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Original poster

To hand back sweets given to child?

84 replies

BoyMamma2 · 21/09/2023 21:33

I have 2 children and a friend of my ex partner has 2 that are close in age. The two oldest get on well and are very similar. Since I’ve had my second I’ve felt the mum has been quite dismissive of him. She will encourage her two to play with my oldest but never my youngest son. As my youngest has got older he’s started to notice he’s left out.
i try to say things like all play together etc but she never backs me up.
last week we met and up her oldest excitedly gave me oldest a lollipop. My youngest (5) asked if he had one but turns out the mum had bought 3, two for her children and my oldest: there was no explanation to why and she didn’t seem to care she’d excluded one child. My oldest was confused and my youngest quite upset. She knew he’d be there.

I took the lolly and thanked her son but said we couldn’t accept as it’s unfair on his brother.

My children’s father says i should have just left it and accepted it. What would you have done?

OP posts:
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Tigermearns · 27/09/2023 13:27

Honestly my red flag alarm went up. My brain went straight to she's trying to purposely create a relationship with the older boy in hope that one of the boys (hers or your eldest) suggest an unsupervised playdate. Younger one is probably seen more of a liability with trying to keep secrets etc esp if dad just happens to turn up to the playdate.

Lucyh999 · 25/09/2023 13:23

Underestimated4 · 23/09/2023 14:25

Maybe her parenting involves not allowing her kids at 5 to have lollipops so that’s why. Although it does seem harsh.

Her kid is 5 and she got him
one.

ThinWomansBrain · 24/09/2023 16:15

although they're all involved in the same club/activity, presumably handing out of lollipops (or not) - is after the club has ended?
Knock that on the head, collect your children and disappear, don't make time for her.

WhereYouLeftIt · 24/09/2023 16:05

"At the time of the lollipop I tried to say something but she busied herself in her handbag, trying her best to avoid eye contact."

So she knows she's being a total cunt Angry.

Your plan to avoid her sounds like your best option. This "friend of [your] ex partner" sounds to me as if she's cut from the same cloth as him, under instruction from him, or shagging him. Whatever, her behaviour is appalling and you don't want her messing with your children's heads.

Katbum · 24/09/2023 09:57

Just outright ask her ‘you seem to lace dc out on purpose, it’s not very nice for him and I’m trying to understand why. For example, not bringing him a lollipop, expecting your yo ds to be invited to oldest’s birthday but not vice versa. Is there something going on I need to be aware of?’

TrulyScrumptious22 · 24/09/2023 08:00

Ask her why she's doing that. It's weird. If she gives you a reason talk it it through and if it can be resolved great and if not end the friendship, it's not a real friendship anyway is it. If you feel you can't talk to her just phase her out, you can't let you son be treated like that , awful woman

LT1982 · 23/09/2023 21:46

She's mean and cruel. How could anyone exclude an innocent child

Original poster
BoyMamma2 · 23/09/2023 21:39

We’re not friends . I only see her at the club where the boys inevitably walk out to the car together and have a play. Prior to lollipop I tried to hang back to avoid the walk (because I felt bad for my son being left out) and they waited. The party invite was given out by my ex . This year neither of her children have been invited as I couldn’t face last years dilemma again .

At the time of the lollipop I tried to say something but she busied herself in her handbag, trying her best to avoid eye contact. My youngest was crying by then so we left with a promise to get sweets at home.

I've since saw her at the club but sat in another area. We left with another parent and her kids didn’t run after us like usual so assuming she told them not to. Next week we’ve found another place to park so will head in a different direction.

chalking up to bad experience.

OP posts:
Howtosolveit · 23/09/2023 21:21

You were right to hand the lolly back. Now stop treating her as a friend, just be courteous at the club. And don't waste anymore time thinking about it.

LardoBurrows · 23/09/2023 21:04

Well done on handing back the lollipop.

The women is a bitch ignoring and leaving out one child and your ex is completely wrong. I'm sure you know you can completely ignore your ex's opinion on anything related to parenting given that he is only allowed supervised access to his DC due to domestic violence and is obviously a complete failure at being a partner and parent. Just limit contact with the woman outside of the activity and keep on challenging any unacceptable behaviour from her.

mysocksarehaunted · 23/09/2023 21:00

I'd just pull back from an active friendship and avoid contact outside the activity. Be polite and friendly when you see her there, but just don't ask her for any meet ups or playdates and make excuses if she asks you. I don't really think there's any point challenging her. People often have weird quirks and attitudes, and are rarely open minded/have the lack of ego enough to say, 'oh yes, sorry that was weird/rude of me, you are right'. You have repeated experience of her excluding your youngest and if challenged she will probably just get defensive and deny it or say you are overreacting.

di2004 · 23/09/2023 20:43

Sounds like hard work, I would give her a wide berth! x

LT1982 · 23/09/2023 20:36

You're very much missing the point

Dramatic · 23/09/2023 20:34

BoyMamma2 · 22/09/2023 09:25

Children are 8&5. Same as her kids. I don’t plan to see her but kids have a weekly club together - 2 oldest and 2 youngest are together. My ex and I aren’t on good terms due to DV and I’ve always found it odd she stuck by him but we’ve never openly discussed it . I do wonder if he’s meddled in some way but at the end of the day they’re innocent kids

There was a situation last year when her oldest had a party and only my oldest invited. Didn’t bother me as they are good friends. A few months later I had a party for my older son and invited her oldest child. She replied to ask why younger son not asked. I was stunned - she didn’t ask my younger one so why would I ask her one? She seems very keen for the 3 boys to be besties.

Did you not say to her that you didn't think the younger boys would be invited to the older ones since your 5yo wasn't invited to her older ones party?

Meeting · 23/09/2023 20:32

She's a natsy cow and I'd have to tell her that her behaviour is unacceptable.

HelpMeUnpickThis · 23/09/2023 20:28

I would HAVE to ask her directly why she is doing this! It’s so outrageously mean.

Gymmum82 · 23/09/2023 20:16

If she’s your friend can you not say to her ‘look I like hanging out with you but I can’t keep doing it if you’re going to keep excluding my youngest child. Either they play together or not at all’
I would have said at the time of the lolly incident ‘jeez that’s tight. You only brought 3?’ Then waited for a response

agent765 · 23/09/2023 20:07

What kind of woman would treat a child she knows like that?

You're best off not bothering with her.

Darkmode2 · 23/09/2023 20:04

FootprintsOnTheCeiling · 22/09/2023 06:17

I’d be glad she hadn’t given my 5 year old a lollipop, and I would have said no to my older child. Cavities on a stick.

🙄

Tinkerbyebye · 23/09/2023 20:02

I would not be carrying on seeing them

JMaggs93 · 23/09/2023 19:35

My gosh I'd have done the same but would push the point more and ask her why she is excluding your youngest son. It's not unreasonable of you to ask. Also, I would be looking to ending this 'friendship' as she seems vile. I'd be questioning the children's father on why he thinks that is acceptable, too. Makes you wonder what his mindset is when he has his children and this woman is hanging around. This would definitely get my back up.

Imisssleep2 · 23/09/2023 19:34

I would stop meeting with this friend that was so unfair to the younger child, it's mean and an adult should know better!

I would prob have done the same in your shoes and then taken them both to a sweet shop after to choose a sweet to make up for her behaviour

momonpurpose · 23/09/2023 18:33

She is not your friend. I would message her exactly why you are ending the friendship block her and move on

thescab · 23/09/2023 18:12

Do not pull your kids from the club!

Why would you do that, and how would you explain it to your children?

Your kids aren't the problem, so don't let them be the ones to lose out.

There's no excusing what's she's done.

LizBennet · 23/09/2023 17:43

Aah no that’s mean, I’d have done the same.
My mum was a childminder and one of the girls mum would pick her up after work and would bring sweets for her and my sisters aged 7 and 9 but said I was too old for them at 11 😭😂

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