Age gap argument

Nothing wrong with 18 and 22, seems quite a normal age gap. I'd have no problem with that for my kids, depend on how mature they are. My 17 yo DS is much more mature than most 17 yos, I could imagine him dating someone older TBH. I would not have entertained someone of 18 when I was 17/18.

Great. So some do, some don't then!

Well @5128gap , if we are going anecdotal, my young adults all in this age group) don't think that age different is odd at all.

Indeed, there's a great many people everywhere closer in age to the OP than I am, that tends to be the case after a certain age. And it was the views of some of those young people I was talking about, as I quite clearly explained. The people in the OPs age group that I know (who are as close as close could be to her age) would agree with her. Not me, them. No ageism to see there.

@5128gap there are plenty of people here who are closer in age to the OP than you are, including a good proportion of commenters on this thread. Your comment was certainly quite ageist actually.

Yanbu from the perspective that it’ll probably be quite annoying as if you’re in a group of young professionals who all socialise / live together the last thing I imagine you all want is some little 18 year old just out of school tagging along! That’s how I’d have felt in your situation.

However he’s not doing anything wrong. The difference is men are still very immature at 22 (and beyond in some cases) so would see no problem dating an 18 year old.

My dh is about 4 years older than me.

Pointing out that norms and ideas of what's acceptable can be different in different age groups isn't ageist and it's certainly not sexist, so leave off with the 'silly old woman' nonsense.
I'm 54 and have no interest in perpetuating that as a trope.
And because I'm 54 I'll freely admit that my experience of being a teen and young person over 3 decades ago probably means I'm not up to speed with the current social norms. The young people I know probably are though, and rightly or wrongly, ime tend to share the OPs views.

I know at 18 I’d done far riskier things than date a 22 year old with a steady job 😂

My boyfriend when I was 19 was 31....I dumped him because he was too immature 🤣
18 and 22 isn't even remotely an issue.
Just out of interest how long would she have had to have been out of school to make it acceptable?
You do realise that technically she could study until her 30's and not leave education....should she put adulting on hold?

Yea the old biddies couldn't possibly know anything about being teenagers and young adults could they. How dare people over 30 comment on young peoples issues. Silly old women.

YABU

She's an adult, not even that much younger, and you're being really weird about this. Even by today's standards.

You sound judgemental of others and a party pooper. It's not surprising he got in a mood with you. You probably ruined his night.

People have such limited views it's astounding.

This.

No big deal whatsoever. I remember being 18 and dating several 21 year olds. The 18 year old men where immature babies. I remember one of us dating a 28 year old, we did raise an eyebrow at that one and called him an "old man almost at incontinent age".
But 18-22? totally normal and ok.

Quite

Grim and vile. Everything is grim and vile on MN.

An 18 yo and a 22 yo together is neither. Just not a big deal in any way.

Do what about 2118? 20/18?

Or do people have to be exactly the same age for you to feel satisfied?

20 year olds may well have been in the work force for a couple of years. 22 year old May not have left education.

At 18 many girls will have had loads of boyfriends. They may have been locked in a convent or may have travelled the world whilst being home schooled or escaped a war zone. They may be the baby of the family or the responsible carer of their disabled parent.

People have such limited views it's astounding.

Grim? Is this the most overused word on MN?
It's not grim, nor is it inappropriate, it's perfectly fine between two consenting adults.

YABU that age gap seems fine. You know 16 is the age of consent; right?

Not many 22 year old women want to date 18 year old men do they? They would be considered immature probably. That’s why it’s icky… the immaturity is viewed negatively for young men but positively for young women (by the older man).

Although saying that I was 19 when I met my 24 year old now DH, and I was at uni. I think that’s different to someone who has literally just turned 18. Or maybe times have just changed.

No

I think a lot of people responding are not in the age group you're talking about OP and are speaking from a perspective of being that age in a time when attitudes were more relaxed. Also past a certain age, under 25s often get lumped together as 'young' by older people, and the nuances of the differences between 18 and just left school and 23 and living a fully adult lifestyle are lost. Certainly your view point is shared by the young people I know and they are also pretty vocal about it.

Could you explain to me when this became a thing? I'm older and when I was young it was completely normal, no one thought an age gap of 4 years was abusive or problematical , or weird. I often went out with boys older than me, because frankly the ones of my age still acted like adolescents. It's not the number as in age ,but whether the people concerned are at the same level of emotional maturity, surely? And18/22 seems to me to be about the same level.

Whatever your personal views on this if you work together it’s unfair to imply this young man is doing something inherently wrong and risk damaging his reputation at work. If you don’t agree with this age gap, fine. But the majority of people will have experienced a gap like this themselves or in their friendship group / family and seen it go absolutely fine.

YABU - 18 is an adult, and he's only 22. Completely normal.

No. She isn’t somehow less of an adult because she’s studying.

You’re being really weird about this. They’re two adults close in age. You do know 18-year-olds and 22-year-olds could easily be at university together, right? Would you expect a third-year student not to date a first year student even though they were part of the same friendship group and living in the same halls and socialising at the same student union bar?

it is completely normal and fine for a 22-year-old to date an 18-year-old. Maybe you were immature and childlike at 18 but plenty of 18-year-olds aren’t and some 18 year old girls find they are way mature than boys the same age, so it really isn’t an issue for them to date someone in his 20s.