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AIBU?

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Original poster

Returning from business trip.

32 replies

stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 09:29

Sorry to post about something so personal. (Sex topic warning). Just wondering if others would find it strange if your DH hadn't shown an interest in sex for close to a week after returning from a business trip he'd been on for three weeks? He's been tired, I get that, so I just accept he has fallen asleep early the last four nights. I'm not bothered about the sex but am now feeling a bit put out because he's decided to take himself to his sporting activity, which will mean he's not up for it another day at least. He has the energy for that but doesn't have an interest in reunion sex? AIBU to feel a bit rejected here?

OP posts:
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MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:59

“I haven't moaned and haven't asked. It was more the sudden running off to exercise, knowing that would make it impossible, that said something. Never mind. It'll happen when it happens”

Not sure of your ages but there does come a time when maintaining regular exercise takes precedence.

MaryMcCarthy · 25/09/2023 11:48

You could either a) talk to him

or b) post about it on here and have loads of strangers accusing him of cheating.

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:47

Megifer · 25/09/2023 11:41

Tbh op id be absolutely shattered after a 3 week business trip. Its knackering enough having to be "on form" for a 2 hour meeting, but 3 weeks? I'd be a bit peed off if DP started moaning that I wasn't up for sex less than a week after getting back (3 weeks of being needed to be on form constantly and then DP needing attention too? 😩), but tbf I don't get the "reunion sex" thing so appreciate that's just me!

I haven't moaned and haven't asked. It was more the sudden running off to exercise, knowing that would make it impossible, that said something. Never mind. It'll happen when it happens.

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Toottooot · 25/09/2023 11:42

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

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My husband regularly works away for more than 3 weeks at a time. Just because you don’t think it happens doesn’t mean you’re right 💁🏻‍♀️

Megifer · 25/09/2023 11:41

Tbh op id be absolutely shattered after a 3 week business trip. Its knackering enough having to be "on form" for a 2 hour meeting, but 3 weeks? I'd be a bit peed off if DP started moaning that I wasn't up for sex less than a week after getting back (3 weeks of being needed to be on form constantly and then DP needing attention too? 😩), but tbf I don't get the "reunion sex" thing so appreciate that's just me!

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:37

@cruffinsmuffin That sounds like a reasonable summary. You're likely right.

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cruffinsmuffin · 25/09/2023 11:35

Honestly after three weeks he's probably knackered and trying to get back into the swing of things. If he's falling asleep every night you can see for yourself he's not just doing it to avoid you - he's actually exhausted.

If you're not having the most sex anyway, it's perhaps not top of his list to half arse it when he's knackered? Perhaps waiting for a time when you're both relaxed?

I can understand why is bothering you a bit, but I think perhaps give it a bit more time (especially if there's a lot of time zone travel involved!) and try to initiate this week when you're both well rested?

ButWhatAboutTheBees · 25/09/2023 11:33

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.

Do you always make massive leaps to the worst case scenario?

OP made no indication she thought it was anything else other than a business trip and had been clear that this is normal.

Business trips can last more than 3 days. Not everyone is Zoom obsessed, there is still place for in face. Plus site visits, large conferences, if its a trade it might be a long job...

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:31

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

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It's usually 5-7 days tops. There was a special reason for it to be three weeks this time and it makes sense. It's as simple as delayed business after reduced Covid period travel and catching up. Now that this one has been completed, it should be back to the regular schedule.

OP posts:
McIntire · 25/09/2023 11:30

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

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I would rather be naive than ignorant.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:29

Wasn’t me suggesting he was up to anything dubious. Sorry, should have bolded what I was commenting on.
I think he was just tired.

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:27

Madamwahselle · 25/09/2023 11:24

Maybe he's waiting for you to initiate it? You said yourself you aren't bothered so maybe he's picked up on those vibes

I suppose I'm bothered a little, or there wouldn't be this thread. I haven't been concerned up till he decided he had the energy for his sport as he has been struggling to stay awake evenings. I would have initiated but I don't think he'd have been able to keep his eyes open.

OP posts:
Madamwahselle · 25/09/2023 11:24

Maybe he's waiting for you to initiate it? You said yourself you aren't bothered so maybe he's picked up on those vibes

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 11:24

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:20

Sueveneers · Today 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.”

There’s always one.

I know why it was three weeks and I know where he was and what he was doing. This is not my concern. I'm also not concerned he had jet lag and didn't want it immediately. I'm just puzzled he had the energy to go sporting and prioritised that.

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Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:23

HJ40 · 25/09/2023 11:21

ODFOD. Plenty of industries require lengthy and entirely legitimate trips. Not everyone works at a computer.

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For 3 weeks? I doubt it. Maybe in the 1970s. But not these days. You might be naive, but not all of us are. so DFOD yourself.

HJ40 · 25/09/2023 11:21

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.

ODFOD. Plenty of industries require lengthy and entirely legitimate trips. Not everyone works at a computer.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 11:20

Sueveneers · Today 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.”

There’s always one.

Sueveneers · 25/09/2023 11:19

Away on a business trip. And doesn't want sex after being away (3 week business trip? What business would require him being away for 3 weeks? Especially with zoom - 3 days I can understand) for three weeks? Hmmmmm

Sorry OP, but I'd be wondering if it really was a 'business trip', and regardless, what (or rather who) he was doing on those 3 weeks.

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:46

McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:44

If he’s not been able to run or exercise whilst he’s been away I can see why he would be keen to get back to that tbh

He ran while away. He always does.

Never mind, I'm over it. It'll resume when we get around to it.

OP posts:
McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:44

If he’s not been able to run or exercise whilst he’s been away I can see why he would be keen to get back to that tbh

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:36

McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:36

Jet lag is a bugger.
It’s not like you have loads of sex anyway.

I’m interested in which sport causes that problem.
Obviously not golf 😂

He runs marathon distances. It's a known thing that can happen. Lowers testosterone, or something like that.

OP posts:
McIntire · 25/09/2023 10:36

Jet lag is a bugger.
It’s not like you have loads of sex anyway.

I’m interested in which sport causes that problem.
Obviously not golf 😂

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:35

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 10:33

I’d probably be pretty knackered after a 3 week business trip. Can’t you just ask him?

I haven't because I think he's a bit stressed, so don't want to add t it because he'll feel criticised if I ask, no matter how nicely.

I was just feeling a bit rejected because he took it off the table by his actions. I thought when he got his energy back, he might be interested in reconnecting. I'm probably just being a bit sensitive and it means nothing. I just wondered if others would feel similarly or if I'm off base really.

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/09/2023 10:33

I’d probably be pretty knackered after a 3 week business trip. Can’t you just ask him?

Original poster
stupidpostiamsure · 25/09/2023 10:32

Lochroy · 25/09/2023 10:31

God that sounds so crude seeing it written down, sorry, I just think it's relevant as to whether this is fairly normal timing or not. Are your expectations unusually higher because he's been away?

It's normal for us to have reunion sex, so to speak. Maybe not the first couple of nights because he's tired, which I understand.

I think he might be a bit stressed in general, so maybe that's it?

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