This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

Soft play is not a structured environment like school or a club is.

I told my kids the common sense thing. I taught them our home address and phone number from an early age. If they ever got lost, they would find a trusted adult (eg shopkeeper, policeman) and tell them they're lost.

So how do they make friends then, both at school or in clubs? How old are your children now?
What have you taught them about what to do if they get lost or otherwise separated from you or the adult looking after them?

Even at soft play my DC knew not to talk to the other children they didn't know.

I just find this situation really sad. I do think UK culture views children as a nuisance. I live as an expat in Budapest and so many people make a fuss of young children here. I have a baby and I can't go anywhere without someone stopping to coo at him. Honestly, he gets so much attention! My 3yo still gets a lot of fuss too. If there are two kids in a shop here it's quite usual that the parents will encourage them to wave to each other or stop to say hello.

I was standing about 2 metres behind trying to catch up with the pram when he was walking alongside the other child.

If you are 7ft away from your child in a crowded place with lots of clothes rails that block your eyeline, and struggling with a pram and your child is walking with another child and adult, (who is random stranger) then they will naturally end up following expecially if the random stranger quickens her pace to "guide" her child away. OP was very silly to let her young child get so far in front of her, especially one who doesn't always respond to her calls.

"3 yr old is on pathway for Autism diagnoses , is non verbal and not much 'recall' when I call his name.
I was standing about 2 metres behind trying to catch up with the pram when he was walking alongside the other child."

Ah this makes so much more sense now. You were too far away, and your child has zero recall. Your child was following the lady and the child. Of course she stopped to allow you time to catch up with your child. What if she did nothing, but kept walking. Eventually she'd go into another shop, or cross a road. You should have your child either holding your hand/holding the pushchair or on reins. 2 metres away in a busy place with no recall, isn't great.

Erm Autumnfroglet. Where did it say he was following?? She blocked him immediately... no chance for following. I literally had the same thing happen the other day, a 3 year old approached my 5 month old baby. I didn't want her to touch her as I could see her hands weren't clean. I smiled at her and said hello and then redirected myself (holding baby) away from her. No need to be rude or make the child feel bad for being friendly.

Where did it say he was following?? She blocked him immediately... no chance for following. I literally had the same thing happen the other day, a 3 year old approached my 5 month old baby. I didn't want her to touch her as I could see her hands weren't clean. I smiled at her and said hello and then redirected myself (holding baby) away from her. No need to be rude or make the child feel bad for being friendly.

Could have been she didn't want hers to snatch a toy, and have a melt down. Or she thought your child was following them, and wanted to return her back to your care. I wouldn't read anything bad into it. I'm sure she did it with the best of intentions.

All she had to do was smile, and then gently guide her own son away of she didn't want them close together
You do realise that is impossible to do if OPs child is following? No amount of guiding her own child would make OPs son go back to OP who is struggling with a pram nearly 7ft away. What's she supposed to do, take OPs child home with her if he doesn't voluntarily go back?

OP needs to put her child in reins or teach him to hold her hand/pram if she gets this upset. Like most other parents do.

She has issues clearly.... it's not you. All she had to do was smile, and then gently guide her own son away of she didn't want them close together (maybe worrying about catching a cold or whatever). Your child will grow up a better person than her poor kid.

Illuminating thread.

This was a fleeting encounter that was here one moment, and (in sensible people's worlds) forgotten the next. It should take up exactly that degree of headspace.

Time, place and circumstance are enough to determine what's polite behaviour and what isn't - or, more importantly, whether it actually matters in the first place.

IME there's a certain type of parent who often bleats: 'but s/he's only little/6/a child/a toddler!' As if the person they are interacting with can't already see that, or that the protestation doesn't invariably happen when their child is making a nuisance of themselves to somebody else. In those circumstances, the right thing to do is apologise and put a stop to that behaviour.

If people attach this degree of significance to a fly-past interaction then there's no wonder there are so many complaints that life is exhausting and wearing people down.

You can't choose how other people behave. You can choose how you react. Don't sweat the small stuff.

My children are teens now. But when they were toddlers, especially my eldest, who is autistic, she hated other little children, and it would cause a massive meltdown when kids tried to interact with her. I’d do anything to avoid that , especially in a shop.
Also, mums mental health might be bad, mine has been for years and I’ll be quite honest, the last thing I would have wanted to or needed to, was interact with another small child and their mum.

Well, exactly. It was just a few seconds and we are all just guessing why the other mum did what she did, none of us actually have any idea.

Maybe she was just rude, who knows but maybe it was also what I said above or even the fact that her child is going through a hitting or a biting stage so she didn't want OP's kid getting too close. OP was a few feet away which is probably why she did the arm thing.

It just isn't something I would've thought about much. Not everyone wants or has time to interact with my kid, fair enough. It's not something I'd take personally.

"Because kids having to learn they can't have (or do) everything they want also applies to OP's kid, does it not?

If I thought my kid would kick off in M&S and there was an easy way to prevent it, especially if I was in a rush or was already having a bad day, I would absolutely do it."
*
*
What? Of course it applies but her child was literally being friendly. And as OP is was all in a matter of seconds. So what's the issue?

Yes you can prevent things as I would in certain situations, say avoiding a sweet or toy aisle best I could. Bit that doesn't mean you need to potentially upset someone else or be rude in the OP situation.

Because kids having to learn they can't have (or do) everything they want also applies to OP's kid, does it not?

If I thought my kid would kick off in M&S and there was an easy way to prevent it, especially if I was in a rush or was already having a bad day, I would absolutely do it.

I understand this and it’s happened to us on both ends before but it could be that her own child would start pestering her for new toys or wouldn’t want to give them back to your child ‘nicely’ don’t take it to heart

🙄🙄

Some of the replies here. I think she was rude. What’s wrong with happily saying hello to a small child who’s clearly excited and just continuing on, kids have to learn they can’t have everything they want so if her child was going to kick off what’s it matter? You’d never leave the house if that was the case!

Don’t worry about it. People are just weird. I’ve been going through the worst times of my life and still manage to smile and be polite to people. YANBU blocking your child was well over the top and quite stupid.

I think I would be miffed too. It's perfectly OK for her to go on with her day and not want another child interacting with hers but it is not OK to conduct oneself in this manner towards the child. The other day a two year old was following my dog. I could see the dog was becoming distressed but I am also an adult who understands the little boy just wanted a cuddle with her and has no concept of dogs having feelings and preferences. All it took was a smile and a gentle "that's enough now, darling" and redirecting him to his grandparents.

Perhaps this is the other perspective. Busy supermarket, your very small child is wandering away from you, 2 meters so far. Kindly stranger aware of how quickly a child can get lost in a shop, blocks his path to give you time to notice how far he has wandered and give you time to catch up with him and take his hand. In return you're miffed that she didn't stop and let her child play!

Totally agree. I don't owe an explanation of what might be personal information to anyone.

I once walked past someone in the street. They passed me and called out my name behind me. I realised they knew me, I had no recollection of who they were. It was a week later it dawned on me and I looked them up. Yes, they were living in that area. Maybe I should have turned around to see who they were and say hi but it was the day before the second anniversary of my husband's death. I couldn't cope with being asked how the family was or how he was, so just kept walking. Maybe it seemed rude but it was just something I had to do in the moment to keep myself together.

My take would be that a child can be friendly and try to approach another but they have to learn that not everyone is wanting to be approached or engage with them. In that case they need to accept it, not take it personally, turn around and get on with their day.

Too much for a toddler to comprehend but something they need to learn over the years.

And People Pleaser of the Year award goes to…..

RUDE?? Rude is interrupting a complete stranger for no good reason and then expecting them to apologise unreservedly when they don’t want to join in with your nonsense.

I don’t think you did anything wrong or she did anything wrong. She was likely busy - her child also could have an infectious disease that she was trying to avoid passing onto your child. She might be going on holiday anc worried your child had an infectious disease - it really doesn’t matter why she was ok doing what she did.