Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I rude?

89 replies

EarlyBirds2 · 29/09/2023 23:25

I don't think I was, but happy to be told otherwise...

I worked in child care for many years, as a nanny. I haven't worked with kids for 3 years now though and no longer have any child care profiles online (deactivated them all when I stopped working with kids). Somehow parents have still managed to find my details from somewhere and I've had the odd email/text but always politely told them that I don't work in child care anymore.

It's never bothered me... until tonight. I was lying in bed half asleep and at 11pm my phone started ringing. I didn't recognise the number (definitely not family or friends) so just ignored it and figured if it was important they'd leave a voicemail. A few minutes later and I received a text saying "We are looking for a nanny/babysitter to look after our 19 month old son. Days are Tues-Thurs. Are you available?"

It really pissed me off so I replied "Don't you think it's rude to call someone, let alone a stranger at this time of night? It's also polite to address someone or even just say hello in a message too. Manners cost nothing, and no I don't work in childcare anymore". They haven't responded and to be honest I'm not surprised. I sent the message and immediately thought maybe I overacted. On the other hand, is it really acceptable to call someone at this time of night? Especially when it's not even an emergency and could have waited until tomorrow. That and the abrupt message, just really wound me up. If they had contacted me at a normal time during the day/evening I would have politely responded like I have with all the other parents over the years.

AIBU?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
PepsiCoco · 01/10/2023 00:50

Yep you were OTT.
I would have just asked them where they got your number from and explained you no longer do it then you can track down the actual issue of where your number is

Alittlebitofthat1 · 01/10/2023 00:44

I love your response well done

ReplyPost · 01/10/2023 00:24

I don't think you were rude. They were sorely lacking in good manners and social skills. You helped them by politely advising them on what is appropriate.

SparkyBlue · 30/09/2023 23:49

Your response was absolutely fine OP. They were the rude ones and well done to you for calling them up on it.

SupportAnimalShelters · 30/09/2023 23:16

newlystyle · 30/09/2023 15:00

No op wasn't rude at all. You must be one of those people! You address people so rudely, no hello or apologies for the late message??
You sound rude yourself if you think op is the rude one.

Show quote history

What a strangely reactive post to something that isn't even addressed at you. I'm just one of those people who doesn't feel the need to respond to rude people in real life. It's really not worth the energy. If you're being rude back, you've allowed them to make you tense. Shrug it off, get on with your day without giving these type of people any of your energy, and then no-one can take even a little bit of your inner peace. It's worth it.

I'm not saying I'm perfect and have never in my life responded more strongly to something than required. I just learned it didn't make me feel better about myself (as OP clearly doesn't or there wouldn't be this thread) and robbed my own peace. I just don't let anyone do that to me anymore. There are much more important things and people to spend my energy on.

JudgeRudy · 30/09/2023 18:52

I would text at anytime, unless I knew for sure it was your personal number. I wouldn't have a problem calling at 11pm. I'd assume it was a business number and it would go onto answerphone or you are happy to answer. She didn't get an answer so she sent a text. I don't think it needs a Hello Ms X...the message wasnt rude, just factual and to the point. It wouldn't bother me. I might consider changing my number if you often get troublesome calls.

BerriesNutsConkers · 30/09/2023 15:56

In the circumstances, your reply was totally appropriate - and more polite than I would be with someone waking me at 11 p.m. on a Friday night!!

MyDogsPaws · 30/09/2023 15:51

I’m a dog walker and I get this all the time! People phoning at ridiculous times of the night expecting me to answer the phone, I’m sure they are fully aware that most self employed business owners aren’t operating a 24 hour call centre to deal with enquiries. I never take any booking from customers who do this, I just automatically assume they wouldn’t treat me with respect.

dothehokeycokey · 30/09/2023 15:47

@EarlyBirds2

God I wish I could do that.

I have clients that message me right upto midnight at times and sometimes from 6 am on a Sunday it really boils my piss people are so fucking rude.

I don't even open the messages until a working day now and certainly not til start time.

I used to reply saying please call after 9 am on (whatever day I was working next) and they would still reply to that with requests so I just don't bother now

agent765 · 30/09/2023 15:34

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 29/09/2023 23:57

They were rude first. Maybe they will use some manners now.

We could live in hope.

Anyone who rings a stranger at 11pm asking for something in the first place is more than likely to do it again. Entitled behaviour.

MenorcaMarguerite · 30/09/2023 15:17

Thepeopleversuswork · 29/09/2023 23:28

You were way OTT. I can understand finding it irritating but no one was forcing you to respond. You could have just let it lie. 11pm is borderline. Some people will be in bed, on a Friday night a lot won't.

It's not the worst crime and you've made yourself look a bit nuts, honestly.

11 pm is borderline? No way! Surely no-one would call at stranger at 11 pm ever (unless in an emergency)?

Maybe, perhaps, a very close friend or family member who you know is usually up late. Even then I would regard it as pretty surprising unless someone texted first with a "are you up for a call?" type message before calling.

DontGiveMeThatOldCrap · 30/09/2023 15:12

Yes, your response was rude.
They were unreasonable to call at that time of night.

Hygeelady · 30/09/2023 15:11

I don't think you were rude 🤣

ohdamnitjanet · 30/09/2023 15:09

Good for you! No bloody wonder they can’t find childcare. The only possible reason to call someone so late is for a genuine emergency. I think you were rather polite 😊

newlystyle · 30/09/2023 15:03

Ffsmakeitstop · 30/09/2023 05:18

Yanbu unreasonable. I'm on a FB site for recycling stuff you no longer need and a lady was offering something and this man just replied "I'll have it" and whoops before you know it I'd replied to him "a please would be nice".
I got so many likes(not why I did it) it was just like correcting children.

I'm on a FB site for a specific baby issue, and offered free items I had that is always out of stock. Rude idiot messaged me to drop it off to her! No please and thank you. I don't care how desperate she was, can't excuse no manners.

newlystyle · 30/09/2023 15:00

SupportAnimalShelters · 29/09/2023 23:28

Yes, they are rude to call at that time of night and, yes, I think you were rude too. You could have just ignored it or said you're not available by text back. Commenting on how late it was I'd understand but no need to call them out on the format of their message.

No op wasn't rude at all. You must be one of those people! You address people so rudely, no hello or apologies for the late message??
You sound rude yourself if you think op is the rude one.

DickJagger · 30/09/2023 14:52

They were inconsiderate and rude, which many believe is perfectly acceptable towards someone who is providing any sort of service, or they think should be

Yes, I agree with this and I think it's that that has skewed the replies to somehow paint OP in a bad light! There are many people on MN who seem to consider cleaners/nannies etc. as their 'staff'. Contactable and available whenever they see fit.

DickJagger · 30/09/2023 14:51

You weren't rude at all. You are effectively cold-called at 11.00pm at night by someone who can't even be arsed to say hello and somehow you are meant to be a Pollyanna in response? Fuck that noise.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 30/09/2023 14:47

Yes you were rude, but they deserved it!

Bagwyllydiart · 30/09/2023 14:24

You were far more polite than I would have been!

WildFlowerBees · 30/09/2023 14:23

They were rude and sometimes you have to get to a level they understand. I don't think you were rude op. Far too many people are so passive these days.

theduchessofspork · 30/09/2023 14:22

Well they were rude, and then you were a bit rude back.

So it’s evens. Worry not.

LadyEloise1 · 30/09/2023 14:17

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 29/09/2023 23:57

They were rude first. Maybe they will use some manners now.

This.

I really think many children aren't being taught manners anymore.

Can you imagine how bad working for them would be - no boundaries.

Personally I don't mind a text late as I have my phone on silent usually.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 30/09/2023 09:54

very odd that they were calling and texting at that time of night and a bit OTT on your part also. Anyway, it is done now, forget about and put it the back of your mind.

ambitchious · 30/09/2023 09:38

They probably thought they had contacted Jo Frost. 😂

YANBU. And I hope they are on MN.