Age gap argument

How old are you exactly OP?

Ridiculous point of view .

My DD18 has a bf who is 21, they're a great couple, very mature and sensible (sometimes) no concern here whatsoever.

I was 22 and DH was 19 when we met.....

Hardly surprising that your friend didn't like you suggesting he was a creep. She's only a few years younger than he is. She's an adult. Doesn't matter if she's been 18 for a day or 11 months. Some people become a bit obsessive over age gaps. The fact is that some people at 18 are more mature than others will be in their 50s.

A 4 year age gap is completey normal and very typical in male/female relationships. In gave I think it's the average.

There's 11 years between me and my DH

I have a DS the same age as your friend. This subject came up a while ago when one of their friendship group was interested in a young woman he didn't know the age of. When he found out she was 18, he immediately lost interest, and was subject to a lot of teasing. He's now earned himself a nickname no man would want. So while there isn't anything officially wrong with it, and in my day it wouldn't have raised an eyebrow, many young people these days would see it as inappropriate, so I get where you're coming from OP.

Didn't quite word it very well, meant to say we all thought she was so old compared to us.

I remember being a 18 year old in first year and we had a 23 year old on our course. We all thought she was so much older! Now I'm in my early 30s and have a 23 year old colleague, 23 feels like a lifetime ago.

Do you feel because you're a 20-something engaged woman that it gives you more authority to lecture people on what is and isn't permissible in a romantic context? I can see why it got heated.

I don't think I'd give a second thought to an 18yo being with a 22yo.

I don't actually think that's true. Saying girls mature faster than boys means older men can shag teenagers without looking like pervs.

You are being really ridiculous. Girls generally mature faster than boys. When I was a teenager my friends and I would more often than not be with an older boy/man as the maturity levels fit better.

She'd say the older one groomed the younger one as she said this about my parents.

OP, if you met a married couple who were , say , in their fifties , and they told you they started dating when she was 18 and he was 22 , what would be your thoughts on that ?

I think this should be clearer that it depends on the people. An 18 year old is an adult, you can’t arbitrarily decide they are ‘too young’ for a decent bloke who is 22 and just entering what most of us consider ‘proper life’ eg out of full time education and starting to stand on own two feet.

People mature at different rates! By 18 I’d nursed my mother through cancer and supported my dad through bereavement. He was delighted I was dating someone a few years older that might have the maturity to support me.

15 and 19 would be a definite issue.
16 and 20 would be somewhat of a concern.
17 and 21 would probably be just about okay.
18 and 22 is fine.

Everyone is mocking the 'half your age plus 7' rue, but actually it's a pretty good guideline for teens and twenty-somethings.

OP you don't sound jealous btw.

I’m not a fan of teens/early 20s dating older men/women but 18 and 22 seems ok to me.

At 22 I’d just graduated from university. I was an adult, but not an adult adult.”

I don’t think there would necessarily be a power imbalance there.

Obviously awkward if he wants her to hang out with his friends though… I wouldn’t have wanted to go drinking with an 18 year old at 27.

At 18 I dated a 25 yo and I was definitely more mature than him! Over 18 dating someone less than 10 years older is totally fine. Stop making out men are paedophiles for dating anyone you personally disagree with. Your view is weird.

Op called my dad a groomer earlier upthread so you might get the same

That's quite something to say to someone about their own dad.

@Aprilx most 18 year olds are still in some form of education and most 22 year olds will either be in or will have finished further education or they will have been working in the adult world for 4 years. Some 18 year olds are still in school uniforms. It makes me wonder why these men can't attract women closer to their own age and why they're going for freshly 18 year old girls who probably have little experience with boyfriends.

I'm with you OP, I think that's a really difficult age range where 18 is still very young (presumably still in education if just turned?) and 22 is just out of that coming of age period of 18-21, so maturity should theoretically be quite different. It depends on the people obviously, but I wouldn't be thrilled as the parent of either the 18 or 22 year old. Just as I wouldn't if a 12 year old was seeing a 16 year old. I think when the youngest one is 21 is when it starts to get less contentious. I will put my hands up and say I do have opinions on age gap relationships where others don't.

Op called my dad a groomer earlier upthread so you might get the same