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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 20:31

Mamette · 29/09/2023 19:47

🙄 What is this pointless (and judgmental I may add) comment doing on this thread?

OP I hope your DD heals quickly and you get a proper response from the nursery.

Show quote history

@Mamette thank you so much for your kind words! Just need to make it to Monday and pray nursery replies, with an explanation, could be sometime super simple and I go oooo and done chapter so I can move on and send her in happy and not freak out at work while questioning whyyyy.
DD inner thigh is darkening so it’s full scabbing now so it’s healing well!

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:31

OP some kids have really really sensitive skin. My youngest, if minded by anyone but me or my DM, used to get nappy rash within hours. MIL used to think she was so practised in nappy changes that she could just do it quickly while he lay across her knee. Cursory wipe, no air drying or sudocream. Nappy put back on straight away. He NEEDED laying down on a changing mat, a really thorough clean of his bum, with multiple wipes. Laying there to air dry completely. Then a layer of sudocrem. Every time. If you didn't do this, his nappy area would get really sore so quickly. I'm sure that if he had gone to FT nursery while he was in nappies then he may have ended up with sores like your poor DD. Most children's skin barriers seem to be able to manage but some kids seem to be sensitive to the slightest bit of urine and a bit of chafing. If you then try to make it better by putting the wrong kind of cream on, which doesn't suit their skin, then it may make it a bit worse. As others have said, aloe vera may not be the best thing for some people, I learned recently.

I'd be watching out for infection now too.

OhcantthInkofaname · 29/09/2023 20:30

The definite looks like a friction type burn. That means that it formed a "blister" and the blister popped and left a open area that scabbed over.

It doesn't mean it continued at home.

pickyourown · 29/09/2023 20:28

Ah just seen the responses about the nappy! This wouldn’t have occurred to me but makes sense. Poor pet. I would be fuming.

Maray1967 · 29/09/2023 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I beg your pardon? !!!

It might be a surprise to you but some of us have to work. We could not afford a modest house in a safe area on DH’s salary alone when our Dc were in nursery. I usually picked mine up around 5 but sometimes it was later. Guess what ? They are both well adjusted, healthy lads.

Sundaefraise · 29/09/2023 20:25

Totalwasteofpaper · 29/09/2023 19:55

I remember your thread and was reminded of it when I read this.
I am so glad you are taking legal action. It was 💯 the right thing to do. what they allowed to happen to your DD was horrific, I remember the pics. I hope she is better now and that money goes towards something totally awesome for her when she is older.

OP - my yard stick is "could this have happened when I was looking after my child" this fails that test. There is no way that kind of thing would happen to my DD on my watch... or on yours I'm sure.

This is 100% unacceptable and neglect.
I'd be pursuing this HARD and to its fullest extent for two reasons

  1. This should have never happened to your child.
  1. Left unchecked who knows how bad the next incident like this will be for some other poor child...
Show quote history

I think it is this as well. As soon as I saw it, it reminded me of dd. She is a good bit older but has ASD and some hygiene issues, but communication wise she won't tell us when she is pain and because she is older she manages her own toileting. To get to the point, I have seen her with similar marks when she has not got on top of her hygiene. Urine can be awful for skin and it can deteriorate quickly. Possibly it was made worse by aloe vera, but certainly from the initial pictures - I don't think they have been changing her. Poor baby.

pickyourown · 29/09/2023 20:24

Bleach burn. Tend to get worse before they get better.
Could some have splashed on her somehow when she was on the potty?

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 20:24

KidsDr · 29/09/2023 20:02

If that spreads/extends by the time you check in the morning, consider infection. Staphylococcus (a bacteria) can cause skin infection that mimics a burn and gets bigger quite rapidly over a course of hours to days.

Just looked, it’s more scabbed so I think it should be on the road to recovery and not any bigger! Thanks for the tip!

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:20

Tigger1895 · 29/09/2023 20:16

The pictures seem to show 2 different legs

You fell into the same trap as me. Top left of photo 2 shows her abdomen and her arm.

SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh · 29/09/2023 20:19

Tigger1895 · 29/09/2023 20:16

The pictures seem to show 2 different legs

The number of people who don't understand angles is alarming.

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 20:18

Tigger1895 · 29/09/2023 20:16

The pictures seem to show 2 different legs

It doesn't, read the thread.

Tigger1895 · 29/09/2023 20:16

The pictures seem to show 2 different legs

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:16

SpringViolet · 29/09/2023 20:10

Both photos are of the left leg! Honestly why do people come on here to derail by arguing about something like that!?

That is definitely chaffing from a saggy nappy OP. They would have seen it when they changed it. I wouldn’t be returning my DC there, they’d be getting an earful and a formal complaint.

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I wasn't arguing or trying to derail, I honestly couldn't get it - like "is this dress blue or gold"!

Cowlover89 · 29/09/2023 20:15

Poor bairn. Hope it heals soon x

coxesorangepippin · 29/09/2023 20:15

Accident?!?!

Ouch 🤕

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:14

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 20:07

No it's not, the "left leg" you're seeing in the second photo is her torso. I thought the same at first and took me a minute to work out the angle

Show quote history

Oh, so it is! I had to look and look! And look again!😂

OP, it looks like there is some weeping from under the nappy area. I can see a bit of white, as if it's dried on "salts" if you see what I mean.

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 20:14

People saying it's from a saggy nappy, there is absolutely NO way you can know that for sure, there are lots of ways this could have happened.

Mamette · 29/09/2023 20:12

It’s the same leg in both photos. The mark is on the inner thigh.

DandysWife · 29/09/2023 20:11

My special needs child gets a mark like the one in the first picture. It's normally when his nappy is too full/ heavy and he's been left in it for a prolonged amount of time. It's caused by the friction. He's nearly 6, so we've regularly had this as an issue after he's been at nursery/ school.

SmileyClare · 29/09/2023 20:11

Could this have happened while I was looking after my child- this fails the test

Strangers online cannot determine the cause of a leg sore based on a couple of photos.

My niece had a similar looking rope burn on her leg after her sister and she were mucking about with a skipping rope at home . Sometimes an injury can happen in anyones care.

I agree the nursery should be questioned.

It feels like posters are being judge and jury here and condemning the nursery with very little evidence.

You are being urged to make very serious allegations. I’m not sure posting here is the best way to get answers?

Youngmumss · 29/09/2023 20:11

Oh I can see it, it’s the same place. Definitely from the nappy.
Neglect as they did not change the nappy!

SpringViolet · 29/09/2023 20:10

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:03

Photo two is of a right leg

Both photos are of the left leg! Honestly why do people come on here to derail by arguing about something like that!?

That is definitely chaffing from a saggy nappy OP. They would have seen it when they changed it. I wouldn’t be returning my DC there, they’d be getting an earful and a formal complaint.

SurpriseItsMeHorseyNeighNeigh · 29/09/2023 20:10

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:03

Photo two is of a right leg

JFC, people who are hell bent on finding a fake thread are so annoying. It's quite obviously the same leg and the same area, just different angles.

DunderMifflinInc · 29/09/2023 20:09

Ouch. Poor thing 😕

Dramatic · 29/09/2023 20:07

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:03

Photo two is of a right leg

No it's not, the "left leg" you're seeing in the second photo is her torso. I thought the same at first and took me a minute to work out the angle