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AIBU?

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Original poster

This mum just blocked my toddler from approaching hers

413 replies

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 14:17

was in town today walking through M&S , with my 3 yr old.
We had just bought toys in the previous shop so he was out of pram and walking with his new toys in his hands and was excited about them.
Walking parallel to us was also a mum with toddler (around two)
My son approached him from the side and started walking directly next to him showing him his toys whilst they were both walking , the child smiled in response and didn't appear to seem at unease, however the mum swiftly stopped and put her arm out in front of my son blocked him between her arm and a Column so that he couldn't go any further and then she said ' excuse me ' as if for him to back away.
He turned to face me and I swooped him up and said ' he's only a toddler'
To which she didn't respond, she carried on walking and I changed direction.
I was left feeling quite sad for my son
I just wanted other mum's opinions on this . Was I in the wrong for letting my child approach hers , I guess everyone is entitled to their personal space. However I never anticipated that reaction it just seemed like a mean thing to do , and I'm always very welcoming to other kids that approach us

OP posts:
Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:53

The other woman didn’t have to smile, of course not, nobody ever has to be friendly or polite to others, but it’s nicer when we are.

🙏

Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:53

How in earth does it make you a dick for not wanting to engage with a total stranger when you have given no signals that you would like to stop and talk to them or engage further?

Wondering if you feel the same when it’s a random man in a shop following after you??

^^

Happy Big Brother GIF by MOODMAN
vapesareforsnakes · 04/10/2023 16:50

The absolute and utter unnecessary drama over nothing. This didn't need a thread. This didn't even need a second thought.

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:50

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:47

Sorry, but I just don’t see the issue with a three year old briefly approaching a two year old and showing them their toy. Nothing that I have to ‚allow‘.
How do children learn to interact with others (other children), if they’re always micromanaged?
The other woman didn’t have to smile, of course not, nobody ever has to be friendly or polite to others, but it’s nicer when we are.

Show quote history

Children can learn to interact with others without approaching them in shops uninvited.

In fact, maybe this particular interaction could go some way to teaching the 3yo that we don't approach other children in the street and show them our toys without asking first.

PuddlesPityParty · 04/10/2023 16:49

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 16:47

Perfectly said.

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Why is the OP owed that though?

She isn’t owed an explanation? The poor woman could’ve just been having a bad day and couldn’t face a meltdown etc etc, sometimes you just want to get home and have quiet and that’s okay!

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 16:49

How do children learn to interact with others (other children), if they’re always micromanaged?

by teaching them to respect people's personal space and not invade stranger's peace and quiet? Just like that I would say...

Tryingmybestadhd · 04/10/2023 16:48

Not something I would do , if I was in a hurry I would say to my toddler , say bye bye to your friend and would probably just say “ sorry hun we can’t stop to long today “ just so the other parent wouldn’t feel as you and the child didn’t think it was them .

EaudeJavel · 04/10/2023 16:47

Mistressanne · 04/10/2023 15:38

It's like Little Britain with Catherine Tate on MN today.
Oh Annabel don't let that feral toddler touch you, run while Mummy blocks him.

😂😂

I so wish I still had a toddler at home to use that line 😂

CatamaranViper · 04/10/2023 16:47

OP the lady doesn't know you or your kid. You don't know her or hers.
He kid could be a biter, a hitter, immunocompromised etc
She could have just had bad news, been in a rush (might be a surprise to some people on this thread that parents do still have things to do other than float around admiring other children) etc.

Maybe she felt like she was being used as temporary childcare while you just did whatever you wanted (since you didn't seem to get involved), did you even speak to the mother?

Whenever DS approached other kids I always looked for their parents first to see if it was okay and always at least made the effort to say hi to them.

inamarina · 04/10/2023 16:47

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:39

She could have smiled briefly, said they were in a hurry, then OP probably wouldn’t end up feeling awkward.

She could have, but she didn't have to.

OP wouldn't have felt awkward if she hadn't allowed her toddler to randomly approach another in the first place.

Sorry, but I just don’t see the issue with a three year old briefly approaching a two year old and showing them their toy. Nothing that I have to ‚allow‘.
How do children learn to interact with others (other children), if they’re always micromanaged?
The other woman didn’t have to smile, of course not, nobody ever has to be friendly or polite to others, but it’s nicer when we are.

MysteryBelle · 04/10/2023 16:47

jays · 04/10/2023 16:27

It was rude. Don’t listen to all the bollocks on here saying it wasn’t. It was. She could have had a million reasons but all it would have taken was a little eye contact with you and a ‘sorry he’s tantrum prone/not well/about to have a melt down, whatever. I was rude and honestly, don’t let folk on here gaslight you into thinking it wasn’t. So many folk all against gaslighting yet they do it on here to OP’s on a daily basis. It was rude.

Perfectly said.

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:46

@Illbebythesea it’s not a lesser reason, just makes you a bit of a dick that’s all! 😄

How in earth does it make you a dick for not wanting to engage with a total stranger when you have given no signals that you would like to stop and talk to them or engage further?

Wondering if you feel the same when it’s a random man in a shop following after you??

Ineedasitdown · 04/10/2023 16:45

those saying other mother was rude- is it not fairly entitled to think a random stranger owes you an explanation as to why they aren’t indulging playtime on a supermarket trip?

I also have little time these days for having to referee the fall out from the interactions of children with over indulgent mothers who seem to think the world revolves around them and their child. It’s tiring. And not my problem. (I’m not the other mum- dc are older )

margotrose · 04/10/2023 16:45

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:43

Because shops are FULL of random people. We generally talk to them if we wish to communicate something

I'm not saying she should lie about being in a hurry, but that it's easy to say "I'm in a hurry" rather than explain about your child's health conditions.

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It's even easier to just say "excuse me" and get on with your day.

Why do so many people think random strangers owe them any kind of conversation or explanation for their behaviour?

If OP's 3yo hadn't wandered over to them uninvited in the first place, none of this would have happened anyway.

melj1213 · 04/10/2023 16:45

Skysky1 · 04/10/2023 15:58

"t's still really unclear how she did this from your description.

Your child was walking next to her child. She then somehow went in front of both, in order to block your child only, between her arm and a column?

What?"

In response to this - she stepped out behind her child, to be next to mine and then stretch her arm across him and touch the column opposite

And where were you OP?

You let your child follow another random child and their parent - they were trying to walk away because they didn't want to engage for whatever reason (sick/tired/busy/heading off a tantrum/any number of reasons that are none of your business) and your child was following them so the parent had no choice but to actively stop your child from following by physically creating a barrier and was close enough to them that he nearly made contact with the woman when she stopped.

You should have stepped in much earlier, why weren't you there? If you were close enough to grab your child then you were also uncomfortably close behind the woman and she may have felt intimidated by you being so close and not speaking to her; if you weren't close enough to grab your child then you weren't close enough to keep them under control, what if they had darted off out of a door or in front of a trolley?

Either way the parent at fault is not the one who just wanted to get on with her shopping without someone annoying them.

CornishClott · 04/10/2023 16:45

Maybe there were reasons but there are ways of going about things without being rude

Furryrug · 04/10/2023 16:44

There will probably be many occasions in life where a stranger does something that we perceive ,rightly or wrongly, to be weird/rude/ odd/ funny/offensive etc . This is one of them.

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:44

Meh....this is getting ridiculous.
I'm not even the OP.
Apparently I am bored and lonely with all my talking to random people in public.

PuddlesPityParty · 04/10/2023 16:44

OP you’re responses are really quite dramatic. It likely wasn’t anything to do with you or your child and it’s really not worth thinking anything more of it - sorry but all I can think is get over yourself!!!

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:43

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:40

@CharlotteBog Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Why is just not wanting to engage with a random child following you as lesser reason? Why should someone have to lie about being in a hurry?

Because shops are FULL of random people. We generally talk to them if we wish to communicate something

I'm not saying she should lie about being in a hurry, but that it's easy to say "I'm in a hurry" rather than explain about your child's health conditions.

Illbebythesea · 04/10/2023 16:43

@Hufflepods it’s not a lesser reason, just makes you a bit of a dick that’s all! 😄

jays · 04/10/2023 16:43

Exactly, takes 2 seconds for a conspiratorial ‘he’s needing a poop’ or whatever head nod! We’ve all done it!!

CatamaranViper · 04/10/2023 16:41

CharlotteBog · 04/10/2023 16:38

Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Show quote history

Oh yes because other random people are always happy to just accept what you say and move on with their day.

If the lady had gone into an explanation, OP may well have been the sort of person who holds you up longer asking questions or explaining how they know all about being in rush cos this one time dadadadadada.

DaughterNo2 · 04/10/2023 16:41

AutumnFroglets · 04/10/2023 14:20

Perhaps she is aware that her toddler would make a toy grab and when prised out of his chubby little toddler hands he would go into full blown meltdown?

In other words life isn't always about you.

This! Completely agree

Hufflepods · 04/10/2023 16:40

@CharlotteBog Do you just bar the way and walk off, or do you mention that your child can't be near other children as you walk away, or just lie and say "sorry, I'm in a hurry" (I can see that you probably don't want to be talking about your child's health all the time to strangers).

Why is just not wanting to engage with a random child following you as lesser reason? Why should someone have to lie about being in a hurry?

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