Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

Age gap argument

158 replies

Queseraseraa · 01/10/2023 18:03

We are a big group of friends ages 22- 27. We are all childless so socialise almost every weekend. We went for drinks last night and I ended up in a disagreement that got a bit heated.

One of the guys (22) said he would like to go to a certain bar as someone he’s been chatting with let him know she was there last night. He then divulged she was 18 and turned 18 just 2 months ago.
I said I thought that was a bit grim if I’m honest and he could not see the issue. I pointed out that it was in my opinion a bit strange to be a 22 year old that has been an adult for 4 years to find someone attractive that only a few months ago was legally a child.

He then got in a bit of a mood and said I made him feel weird about it now and was in a mood with me all night.

WABU? Yes, I know this girl is now legally an adult but she has only a few months ago left sixth form?! We are all working adults with careers and I definitely would have viewed an 18yo as still almost a child in regards to dating when I was 22!

OP posts:

Original poster

Queseraseraa · 01/10/2023 19:34

do you fancy him? You’re age range in the group varies so is it strange to you that a 27 year old is friends with / has stuff in common with a 22 year old?

Our age range varies because we actually have several sets of siblings within the group.

OP posts:

jolies1 · 01/10/2023 19:32

I think it’s completely fine. By 18 she might have been working for two years if she wasn’t at college, might be away at uni living independently from parents. There’s not a huge difference between 18 & 22 even if one working full time and socialising with older adults - most 22 y/o I know are living at home, or just finished uni, going out, enjoying their life, not that different from an 18 year old. Like many posters I dated a 22 year old who was a masters student when I started uni. Guess who was more mature?! Many of my friends dated friends of their older siblings. We lived in a small town if you only went out with people your age it was slim pickings!

Fair enough when you get to around 25 and the gap starts getting a bit more icky

They are just chatting, not even dating. All I would do in your place is remind him to double check she is the age she says she is as teenagers sometimes fib about that without knowing the risks.

PinkMoscatoLover · 01/10/2023 19:32

truecolour · 01/10/2023 18:04

It’s not a problem. She is an adult.

You have an issue with it because I imagine you’re closer to 27.

No issue with someone who is up to 24 I’d say, being with someone who is 18. It’s all about the people involved. YABU

I’m 24 and if a friend of mine who was 24 went for someone who was 18 I’d actually be disgusted.

I’m with you OP. A 22 year old and a 18 year old? Nope. A 22 and a 26 year old is more acceptable imo

Petunia90 · 01/10/2023 19:30

I don't think it is that bad at all, as somebody said, he could easily be a final year uni student and her a fresher. It's a shame if he now feels bad. They are likely very similar in terms of maturity.

BasicDad · 01/10/2023 19:30

22 yo men are rarely as mature as 18 year olds at the best of times. Both adults though, YABU.

fettuccini · 01/10/2023 19:29

55larry · 01/10/2023 19:24

I was 18 and Dh was 23 when we started going out, we married 18 months later and have been married for 51 years so you wouldn’t approve our relationship but it was very usual to have even bigger age gaps then.

Be careful. The OP will accuse your husband of grooming you now!

SomeCatFromJapan · 01/10/2023 19:29

I was 18 and my first boyfriend was 22 when we got together. I'd not have appreciated you calling him grim or strange.

CobbldyCook · 01/10/2023 19:28

YABU. I think you have overreacted and your friend deserves an apology. 18 and 22 is a total non issue IMO.

JaceLancs · 01/10/2023 19:27

It very much depends on the maturity of said 18 and 22 year olds
I find it concerning that you think all 18 year olds are a homogenous group
At 18 someone may have a child, job, be a carer, be in the forces etc
At 18 I was living on my own and had a lot of life experience (sadly as most were bad)

55larry · 01/10/2023 19:24

VeronicaSawyer89 · 01/10/2023 19:23

YABU. There's really not that much difference. There are almost 4 years between my dds, eldest is almost 21 and youngest just turned 17. Maturity wise they're pretty much the same.

Firebug007 · 01/10/2023 19:21

YABU, a 4 year gap 18-22 is fine, you sound jealous 🤷‍♀️

WaltzingWaters · 01/10/2023 19:20

That age gap is completely fine.

Aprilx · 01/10/2023 19:17

fionaapple · 01/10/2023 19:15

I absolutely don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I couldn't imagine being interested in someone who hasn't even completed their A-Levels when I'd graduated from uni and had a proper job. A 4-year age gap is fine when you're 24 and 28 for example but just because 18 is an adult by law, it doesn't mean you magically mature overnight on your 18th birthday. He needs to find someone his own age rather than someone who couldn't even legally be in the club a couple of months ago.

What a strange response. You know that not everybody goes to university or even does A levels don’t you. Some people take other paths in life.

fionaapple · 01/10/2023 19:15

Gillypie23 · 01/10/2023 19:06

Don't see the issue. He's only 4 years older than her. You're the one with the problem.

honeyandfizz · 01/10/2023 19:05

When I was 19 I was dating a 30 year old, we were together for 18 months and it was fine I was old enough to choose who I wanted to be with.

HikingforScenery · 01/10/2023 19:05

As he’s male, his maturity i’d probably closer to the 28year old’s than a 22 year old female’s.
It’s not that big a gap tbh

Aprilx · 01/10/2023 19:03

Queseraseraa · 01/10/2023 18:11

Why is it women on this site can’t disagree with a man in relation to a woman without being accused of fancying him herself?

Show quote history

It is difficult to otherwise understand your objection. I am 53 and I don’t like big age gaps, but 18 and 22? It is fine, really. You were out of order.

2chocolateoranges · 01/10/2023 19:03

Not much of a difference between 18 and 22. I was just 19 when I got with dh who was 22. I was at college in full time education and he had just completed an apprenticeship . Still together 28yrs later.

i find it more bizarre that at 27 you are hanging about with 22 yr olds every weekend.

I think you owe him an apology.

ActDottie · 01/10/2023 19:02

YABU. She is an adult and he is an adult. It’s 4 years age difference that’s literally nothing.

Bex5490 · 01/10/2023 18:59

pantypant · 01/10/2023 18:55

According to you 18 is not really an adult then. She's been 18 for 2 months. How far into 18 does one have to be for you? Why do you keep saying 2 months ago? She's 18. He's 22. You are very very strange in thinking that is odd.

Why are you hanging around with someone who was 18 only 3 and a bit years ago. Are you deviant?

Lol @ are you a deviant? 😂😂😂😂😂😂

Flowergarden73 · 01/10/2023 18:59

Wow!!!
What is actually wrong with you? I’m surprised you have any friends tbh

MrsRandom123 · 01/10/2023 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

On reflection are you the 27 year old and having to socialise with younger people as you are so childish? Nasty as well so likely single? You clearly have a weird view of relationships in general and sound jealous. The 18 year old is probably more mature than you.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 01/10/2023 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

😂

I wonder you have a group of friends who put up with you tbh OP.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7