To struggle in group situations

I think you're possibly over analysing the situation and were comparing yourself to the girl you sat next to too much.
Next time chat to some of the other girls there and enjoy listening if someone takes the limelight. friendships can take awhile to build.
As long as you're friendly and engage you're doing all you can! Don't put pressure on yourself.

I have social anxiety and I am my own worst enemy.

Anyway I am giving it another go.

Glad to hear it!

Yes, maybe next time you can move to the other women. In a group setting, there will always be certain people you get along with better than others. I always get along with people who read, for instance.

And they weren't waiting to take the photo without you. We always take photos at the end of the meet. Whoever sticks around is in the photo.

I said I wasn't spoken to by them unless I spoke to them first.

Nobody speaks to me either until I speak to them first. I am not waiting around for that. I just speak first.

OK. I'm quite quiet. I find group situations difficult and I am the quiet person.

But I never feel 'left out'. I prefer other people to take the lead and I can to react/respond to them. If you're laughing, bright and appear to be enjoying yourself, people will eventually talk to you too. It's just easier with people who are naturally more outgoing because they are leading it.

What I wil say is that there is a difference between people who are naturally quiet and those who have created an internal narrative assuming others are ignoring them/are 'better' than them etc. Your posts are quite negative which might be understandable if you are feeling down thinking about it right now but that negativity can be perceptible to others.

Your assumption that they'd waited until you'd gone before taking a photo rather than the more natural assumption that they were taken at the end of the meet suggests that maybe you weren't as relaxed and natural during the meet as them. Esp as you ended up on your phone.

As the quiet person, I've also been targeted by the 'negative' quiet person in the group and I don't want to talk to them either. But a quiet person who is engaged and still enjoying it - not a problem.

I would think about how you are perceived by others. It's not about giving the quiet person a chance. It's about everyone being there because they want to enjoy themselves.

If the group was set up with the primary intention of making friends, then it does make sense that people gravitated to the louder woman. The others probably thought that she would know other people and maybe if she was being entertaining with the voices it took the pressure off them to come up with stories, chat etc. It was rude of someone to have their back to you, but also if you then went on your phone they probably thought you’d checked out of the conversation. I’m fascinated by the behaviour of humans in groups, when they don’t know the other people. There must be some evolutionary thing going on, where certain people are more attractive socially (not me!)

Op rationalise it. You really think 7 women got together to decide to take pictures and post as soon as you left? And how did they know you were going to leave early? More likely they took photos towards the end of the evening and posted that. Don't be your own worst enemy. Go and try again only if you feel this is worthy of making a friendship out of and if it doesn't work out, don't feel bad.

I am in several such Meetups as am also looking to make new friends. To be honest, I find certain shy people very hard work ( not you necessarily), even when given a chance.

I arrived at the table early to find a woman sat there, also early. I asked her about her work, if she had come far, what she thought of a book mentioned on the group, how her summer was... I got only yes or no answers. No eye contact. She didn;t ask me anything. Then she went on her phone! So I gave up, and when the others arrived, I talked only to them and she was left out.

If you want people to be interested in you, you have to be interested in them too..

Are you actively participating in the WhatsApp conversations?
Maybe mention that you were a bit quiet / shy meeting them last time and that you'd like to get to know everyone better this time

It's a lottery with friendships no more than anything else. It helps if you go to groups etc with similar interests but not neccessarily a gaurantee either. But you might end up great mates with someone you chatted with at Tesco. You really never know.

What did they order that made you think your finances are so different?

Friendship takes time @Ladiesleaveyourmenathome

You can’t just go along to a meet-up and expect to have an instantaneous, close group of mates.

I’m sure you know this on some level.

It takes time to build up a friendship. You have to get to know people, and they have to get to know you. There is no fast track.

But it’s absolutely worth it, in the end.

Totally feel your pain there! But turn it on its head, you go out, you're not the antisocial person who won't go out etc so i would imagine nobody notices that you only have one drink. I reckon you're just over analysing a bit.

Please don’t look at your phone in a group situation!

That absolutely would have put them off you.

I’m naturally quiet until I get to know people.

I like others being the livelier ones in group situations, as it keeps things flowing and takes the heat off me!

By all means write off this group before you’ve even given them a chance. The only person losing out will be you.

And the photo would have just been taken at the end of the event - of course it would have. Nothing to do with you not being there.

YANBU for struggling but you're probably overthinking/incorrectly ascribing intentions to normal behaviour. Most people are self absorbed (not in a bad way, but living in their own heads iyswim). I totally overthink/am too sensitive, i find it's gotten less so as i've gotten older.