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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 29/09/2023 21:07

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 20:59

How the heck does a fully clothed toddler get a carpet burn or rope burn on the inner thigh?? Knees yes, head yes, inner thigh no!

Show quote history

It does depend on her clothing I agree. It’s possible if she had bare legs. I’m in SE England - it’s been very warm the last few days.
Of course it could have been caused by a nappy rubbing. I was simply offering another possible cause.

Regards to the treatment- I’m surprised she wasn’t prescribed an an antibiotic cream to prevent infection as it’s so close to her nappy area.

You can buy topical AB from any pharmacy if it continues weeping over the weekend.

LadyLapsang · 29/09/2023 21:06

@Thanksforreading We all make mistakes or would sometimes do things differently with the power of hindsight. I hope your DD feels better soon.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 21:05

Monty27 · 29/09/2023 18:55

Could she have somehow scratched herself while on the potty?

She didn’t make it onto the potty last night, and because it’s the inner thigh I’ve just taken her potty away last night. She’s at the very beginning of potty training where she just sits on it before her bath, but she’s managed 100% of the times weeing in the bath and not the potty atm 🫣

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 21:00

LadyLapsang · 29/09/2023 20:55

I think you may have inadvertently made things worse by applying the Aloe Vera. I would have kept it dry. If it wasn’t weeping, I would have just exposed it to the air. Given you state it was weeping, I would have applied Melonin with hypoallergenic tape.

I agree with the former GP upthread. I hope the GP has detailed how you treated it to help understand what may have happened.

To people saying could it have happened on my watch? I would add if I were in charge of x number of children in line with the nursery you have chosen. I don’t say that as someone anti-childcare/ women working, I returned to work when DC was 8 months.

@LadyLapsang yes looking back now I would agree with the choice of applying aloe Vera might not have been the best choice, but with what I had it seemed like the best choice when I applied it. Flustered and panic mode. The GP has prescribed us some antiseptic healing cream I believe and I’ve applied with clean hands as she suggested.

OP posts:
Marmite17 · 29/09/2023 20:59

cardibach · 29/09/2023 18:57

It’s much worse in the second picture, so whatever has caused it has continued to happen at home. The first one is virtually nothing.

Agree. Perhaps an allergy or baby has scratched? I wouldn't assume the nursery are to blame.

RandomButtons · 29/09/2023 20:59

SmileyClare · 29/09/2023 19:42

I wouldn’t assume neglect.

Carpet or rope burns do look much worse (and hurt more) after several hours- the skin breaks and they start to weep

It may not have been particularly painful when she did it.

How the heck does a fully clothed toddler get a carpet burn or rope burn on the inner thigh?? Knees yes, head yes, inner thigh no!

saffy2 · 29/09/2023 20:57

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🙄🤦🏽‍♀️ no words.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 20:56

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:34

someone just now mentioned bleach burn - maybe the potties have been bleached and not rinsed properly?

She didn’t even get to sit on her potty yesterday… she’s also not done a wee on the potty ever, she just normally sits on it and does 10% of her wee in the bath at the moment. I just rinse her potty with water twice a week to get rid of the dust from it. She’s literally at the very beginning of potty training of getting use to sitting on it.

OP posts:
confusedmum2023 · 29/09/2023 20:55

No way would not be happy. I work in Special education and that to me looks like he nappy has been rubbing because it hasn’t been changed. I know it’s only one leg but they do hang to one side sometimes when really full. Also I would 100% have phoned the parents regarding the email sent in even just to say it would need to be investigated further. It’s just rude. As a mother myself there is nothing worse than worrying about your child and having to wait for an answer.

LadyLapsang · 29/09/2023 20:55

I think you may have inadvertently made things worse by applying the Aloe Vera. I would have kept it dry. If it wasn’t weeping, I would have just exposed it to the air. Given you state it was weeping, I would have applied Melonin with hypoallergenic tape.

I agree with the former GP upthread. I hope the GP has detailed how you treated it to help understand what may have happened.

To people saying could it have happened on my watch? I would add if I were in charge of x number of children in line with the nursery you have chosen. I don’t say that as someone anti-childcare/ women working, I returned to work when DC was 8 months.

Dolly567 · 29/09/2023 20:49

What item of clothing did she have on?

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 20:49

mincepieandcustard · 29/09/2023 20:47

I work in child protection and that's the kind of wound that gets referred to us and investigated. I'm surprised your doctor hasn't referred it to social care.

@mincepieandcustard we are in London, I don’t think there’s that much social care here, or what I have come across.
it’s good to hear that these kind of wounds gets referred and flagged up to you guys.

OP posts:
Efacsen · 29/09/2023 20:49

Somethingweirdisgoingon · 29/09/2023 19:42

For context this is what happened to my daughter and was the result of being left in a soiled nappy for hours and made to walk in it, it looks very similar to your little one and please don't be talked into thinking it's "not that bad" I had the opinion of two doctors, a solicitor, social services and two police officers, so I can safely say you have every right to pursue this as you see fit.

Oh your poor baby that looks so painful

Beautifulday3 · 29/09/2023 20:48

Do they strap them to chairs at meal times? Could she have got her leg caught? I would say it’s difficult for nursery staff to notice every detail of all the children. Particularly with clothes over the top. I think you would know if she is unhappy to go, that would be a sign of lack of care.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 20:47

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:31

OP some kids have really really sensitive skin. My youngest, if minded by anyone but me or my DM, used to get nappy rash within hours. MIL used to think she was so practised in nappy changes that she could just do it quickly while he lay across her knee. Cursory wipe, no air drying or sudocream. Nappy put back on straight away. He NEEDED laying down on a changing mat, a really thorough clean of his bum, with multiple wipes. Laying there to air dry completely. Then a layer of sudocrem. Every time. If you didn't do this, his nappy area would get really sore so quickly. I'm sure that if he had gone to FT nursery while he was in nappies then he may have ended up with sores like your poor DD. Most children's skin barriers seem to be able to manage but some kids seem to be sensitive to the slightest bit of urine and a bit of chafing. If you then try to make it better by putting the wrong kind of cream on, which doesn't suit their skin, then it may make it a bit worse. As others have said, aloe vera may not be the best thing for some people, I learned recently.

I'd be watching out for infection now too.

@CurlyhairedAssassin oh bless your youngest it’s tough when they are sensitive! Only when you have been through it, you understand it more. Our older has bad eczema and allergies, this DD we have been super lucky, strong skin, no issues, nappy rash only once and that was pure neglect by the nanny at 8 months leaving a poo nappy on for four hours, needless to say she never worked for us again then. ( long story short- I was on a day spa with some friends and ended up in tears for an hour there with mum guilt thinking it was all my fault and it was the first time I had left DD side, not the dads fault either when watching the cat camera back. He was WFM and he clearly comes out asking if DD nappy was changed and baby out right lies about it. Nanny was fantastic infront of me and she had been once a week with us from DD four months old)

yes aloe might not have been the best thing but she was so upset I was just freaking out last night. Panicking and flustered, aloe seemed like the best choice when I threw everything out of the medicine draw.

when I checked her inner thigh before bedtime it’s healing and completely scabbed over now, so hopefully fingers crossed we have missed infection. I’ve been applying some antiseptic healing cream three times today from the doctors, it seems to be helping.

OP posts:
mincepieandcustard · 29/09/2023 20:47

I work in child protection and that's the kind of wound that gets referred to us and investigated. I'm surprised your doctor hasn't referred it to social care.

SpringViolet · 29/09/2023 20:47

If it was a very full nappy chafing her leg, which is the most likely explanation, they should have noticed the redness when they took the heavy one off and finally changed her before she was collected.

So in no way ‘accidental’ in my book and no way will they admit to it!

IwishIdidntlikesugar · 29/09/2023 20:43

Sorry if i have missed this but how was she when you collected her and walked home?

MyCircumference · 29/09/2023 20:42

i imagine it is some sort of play equipment

Solonge · 29/09/2023 20:40

It is neglect if they don’t ‘notice’. They are paid to care. The child is unlikely to have not said ouchy or cry, I would be mighty pissed.

Bertiesmum3 · 29/09/2023 20:37

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 19:33

Oh bless him! I think most children do things us adults would never understand, but you must of been told that he was rubbing his forehead on the carpet for you to know. I am more upset with no one telling us what has happened and at pick up they said she was very happy. It was a great day and we live only four minutes away from nursery and she travels in a yo-yo pram which is very padded and loose strapping around the area. I mean even if nursery said she climbed and had an accident, I would of been sure yes fine, it’s the lack to knowledge

Show quote history

ma your child never let the nursery know she hurt herself,!one of my daughters is the biggest wimp going, but never told nursery/ school she had hurt herself

OliveWah · 29/09/2023 20:37

I agree it looks like a friction burn caused by leaving a wet nappy on for too long. When I was reading your OP @Thanksforreading, I thought of the thread that @Somethingweirdisgoingon posted recently and the pictures do appear to be similarly placed on the thigh. I would definitely keep your DD away from that nursery until you have a satisfactory conversation with them. I hope she's not in too much pain and it all heals quickly.

Tempone · 29/09/2023 20:35

My son goes into the sea, and the sand causes him a terrible rash in along his groin, if you put on the wrong cream on its agony.
I just mean you have no idea how this was caused, don't go in all guns blazing. Ask to see a nappy change log, ask to see cctv and confirm nappy change times.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/09/2023 20:34

someone just now mentioned bleach burn - maybe the potties have been bleached and not rinsed properly?

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 29/09/2023 20:34

It looks to me as if something has rubbed her leg (possibly a nappy, possibly her leg moving on a trike, possibly a buggy strap, possibly something else entirely). She wasn’t crying when you picked her up, and gave no indication that she was in any pain until she wanted the potty, so why would you think the nursery staff should have known about it? She was wearing trousers and showing no signs of discomfort.
I would say that the initial injury has been irritated by whatever has been used to treat it, possibly the aloe Vera, my DD is allergic to it and had a nasty reaction to when she got sunburnt a couple of years ago.
I certainly don’t think it constitutes “neglect”, just make sure you get something to treat it that she is not allergic to and hopefully it will heal really soon.