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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this neglect?

263 replies

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 18:19

So DD has been attending this nursery for well over a year and we have never had a problem till last night. She is 2 years old.

I picked her up from nursery as usual (Thursday 5.45pm), and run her bath, take off her clothes and get her to sit on her potty. Before she sits on her potty she touches her thigh and says “ouchie” and “help me” so I have a look and I notice a red mark on her inner thigh! (Photo one) I was a bit shocked, but told her it was okay, and decided not to give her a bath but just a quick shower down instead. She then tells me “itchy” she’s got very limited words, so when she tells me itchy I was a bit confused as well, still not too sure what to make of it but I dress her and email nursery about my concerns. (6.30pm)
Husband gets back, and he looks, sends over a very strong email to nursery. By 7.30pm her mark is looking 100% like a burn mark from friction and it’s weeping hard, we just clean it a bit and pop aloe Vera on it, DD is super upset with lots tears and telling us “pain”
We have woken up to (photo 2) this morning to darken area of the weeping area. Nursery has replied this morning with an email saying they will investigate and give them day to get back to us.
No courtesy call nothing not even an apology or sorry to hear that this has happened, just they will investigate. Nursery closes at 6 pm.
I’ve managed to book our DD in with the doctors and they have confirmed with a written document, confirming it is a friction burn. I’ve given them till 530Pm and have tried calling them three times and no one has picked up and the voice message box is also full. I feel like my daughter has been at the hands of neglect now, and it is now a Friday evening, so this will be left till Monday morning at least. Am I being unreasonable or am I just asking for too much? This is a private nursery and we pay £94 a day for childcare.

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 30/09/2023 08:00

user1492757084 · 30/09/2023 03:31

Does the play area have any strings or ropes on pull along toys? The kids could have pulled that over her leg or pulled it while she was seated on the rope.
Would the kids have tugged fabric or dress ups in a similar manner? Could she have been riding a hobby horse and another child pulled it from her?
I am trying to brain storm how the friction burn could have got there.
If it were not a friction burn could it have been a spider bite that has gradually become more angry?

Poor little thing. What does your daughter say happened?

@user1492757084 thank you for all the suggestions, I think we could of narrowed it down to their long walk with wet nappy on Thursday afternoon. Her nursery app says lunch 12-1215pm and nap 12.45-2pm so at the moment I’m just waiting for nursery to call or email for Monday to see what they say now. X

OP posts:
Original poster
Thanksforreading · 30/09/2023 07:54

Efacsen · 30/09/2023 07:37

Yep made me smile too

Show quote history

@Fallingthroughclouds @Efacsen
We requested for her keyworker to move up to toddler room because the two other toddlers she was looking after also moved up to toddler room over the pass month. The babies the keyworker now has are also new to her so it’s not a completely unreasonable request and not entitled when I’ve asked and requested, especially when her new key worker has essentially not been great at looking after my toddler. Either way I will be asking for a new keyworker to be working with my DD, I really don’t think it’s entitled especially when we are paying for a service and the standard with this new keyworker doesn’t seem to meet requirements.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 30/09/2023 07:47

Fallingthroughclouds · 30/09/2023 07:06

You've requested her keyworker moves rooms. Wow just wow, you don't run the nursery and your daughter isn't the only one there. What about the other children this keyworker looks after? Entitled much?

Show quote history

Do you know what? With demand for nursery places as high as that I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the nursery asks her to take her child somewhere else. That’s an unbelievable level of entitlement and over reaction.

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 30/09/2023 07:45

Thanks for everyone’s comments, you guys are amazing! Nursery did say and I quote “they went for a long walk in the afternoon” when I picked her up on Thursday. I would have never thought a heavy or full nappy would have made a so much friction causing this.

Looking at it this morning it’s completely scabbed over, and it’s healing well. Once nursery has been in contact with what they say I will drop you guys all an update!
I do feel way much more at peace with everything that has happened, and I can stop guessing what happened to my child.

Is this neglect?
OP posts:
Efacsen · 30/09/2023 07:37

Fallingthroughclouds · 30/09/2023 07:06

You've requested her keyworker moves rooms. Wow just wow, you don't run the nursery and your daughter isn't the only one there. What about the other children this keyworker looks after? Entitled much?

Show quote history

Yep made me smile too

Original poster
Thanksforreading · 30/09/2023 07:36

Basketofbobbins · 30/09/2023 07:26

The fact that it went from innocuous red mark to open sore in that timeframe actually suggests it was done shortly before you noticed it doesn’t it? Rather than something that had been building up all day?

@Basketofbobbins the sores went from weeping and oozing to scabbing from first photo to second photo…

OP posts:
Basketofbobbins · 30/09/2023 07:26

The fact that it went from innocuous red mark to open sore in that timeframe actually suggests it was done shortly before you noticed it doesn’t it? Rather than something that had been building up all day?

Fallingthroughclouds · 30/09/2023 07:06

Thanksforreading · 29/09/2023 23:12

@SmileyClare thanks for that! I’m pretty calm, was completely flustered and panic mode yesterday. Yes, we are based in London and most nurseries have a six months to a year waiting time.

I pray they call for Monday, it’s very frustrating when there is a lack of communication, if they even just called today before the weekend and just explained they are still speaking to all the staff I would of been happy that they are trying to deal with the situation.
Shes just moved rooms and keyworker, she still runs to her old keyworker, we have requested if her keyworker can move rooms instead of moving all the toddlers up to a new keyworker.

You've requested her keyworker moves rooms. Wow just wow, you don't run the nursery and your daughter isn't the only one there. What about the other children this keyworker looks after? Entitled much?

user1492757084 · 30/09/2023 03:31

Could it be a bitefrom another child?

user1492757084 · 30/09/2023 03:31

Does the play area have any strings or ropes on pull along toys? The kids could have pulled that over her leg or pulled it while she was seated on the rope.
Would the kids have tugged fabric or dress ups in a similar manner? Could she have been riding a hobby horse and another child pulled it from her?
I am trying to brain storm how the friction burn could have got there.
If it were not a friction burn could it have been a spider bite that has gradually become more angry?

Poor little thing. What does your daughter say happened?

MaryJanesonabreak · 30/09/2023 02:52

There was a thread a few days ago about a nursery child going on a walk with an unchanged nappy and having a fresh one one on to go home. They had a very similar injury and an equally alarmed parent.

RogersOrganismicProcess · 30/09/2023 02:33

There was a nearly identical thread a few weeks ago but the op’s pictures were timed to delete after a short time.

The mark in that case, was as a result of a heavily soiled nappy that should have been changed pre-walk but hasn’t been. The nappy and contents rubbed and burned the poor child’s thighs as they walked. Afaik, the child was removed from nursery and it was considered to be neglect.

SquirrelFeeder · 30/09/2023 01:36

I can assure you there very much IS social care in London!

SmileyClare · 30/09/2023 01:34

Sorry, “withOUT” angry accusations “ that’s supposed to say!

jesshop · 30/09/2023 01:28

mincepieandcustard · 29/09/2023 20:47

I work in child protection and that's the kind of wound that gets referred to us and investigated. I'm surprised your doctor hasn't referred it to social care.

I was thinking the same, it's a red flag area. I'd never send her back.

SmileyClare · 30/09/2023 01:22

Canisaysomething · 30/09/2023 00:20

The photos or the cause don’t matter. What matters is your tiny child has an injury that you have noticed that is bad enough to warrant a GP appointment. Raise it with the nursery manager asap on Monday face to face if you can and go from there. If I’d taken my children to nursery with that mark and not mentioned it I would have got a call from nursery.

Of course the cause and the timeframe the injury developed is relevant.

The nursery are not accountable if the sore was caused by an allergic reaction to a chemical or a bacterial infection, or if a friction burn occurred at home.

Its overdramatic to insinuate abuse.

It seems likely the nursery are at fault- likely that they failed to change a wet or loose nappy or failed to notice wet clothing that could rub. Babies/ toddlers have sensitive skin that’s easily damaged.

it does appear that prior to this, there were no issues with dd’s care or well being despite attending since a baby.

It’s worth keeping some perspective.

The nursery absolutely need to address your report. Op should be able to get answers with angry accusations or allegations at this point.

WhichEllie · 30/09/2023 01:13

@Thanksforreading
That’s 100% a rub mark from the walk they did, probably because of a full nappy as others have mentioned. As a child I used to get the exact same rub marks on my inner thighs whenever I went up to the next size in wetsuits. The new ones would be slightly big and would rub raw wounds into my legs. Just to warn you, it will scab more and look even worse than it does now and then the scabs will peel in a week or two. Try to keep her from picking them if you can, they tend to bleed. Other than that use some antibiotic cream while they’re raw like that.

Really sorry that she’s had to experience that so young, the rubs are really painful when they’re fresh. I can’t understand why nurseries think they need to take two year olds out on big walks, it just causes problems at that age. I hope they get back to you with a satisfactory answer.

lucyhadness1996 · 30/09/2023 01:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

mickybarrysmum · 30/09/2023 00:37

Hi my son had this exact burn once and it was because he'd rated mango at nursery then pood. The nappy was new but the poo was fairly runny and where it had leaked and ran n a bit the nappy had rubbed his leg whisky I was getting him home.
He'd had an allergic reaction and the poo had basically burnt his thing whilst sat in the pram. Sounds far fetched but it looked iidentical.

Canisaysomething · 30/09/2023 00:20

The photos or the cause don’t matter. What matters is your tiny child has an injury that you have noticed that is bad enough to warrant a GP appointment. Raise it with the nursery manager asap on Monday face to face if you can and go from there. If I’d taken my children to nursery with that mark and not mentioned it I would have got a call from nursery.

FlopsSake · 30/09/2023 00:07

£94 a day? Bloody hell

Tumbleweed101 · 30/09/2023 00:07

Looks very sore.
My guess from your OP (haven’t read whole thread) would be that if they went for a walk the nappy was either full or her clothing got wet and allowed the nappy to rub. One of my children got a similar mark when wellies rubbed her leg once - obviously not as high up but was also quite sore for a few days.

I hope the nursery are able to clarify soon for you.

Mumstheword93 · 30/09/2023 00:06

I would be livid and extremely concerned, any mark on the inner thigh is a big red flag. Any body map of abuse will tell you this.

The fact they are not taking this seriously is also a huge red flag. Aswell as ignoring phone calls. I wouldn't be sending her back until they can explain what happened. For me as a parent them avoiding my calls after rasing a concern would break my trust.

Any mark near or around the genital area would have me seething.

My advice to you is to take it further.

Motherofjessie · 29/09/2023 23:55

Could it be a bite from an insect or spider - just with the redness the day before then it going into a sore? Or even a wasp sting? Have you been to GP or out of hours as I think I would have it logged.

Gillbil · 29/09/2023 23:49

That's horrible. I hope she and youtwo feel better soon.
Completely agree, they should have noticed. Could it have been from a full unchanged nappy? Either kids are very good at let you know how they feel, I can't believe she wouldn't have been in discomfort before getting home