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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
RosaElize · 29/09/2023 19:49

My goodness @Somethingweirdisgoingon that is horrific and does look like it could be what has happened here potentially

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:48

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She’s two, and I never said she had speech development problems. She’s 2 with limited vocabulary, like all 2 year olds learning to speak.
Nursery is normally open till 6-7.30pm so picking her up after work at 5.45pm is normal.

OP posts:
Grapewrath · 29/09/2023 19:47

If your DD got a burn from her nappy in your care would you say it was neglect and woukd you be happy with a referral the children’s social care- or, would you accept that it was a badly fitting or loose nappy/clothing?
You don’t know how it happened and yes of course it needs to be looked into but I wouldn’t be bandying the word neglect around at this stage

FoodFann · 29/09/2023 19:47

I think it was most likely paused by a heavy nappy left on too long. So yes, it would appear to be neglect

WowOK · 29/09/2023 19:47

I looks like she had a full nappy and it was dangling and rubbing on her. Is her bum sore?

Mamette · 29/09/2023 19:47

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🙄 What is this pointless (and judgmental I may add) comment doing on this thread?

OP I hope your DD heals quickly and you get a proper response from the nursery.

Butterfly898 · 29/09/2023 19:46

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What on earth kind of comment is this?! Bore off, as a previous poster said. People have to work. 5.45pm is therefore what time a lot of children get picked up!

Zanatdy · 29/09/2023 19:46

Ouch that looks sore. Do they ride trikes? I wonder if caused playing outside. Accidents do happen and if they spotted her crying (not unusual to happen multiple times a day with kids that age) they wouldn’t spot that injury if she’s got leggings etc on. You might not get an explanation, but I can’t see how it could be neglect as such, or a deliberate injury. Not great they didn’t spot it happen, but a room full of kids it’s not always possible to see everything happen and given she wasn’t wearing shorts etc I’d imagine or pointed to the area or told them, then reasonable they might not have noticed.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:45

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 19:18

Bore off. Presumably the OP has a job like 99% of mothers of 2 year olds do.

Show quote history

Thank you!

OP posts:
mauvish · 29/09/2023 19:45

I used to be a GP. If a GP has really given an opinion that this is a friction burn, then they are well out of order and would be ripped to shreds in a court if they gave testimony to that effect. That GP is either very inexperienced, very foolish or a bit of both.

How could anyone know that it was a friction burn without knowing that friction was applied? And as everyone has said, it's an extremely odd spot for friction. Not a pressure point at all.

Now obviously I can't say what it is or isn't (I'm neither inexperienced nor foolish as a GP!). But I see a PP has brought up staph infection and I would wonder the same. Impetigo (often caused by staph) can often look like a burn. That's worth considering

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:43

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 29/09/2023 19:23

I have no idea what a yoyo pram is or why the straps are any different to a normal pram? I googled, it just looked like any pram with a crotch strap?

I was commenting that you said it looked like photo 1 when you initially saw it, and then you said that about an hour later at 7.30 it looked 100% like a burn - I was pointing out that friction burns reach the 'definitely looks like a burn' stage really quickly. So must have happened shortly before you saw it initially. I'm not saying it wasn't nursery, I just woukd be very very sure before accusing them because it looks to have happened in the cross over between her being at nursery and being at home.

Thanks for your input! The straps on the Yoyo are padded infront of the groin area and the straps are pretty loose. I also live four mins away from nursery, she also wore tracksuit bottoms into nursery.
I did question whether is was a burn at the beginning because she made a comment saying “itchy” but that was just a confused comment by my DD or a miss use of word. Also, I didn’t add this in my original post, but two of our friends toddlers we know have hand foot and mouth at the moment in a different nursery so there was all sorts going through my mind. Also with any burn as time goes on, the more angrier it looks, and when it started to look angry it was when we decided it looked like a burn to us. (Photos are 13 hours apart as well, so second photo is more darker some scabbing)

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 29/09/2023 19:42

I wouldn’t assume neglect.

Carpet or rope burns do look much worse (and hurt more) after several hours- the skin breaks and they start to weep

It may not have been particularly painful when she did it.

Somethingweirdisgoingon · 29/09/2023 19:42

For context this is what happened to my daughter and was the result of being left in a soiled nappy for hours and made to walk in it, it looks very similar to your little one and please don't be talked into thinking it's "not that bad" I had the opinion of two doctors, a solicitor, social services and two police officers, so I can safely say you have every right to pursue this as you see fit.

Carouselfish · 29/09/2023 19:40

The getting worse overnight is easily explained if it's a burn and has popped overnight. Goes from a red mark to an open wound.

2weekstowait · 29/09/2023 19:38

I have a mark like this on my hand at the moment - I got it from trapping my hand between a door and a metal cage I was using at work. When I first did it it was just a bit red, though it was quite tender, then later on the skin broke like in your picture. Hope it's better soon and you find out what happened.

Also, I just want to add that it was a split second thing that I don't think could have been prevented (apart from by me being more careful!).

Somethingweirdisgoingon · 29/09/2023 19:37

@Thanksforreading this EXACT thing happened to me, I actually posted on here last month. Basically they left her in a soiled nappy for hours.

She needed antibiotics in the end. Nursery were awful about it. Long story short, pulled her out of nursery with no notice, my solicitor has contacted their insurance company to start proceedings (not being grabby before anyone jumps on me, it's money held for my daughter by the court until she's 18) police informed (as social services themselves told me to, it's neglect and an abusive act. Social services have also investigated and inspected the nursery.

I know this sounds a bit OTT, but it was totally avoidable and they needed to be taught a lesson. I'd not have been as wildly angry had they not played the whole thing down and denied everything until I was able to prove it all. Make sure you go to the doctors and call social services, keep records of everything

Stheks · 29/09/2023 19:37

Both DD and I get a bad skin reaction to aloe vera which looks like a third degree burn. Perhaps that has aggravated it overnight.

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 19:34

There are probably quite a few ways it could have happened, she could have slipped on something and some material or a strap or basically anything could have caught her there. If she didn't cry at the time or even if she did it may not have been obvious to nursery staff what had happened.

I used to work in the nursery and there was quite a lot of times that parents would ask us about bruises or scrapes and the child had not indicated that they'd hurt themselves so we just didn't know.

Jingleq · 29/09/2023 19:33

Also not sure about your nursery but the one I use has cctv so the time I’ve had an issue the manager fully retraced there steps. Hoping yours has too as I’m not aware of many that don’t nowadays

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:33

orande · 29/09/2023 19:29

My son once rubbed his forehead on the carpet in his reception class (unsure why- odd child). It was a red mark when I picked him up. In the morning it had broken like in your photos OP.

Oh bless him! I think most children do things us adults would never understand, but you must of been told that he was rubbing his forehead on the carpet for you to know. I am more upset with no one telling us what has happened and at pick up they said she was very happy. It was a great day and we live only four minutes away from nursery and she travels in a yo-yo pram which is very padded and loose strapping around the area. I mean even if nursery said she climbed and had an accident, I would of been sure yes fine, it’s the lack to knowledge

OP posts:
Sunshinenrain · 29/09/2023 19:33

Fairospop22 · 29/09/2023 19:22

@BandicootCrash Burns get worse over time. My daughter had a bad burn, first day it just look like skin had been grazed. 3rd day was angry, red, blistered

That’s what I’m wondering happened.

So it would have been barely visible to the nursery staff and then it’s gotten worse over time.

Jingleq · 29/09/2023 19:31

Hope you’re ok OP. I would hit the roof and rightly so!

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:30

CakeInAJar · 29/09/2023 18:59

Aw the poor baby! That must be so sore.

I’m also struggling to think how this could happen to a toddler - a friction burn on her thigh? Knees yes from crawling but I’d be seriously concerned

This is what I’m super confused about because it is inner left thigh… like you says knees is so common I wouldn’t even consider it as neglect because it’s a normal area! Like a bruise on arm or shin area is super normal.

OP posts: