am very taken back by this. He has no idea, how much out of my own money I spend on him on a monthly basis, it is at least £120 per week.

What do I do now?*

You explain it isn’t his money, it’s money to help you care for him, you explain you’ll give him some for him to choose what he spends it on and you parent your child. If he’s old enough to understand money and claim it as his own he’s old enough to understand that housing him, clothing him and feeding him also costs money.

What do you think the police would do?*

He is 12. The police won't take any notice. The government give you the money for him but you are in control of it - it goes directly into your bank account.
He probably is genuine in not understanding but the police will not do anything.

Your son gets HRC and HRM. Why does he even know what DLA is, why he gets it and how much he gets? He’s 12. I have no clue why he even needed to know all of this information when he’s literally a kid.

There’s absolutely no reason to not spoil him each month and buy him treats out of the money but why does he need to be given the whole value each month? Or have I read it wrong because I’m truly confused.

My son’s DLA goes into the house to cover travel too and from his appointments

What does he think the police will do? Arrest you?

What would you do with any other child who is throwing a tantrum? He doesn't understand. That's ok. If he calls the police, they'll respond accordingly.

Ah, ok, that makes sense! Sorry.

I think you misunderstood mee. I might not have been clear. I suggested she give her son £25 a month to spend, not £250. I mentioned £250 as that is roughly what middle rate DLA pays.

£250 is a lot of money for anyone any age to spend any way they like every month! It's certainly not going teach him how to manage his money as an adult.

@YellowRosesWithRedTips I sometimes filled in the supporting statements but I didn't fill in any the rest of the form and wasn't part of the whole process.