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AIBU?

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Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:40

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/10/2023 16:39

Completely agree, I do see how another child showing off their new toys would set another child off into a tantrum, but she could have asked nicely. There will have been a reason for doing so, but she didn't need to be rude.

Show quote history

Saying "Excuse me" and moving your child away isn't being rude.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:39

She could have smiled briefly, said they were in a hurry, then OP probably wouldn’t end up feeling awkward.

She could have, but she didn't have to.

OP wouldn't have felt awkward if she hadn't allowed her toddler to randomly approach another in the first place.

Mulhollandmagoo · 04/10/2023 16:39

jays · 04/10/2023 16:27

It was rude. Don’t listen to all the bollocks on here saying it wasn’t. It was. She could have had a million reasons but all it would have taken was a little eye contact with you and a ‘sorry he’s tantrum prone/not well/about to have a melt down, whatever. I was rude and honestly, don’t let folk on here gaslight you into thinking it wasn’t. So many folk all against gaslighting yet they do it on here to OP’s on a daily basis. It was rude.

Completely agree, I do see how another child showing off their new toys would set another child off into a tantrum, but she could have asked nicely. There will have been a reason for doing so, but she didn't need to be rude.

Boomboom22 · 04/10/2023 16:39

Surely you see that showing off your new toys will be a bit of an issue for other kids? Do you approach people to show them the lovely dress you just bought? Unlikely. Different in a playground but then you wouldn't take your own toys there.

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:38

It’s interesting that the only commends OP has responded to is about the logistics of where everyone was and where the arm was.

Considering OP’s DS was behind them in curious at to how long she would have let her child trail after the mother and son if the mother hasn’t stopped him?

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:38

Morechocmorechoc · 04/10/2023 16:28

I would have stopped the interaction too. Mine has health issues and I don't want random kids near or touching. You don't know their situation. Keep your kid to yourself and not going up to strangers. It's a very important lesson to learn for safety if nothing else.

Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:37

jays · 04/10/2023 16:27

It was rude. Don’t listen to all the bollocks on here saying it wasn’t. It was. She could have had a million reasons but all it would have taken was a little eye contact with you and a ‘sorry he’s tantrum prone/not well/about to have a melt down, whatever. I was rude and honestly, don’t let folk on here gaslight you into thinking it wasn’t. So many folk all against gaslighting yet they do it on here to OP’s on a daily basis. It was rude.

Agree.

Tangofantastic · 04/10/2023 16:37

All this. I went through a period of having to keep my child isolated for health reasons and having another toddler come up close to him was a huge no for me, I got fed up endlessly having to explain this to strangers so I just would avoid them, by avoiding child focused places like a softplay etc. as a single mum I had to sometimes take him shopping and generally in M&S or tesco, there was a much smaller chance of a kid coming over right beside him to play / touch/ show off a toy than a softplay so I’d take him there and hope to get shopping done and hole
asap. Please don’t take it personally, she obviously had a good reason to not want your toddler next to her one and maybe was all out of emotional energy explaining why. 💞

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:35

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 16:24

Odd, in RL I tend to go to the shops to buy food. Not to set up playdates, get into conversation with strangers or be told I'm Scrooge because I don't think everyone's snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no' is so adorable my child has an obligation to interact with him or her. I never knew the shops were filled with attention starved, bored women hunting for toddlers and their parents to guilt-trip into becoming friends with their overstimulated children. Are you sure you're not confusing 'shop' with 'playground'?

Show quote history

It's a while since I had a toddler.
I'm not saying I went to shops in order to arrange playdates or meet other toddlers, or that if my toddler deigned to smile at another child that I felt the parent of that child had an obligation to interact with mine.

I'm saying that if I was out with my child and they interacted with another one then that would not be an unexpected situation. If that makes me an attention-starved, bored women then I'll take it.

Your statement doesn't really relate to what the OP says in her first post.

Lorieandrews · 04/10/2023 16:33

Wait. What? I would just imagine he might have a strip because he’d want the toys.

I don’t think this is about you or your toddler at all?!? Shrug

Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:33

@MoreThanEnoughSoFar You ok? Rough day?

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:31

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 16:24

Odd, in RL I tend to go to the shops to buy food. Not to set up playdates, get into conversation with strangers or be told I'm Scrooge because I don't think everyone's snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no' is so adorable my child has an obligation to interact with him or her. I never knew the shops were filled with attention starved, bored women hunting for toddlers and their parents to guilt-trip into becoming friends with their overstimulated children. Are you sure you're not confusing 'shop' with 'playground'?

Show quote history

Nobody’s suggesting setting up playdates in shops.

snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no'

Wow, you get all that from the OP? Or do you see all children this way?

Morechocmorechoc · 04/10/2023 16:28

I would have stopped the interaction too. Mine has health issues and I don't want random kids near or touching. You don't know their situation. Keep your kid to yourself and not going up to strangers. It's a very important lesson to learn for safety if nothing else.

jays · 04/10/2023 16:27

It was rude. Don’t listen to all the bollocks on here saying it wasn’t. It was. She could have had a million reasons but all it would have taken was a little eye contact with you and a ‘sorry he’s tantrum prone/not well/about to have a melt down, whatever. I was rude and honestly, don’t let folk on here gaslight you into thinking it wasn’t. So many folk all against gaslighting yet they do it on here to OP’s on a daily basis. It was rude.

ManateeFair · 04/10/2023 16:25

I think it was more so her removing my child from her environment

Why should she have to accept other people's children in her personal space, though? She was in a hurry, your kid was trailing after hers and probably she just didn't want him distracted or didn't want him to start screaming for toys because he saw your son had something.

Of course your little boy is the centre of your universe and you cannot imagine why anyone wouldn't want him around - you're his mum and you know he's the loveliest lad in the world, and that's as it should be! But to everyone else, he is just a random kid. I honestly don't think you need to take this personally or worry about your son's feelings being hurt.

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:25

Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:01

YANBU OP, she was rude. Whatever her (supposed excuses reasons people want to make up for her here.) His a 3 year old little boy being friendly and sociable, it’s very sweet. If people are too grumpy to realise that then I’d judge them hard too. Bunch of miserable gits on this thread!

I agree. People saying we don’t know what might be going on in that woman’s life - she also didn’t know what might have been going on in OP‘s life. It’s not a one way street.
She could have smiled briefly, said they were in a hurry, then OP probably wouldn’t end up feeling awkward.
To the PP saying supermarkets are not for making friends - jeez, we’re talking about a three year old here.

MoreThanEnoughSoFar · 04/10/2023 16:24

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 15:32

This is one of those threads where MN is entirely different to RL.

In RL when you go to public places you can expect some interaction with other people.
In RL when toddlers meet each other, their carers don't put a physical bar between them, nor whip them away with no explanation ("bless them, but we've got to be at the dentist in 5 mins...must dash").

I think if I was out walking with my toddler and really didn't want them to interact with anyone I would put them in a pushchair or carry them.

Of course there could be a very valid reason this person put her arm between your son and her child, but I would think it a bit odd.

Odd, in RL I tend to go to the shops to buy food. Not to set up playdates, get into conversation with strangers or be told I'm Scrooge because I don't think everyone's snotty nosed, bacteria filled child who never heard the word 'no' is so adorable my child has an obligation to interact with him or her. I never knew the shops were filled with attention starved, bored women hunting for toddlers and their parents to guilt-trip into becoming friends with their overstimulated children. Are you sure you're not confusing 'shop' with 'playground'?

SerafinasGoose · 04/10/2023 16:23

Small stuff.

But it's an endless well of surprises, the sort of insignificant encounter that takes up so much of some people's headspace. I've lost count of the number of 'who was rude' threads on here.

Frabbits · 04/10/2023 16:22

Catastrophejane · 04/10/2023 16:13

I have to say these responses are a bit surprising…

yes, there are a whole host of reasons why the other mum might have acted in this way; anxiety, mental health, worried about her child’s behaviour.

however the most obvious doesn’t seem to here…

maybe she’s just rude? Nowt as queer as folk.

I’m a bit jaded by the attitude that we must all assume that everyone has a terrible back story/ND/introvert etc and that any rudeness is therefore excusable because we haven’t walked a mile in their shoes.

OP- you did nothing wrong. Neither did your child who behaved like a normal, happy toddler. The other woman’s behaviour says more about her than you. There are 101 ways you can politely avoid approaches from a toddler- this woman chose to be rude.

if your child continues with this sociable, open and friendly attitude, he’ll grow up to be a contented, sociable person who derives great pleasure from social interaction. He may even answer the door to unexpected callers!

But Pps are right when they say don’t give this headspace.

The woman said excuse me, stopped OP's kid from interacting with hers and moved on.

That's not really all that rude.

She doesn't owe the OP an explanation at all.

ManateeFair · 04/10/2023 16:20

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 15:22

Only a classless person is mean and aggressively hostile to a little child. Aggressively and immediately blocking a toddler with her arm so that he doesn’t get close to her child, sounds like a racist behavior. If she touched him while blocking him and pinning him between her arm and the column that could be considered assault. How a person reacts in the spur of the moment shows the character, or lack of one.

Oh, were you there to witness the incident?

Thought not. Your interpretation is absolutely bonkers. It's not 'mean and aggressive' to separate your kid from another toddler and say 'Excuse me' and it's not even close to assault. What the fuck's wrong with you?

There could be a million reasons why this parent didn't want another child walking along with hers showing him toys. I don't even have kids and I can think of loads of reasons why in this scenario she might have wanted deter the OP's son. It's really not a big deal.

ChristmasCrumpet · 04/10/2023 16:19

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:58

"t's still really unclear how she did this from your description.

Your child was walking next to her child. She then somehow went in front of both, in order to block your child only, between her arm and a column?

What?"

In response to this - she stepped out behind her child, to be next to mine and then stretch her arm across him and touch the column opposite

Ok, so your child was not next to her child.

Your child was behind. Following her child. That's different, if she's trying to move away, and your child is behind actively following them with toys. I presume her child was getting distracted. Mine would be, I don't expect a child with multiple toys wandering around the supermarket waving them under the noses of my toddlers and I wouldn't appreciate it either. I have toddler twins, and one of them would think they were being offered the toy. Then I'd be dealing with the meltdown you had allowed your child to cause, while you and your child happily toddled off with their multiple toys.

She felt the need to block the way of your child to prevent him following hers further. Saying "excuse me".

It sounds like your child was making a nuisance of themselves and you are genuinely not seeing it/minimising it/didn't do anything yourself and so she stepped in quickly to nip the situation in the bud.

Obviously this ignores all the other possibilities such as her child was sick, maybe has additional needs etc. Even taking this into account, a supermarket, is not the place for your child to be playing. If mine wandered up to someone, and was hovering or following, I'd guide them away.

fedupandstuck · 04/10/2023 16:18

There's way too much introspection and judgement about this tiny incident. The other woman might have just been rude, or stressed or any of the other things that people have mentioned on this thread.

There is no need for you to feel sad for your child, no need for you to think anything at all about the other woman, no need to dwell on it, or seek any kind of explanation. She didn't want your child near hers, for reasons unknown, that's all it was. You weren't wrong for not redirecting your child away beforehand.

Soontobe60 · 04/10/2023 16:18

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:54

I think it was more so her removing my child from her environment rather than continuing on with her child.

Show quote history

How tall is your 3 yr old? If I put my arm out, my 3 year old grandchild would just run under it!!!
YABVVVU

LuckySantangelo35 · 04/10/2023 16:18

@MysteryBelle

you ok Hun?

Psychonabike · 04/10/2023 16:17

@Catastrophejane maybe she's just rude

That's the thing though, people are rarely just rude to be rude. They have their reasons. it's helpful to be mindful of that as it makes it easier to let stuff go.

Just being rude in order to cause distress to someone else -well that's sociopathy which is much rarer than all the other reasons you think are less obvious like ND, Anxiety etc.

Either way rude for no reason, or with good reason. OP doesn't have to make it her business.