Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
orande · 29/09/2023 19:29

My son once rubbed his forehead on the carpet in his reception class (unsure why- odd child). It was a red mark when I picked him up. In the morning it had broken like in your photos OP.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/09/2023 19:23

I have no idea what a yoyo pram is or why the straps are any different to a normal pram? I googled, it just looked like any pram with a crotch strap?

I was commenting that you said it looked like photo 1 when you initially saw it, and then you said that about an hour later at 7.30 it looked 100% like a burn - I was pointing out that friction burns reach the 'definitely looks like a burn' stage really quickly. So must have happened shortly before you saw it initially. I'm not saying it wasn't nursery, I just woukd be very very sure before accusing them because it looks to have happened in the cross over between her being at nursery and being at home.

Fairospop22 · 29/09/2023 19:22

@BandicootCrash Burns get worse over time. My daughter had a bad burn, first day it just look like skin had been grazed. 3rd day was angry, red, blistered

AmyandPhilipfan · 29/09/2023 19:22

Sometimes things happen. And people don't see them happen or don't realise they're as bad as they are. So I wouldn't be complaining to nursery about what happened until you have found out what happened. I would have expected the manager or key worker to ring you to speak to you about it though after your email, that is poor form, but then if you sent a furious email they might have decided it's best to keep everything in writing.

Hygeelady · 29/09/2023 19:21

That looks like a chemical burn to me.

Do they log what time they last changed the nappy? Because they surely would have seen it the last time they changed her nappy, that will narrow down the timescale that it happened in. I would not be happy, that looks awful and their communication isn't very good at all. You've made a complaint so that should be followed up properly. How is it looking this evening?

RosaElize · 29/09/2023 19:19

Actually @RandomButtons said it better 👏👏👏

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 19:18

OP have you ever used aloe Vera on her before?

RosaElize · 29/09/2023 19:18

@Boo1321 because mum works? Because mum doesn’t but needs a break? Because social spaces are one of the single best variables in speech development in under 4’s? Because peer interaction is good for her? Because her parents needs or want her to???

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 19:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Bore off. Presumably the OP has a job like 99% of mothers of 2 year olds do.

MoonShinesBright · 29/09/2023 19:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:17

Monty27 · 29/09/2023 18:55

Could she have somehow scratched herself while on the potty?

Oh she didn’t even make it onto the potty, I asked and she already was telling me she had pain.

OP posts:
RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 19:17

Could it be chemical burn from the nappy? Seems far fetched because pampers have to be mega mega full before they split (long story, one of ours ended up in the paddling pool. They literally swell up like pillows.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 29/09/2023 19:16

We have a bad reaction to aloe Vera. Never again!

Boo1321 · 29/09/2023 19:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MatthewsMumFromTikTok · 29/09/2023 19:15

I'm also allergic to aloe Vera and so is my DD.

Sunshinenrain · 29/09/2023 19:15

Aww poor little thing.

It definitely looks sore and I’d have also said it was a friction burn from the nappy, pram straps or something similar.

I wouldn’t says it neglect though as it could have happened at home or at the end of the day at nursery.
It is quite faint in the first photo and so it may not have been visible the last time they changed her nappy.

Definitely put some sudo crem on it and be careful which certain clothing that can irritate it.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/09/2023 19:15

Oddearslongnose · 29/09/2023 19:10

This is difficult because you applied the aloe vera, have you used it on your child before? Skin rarely can react terribly to aloe vera. Not saying this is the reason at all , but i was advised never to use it on small children because if the skin reacts , it reacts badly. Not doubting your experience, just that is it possible the aloe exacerbated the mark by any chance?

That's a really good point actually, I'm allergic to aloe vera, it brings me up in welts. If I put it on broken skin it would not be pleasant at all.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:13

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/09/2023 19:07

For it to have got so much worse, so quickly, and to have only looked a bit reddened when you first saw it, it must have happened almost immediately before you saw it. So either at the very end of the nursery day, on the way home, or at home. Any earlier and it would have already been bloody and weeping, if it was at 7.30pm. Friction burns look like burns - like your second photo - really quite quickly. Are you absolutely, definitely, sure it's not the pram?

First photo is bedroom light- weeping and oozing- when we first got her home (we also live four mins from nursery, Yoyo pram so not even tight on the straps around the area)
second photo is darker because it’s started to scab also natural light and 13 hours later

OP posts:
RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 19:12

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:39

@Thanksforreading Im struggling to think what could have caused this to a toddler. Friction burn? Against what? This seems almost impossible.

On the inner thigh too - that’s an unusual place to injure unless a seesaw was involved. Very unusual place to get a friction burn through clothing.

OP did she have shorts/skirt on or trousers?

Oddearslongnose · 29/09/2023 19:10

This is difficult because you applied the aloe vera, have you used it on your child before? Skin rarely can react terribly to aloe vera. Not saying this is the reason at all , but i was advised never to use it on small children because if the skin reacts , it reacts badly. Not doubting your experience, just that is it possible the aloe exacerbated the mark by any chance?

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:10

SaltyCrisps · 29/09/2023 19:07

Hi OP,

This looks sore, and I can't understand how the nursery didn't know it had happened.

I'm not sure, though. Are you saying that the site in photo 1 is the same site as photo 2? Photo 2 definitely shows lost skin/friction burn, but I can't see any skin missing in Photo 1. Apologies if I've misunderstood.

Hey no worries, first photo is more faint because it was oozing and weeping, also taken with bedroom lights, the second is this morning when it’s more darker because it’s started to scab and also morning natural light.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:08

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 29/09/2023 19:00

I would guess this happened at home. It is barely there after nursery. I think she was pinched by her biggy strap accidentally. Maybe she wiggled and pinched herself.

It was more faint because it was oozing and weeping in the first photo, second photo was taken this morning and it’s darker brown from the scabbing now.

OP posts:
SaltyCrisps · 29/09/2023 19:07

Hi OP,

This looks sore, and I can't understand how the nursery didn't know it had happened.

I'm not sure, though. Are you saying that the site in photo 1 is the same site as photo 2? Photo 2 definitely shows lost skin/friction burn, but I can't see any skin missing in Photo 1. Apologies if I've misunderstood.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/09/2023 19:07

For it to have got so much worse, so quickly, and to have only looked a bit reddened when you first saw it, it must have happened almost immediately before you saw it. So either at the very end of the nursery day, on the way home, or at home. Any earlier and it would have already been bloody and weeping, if it was at 7.30pm. Friction burns look like burns - like your second photo - really quite quickly. Are you absolutely, definitely, sure it's not the pram?

Theunamedcat · 29/09/2023 19:07

TizerorFizz · 29/09/2023 18:39

@Thanksforreading Im struggling to think what could have caused this to a toddler. Friction burn? Against what? This seems almost impossible.

Wet nappy rubbing on the thigh happened with one of my children nursery were very apologetic they went for a walk and he did a huge wee by the time he got back to the nursery his nappy rubbed him raw its nasty to deal with