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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Age gap argument

158 replies

Queseraseraa · 01/10/2023 18:03

We are a big group of friends ages 22- 27. We are all childless so socialise almost every weekend. We went for drinks last night and I ended up in a disagreement that got a bit heated.

One of the guys (22) said he would like to go to a certain bar as someone he’s been chatting with let him know she was there last night. He then divulged she was 18 and turned 18 just 2 months ago.
I said I thought that was a bit grim if I’m honest and he could not see the issue. I pointed out that it was in my opinion a bit strange to be a 22 year old that has been an adult for 4 years to find someone attractive that only a few months ago was legally a child.

He then got in a bit of a mood and said I made him feel weird about it now and was in a mood with me all night.

WABU? Yes, I know this girl is now legally an adult but she has only a few months ago left sixth form?! We are all working adults with careers and I definitely would have viewed an 18yo as still almost a child in regards to dating when I was 22!

OP posts:

pantypant · 01/10/2023 18:58

@Queseraseraa Regardless of if they’ve continued to have a lovely life, your dad was an adult and your mum was a child. He successfully groomed your mother.

Grooming is when an adult manipulates and abuses a child. There is nothing to suggest this happened. The age gap does not mean there is always abuse. There was no illegal behaviour

LifeIsHardAlways · 01/10/2023 18:57

Yabu

fettuccini · 01/10/2023 18:57

You sound a bit silly and immature OP. Maybe when you grow up your realise how silly you sound.

Anewest · 01/10/2023 18:57

YABU and if your reply to the poster whose parents met at 16 and 22 us indicative of how you speak to people, I can see why he ignored you and probably wanted you to leave him alone. A judgey person wittering on at you about a non-issue does not make a good night out.

AllyCart · 01/10/2023 18:56

Thebigblueballoon · 01/10/2023 18:44

Wow. That is a horrible and unreasonable thing to say.

Show quote history

Agree. That's a disgusting accusation from the OP. She sounds vile.

LakeTiticaca · 01/10/2023 18:56

The only issue with this is why the hell you think you have the right to interfere o someone's perfectly legal private life.
Stop acting like the morality police before you lose all your friends

marshmallowfinder · 01/10/2023 18:55

Bex5490 · 01/10/2023 18:54

With this ratio, I at 33 could date a 23 year old…this would feel a bit weird to me!

Although I do remember the stamina of men when I was 23 😂😂😂! Something to consider I guess if ever DH decides to give me the boot 🤷🏽‍♀️

Show quote history

"The Ratio" is a load of made up bollocks.

LimeCheesecake · 01/10/2023 18:55

Has your 22 year old friend been living fully as an adult for 4 years, or has he been in full time education until last year? Because when I was doing my A levels I dated a boy at uni, and when I was in first year at uni I dated a boy a year younger who was doing an apprenticeship but age wise was year 13 even though he wasn’t in education.

if he’s not long left education the revulsion about dating someone who’s just left school won’t be as strong.

Justifiedcheese · 01/10/2023 18:55

Persipan · 01/10/2023 18:06

Well, The Ratio says the youngest age of person you should get involved with is half your age plus 7.

So?
So tired of this bs being spouted. There's no bloody rule.

pantypant · 01/10/2023 18:55

According to you 18 is not really an adult then. She's been 18 for 2 months. How far into 18 does one have to be for you? Why do you keep saying 2 months ago? She's 18. He's 22. You are very very strange in thinking that is odd.

Why are you hanging around with someone who was 18 only 3 and a bit years ago. Are you deviant?

Mistymist · 01/10/2023 18:55

There is nothing wrong with that age gap, even if she is 18, she is not a child anymore and there is nothing creepy about him being 22 and dating her. So yeah, you are being unreasonable.

applesandmares · 01/10/2023 18:55

I don't think you're unfair for expressing that opinion, I can see where you're coming from. I wouldn't be particularly alarmed by it myself though.

Bex5490 · 01/10/2023 18:54

Persipan · 01/10/2023 18:06

Well, The Ratio says the youngest age of person you should get involved with is half your age plus 7.

With this ratio, I at 33 could date a 23 year old…this would feel a bit weird to me!

Although I do remember the stamina of men when I was 23 😂😂😂! Something to consider I guess if ever DH decides to give me the boot 🤷🏽‍♀️

Rainbowraisin · 01/10/2023 18:53

You're being ridiculous. They are both adults and it's only a 4 year gap.

DirtyDuchess · 01/10/2023 18:52

That age gap is perfectly acceptable and your comment regarding pp parents shows you up to be very childish and spiteful. I suggest you butt out of other people's business with that attitude.

Sirzy · 01/10/2023 18:50

You may not like it but they are both legally adults and so can make their own choices

BadgeronaMoped · 01/10/2023 18:49

I'm a grouch about creepy age gaps, but this one wouldn't bother me. Sorry, YABU.

Polis · 01/10/2023 18:48

Regardless of if they’ve continued to have a lovely life, your dad was an adult and your mum was a child. He successfully groomed your mother

Nasty.

You are being unreasonable.

MrsRandom123 · 01/10/2023 18:48

YABU. I met my husband at 19 & he was 25 (he thought i was older & i thought he was younger) hit it off and age never an issue although he hadn’t been with anyone that much younger before.

she is an adult. I wouldn’t have an issue with my 18 year old dd and a 22 year old. Possibly 17 and 21 be ok too depending on who he was and how well she knew him and how they met. 16 and 20 i might struggle more with but not when she was 18.

do you fancy him? You’re age range in the group varies so is it strange to you that a 27 year old is friends with / has stuff in common with a 22 year old?

MariePaperRoses · 01/10/2023 18:48

Seems fine to me.

If she was my daughter I would be pleased at her seeing someone a little bit older. SOME 18 year old males can still be a bit laddish and behave badly under peer pressure.

A 22 year old should be past all that.

Do you often disapprove of your friends private lifestyles?

Nutellaonall · 01/10/2023 18:48

It’s just about ok. I imagine it’s because the dynamics of friendships between the girls in the group would be off if further down the line he wanted to introduce her. A 27 year old girl would not be interested in having to socialise with an 18 year old. But he is the youngest in your friendship group so this was always going to happen. Blokes do tend to go for girls a few years younger than them.

comfyshoes2022 · 01/10/2023 18:46

Internally I might judge a 22 year old a little bit for wanting to date an 18 year old but I definitely think it’s within the bounds of normal.

Comedycook · 01/10/2023 18:46

18 and 22 is absolutely fine imo.

SocksAndTheCity · 01/10/2023 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jumped the shark far too soon there, OP 🤣