Does this mean he is cheating?

It’s disgusting at best and well the affair bit - clearly thinking of her and not his wife and kids - have you screen-hotted or forwarded the video to yourself - I would as insurance and then confront him - see what he has to say for himself - defensive or gloss over it whilst I’m carrying his children - would be a deal breaker

God that is the truth washing his pants cooking his food all that

*Real answers

Sorry for typos! Where has edit button gone eek

*rest of your life

So sorry this is happening to you 😔 he really is the lowest of the low doing this when you're pregnant and i could probably forgive the wanking video this is somehow not been made for her (unlikely but possible) but if he's been flirting cheating anything while pregnant I could never forgive that level of disrespect ever ever ever.
I definitely agree to keep checking his phone daily and monitor messages and pictures etc. because you will have questions for test of your like and now is the only chance to get feel answers. He will always lie and deny at least go some degree. So try see for yourself.

Then I love the idea of confronting his with an eery level of calmness!

I just wanted to add that I also love idea of adding Face ID for full access however I have found before when I have added my husbands finger print to my iPhone (we happily share) it's made me re login to all my internet banking apps (removed finger print ID until I re login fully one time). I'm assuming something similar might happen with Face ID. So just a word of caution about that as could alert him. So maybe snoop elsewhere a fair bit first just in case that gives game away

Are you insane?

I think the advice to leave immediately when she has toddlers and is pregnant with twins is not good advice. Why should she move out and scrape by on less money while looking after 4 kids under 4 with two being newborns? It would be much better to wait till she's had the babies and had a chance to recover and made a concerted effort to get them to sleep through the night. If she can put a little money aside during this time that would be all the better.

Your husband trusts you enough to have you use his phone.
As uncomfortable as it is, you need to ask him the question about what you saw ASAP. Tackle it at the right time and with sensitivity, but soon.

Whatever is happening (or not) is happening and you need to understand the reality and confront the issue..

Sorry OP, I don't have any helpful advice but just want to say before you mentioned the last parts, even reading their "friendly innocent" exchanges must have been difficult, it's awful when your partner/spouse is friends with a female like you described. I have been in the same situation and never say anything as I was advised once that as soon as you show jealousy, it puts men off.

If he turns out to be cheating, you deserve better, and she's not stunning, you're carrying his twins ffs and this is what he does. Women like this deserve men like this. And I know it's probably the last thing on your mind as you haven't crossed this bridge yet but there really are men out there who deserve you better than this selfish cheat. They do exist and you can be happy again. Leave this selfish "man." Sorry x

He's cheating, OP. I'm so sorry.

Yes I have fancied people. I am married. No, I've never wanted to receive a video of that sort. I would be even less keen to receive one from a colleague with small children and a pregnant wife.

I have male married colleagues that I have worked with for years. Those "innocent" messages seem far too intimate for a mere work relationshipship. There is such a thing as boundaries and I'd never give anybody expectations that I was looking for more than a friendly collegial relationship. On the odd occasion I have contacted people outside workhours it has always been about an urgent work matter.

Sorry you're going through this OP. It's good you have access to his phone. I think you need to keep quiet and amass evidence.

To those who can't imagine anyone would like a wank video - have you never fancied someone?? The mind boggles at the shelteredness of some perspectives.

I would keep schtum for a few weeks, keep checking his phone and look out for anything suspicious. Then I would drop in to conversation one day ‘who is xxxxx?’ You’ll catch him off guard. See what he says, but he’ll know you know. Then perhaps remind him you are carrying his two children while he’s wanking over other women.

I was in this exact situation 7 months ago (pregnant with a 1 year old, a 3 year old and a cheating husband) and am now getting divorced.

First of all, do NOT listen to people telling you to LTB if you find out he is cheating because now is not the time. If you're a stay at home Mum you're going to be very vulnerable financially if you split now. Also, going to court for custody of a baby is heartbreaking.

Don't have sex with him again, get tested for STDs and a smear test a couple of months after giving birth. Start taking cash out of your joint account and hiding money just in case (you might need it to see lawyers behind his back).

Do NOT confront him without more évidence and even then I wouldn't bother because he's very unlikely to be truthful. Download an app on his phone that restores all texts (i've done this before). If you have enough money to do so hire a private détective as proof you're not going mad and he's doing the dirty. If you get proof, out him if you file for divorce so he's forced to come clean to everyone. The shame of it should make him more reasonable when it comes to things like spousal support/maintenance/custody.

Tell your family and friends what's going on so you have a support network in place and can start making an exit plan if necessary.

The best time to leave is when the twins are 1 year old so you're out of the postpartum period and can go back to work if necessary.

I hope this is a big misunderstanding but it doesn't sound good.

You at least have a window in to what is going via his phone but just that vid and him wanking off to the thought of her when it's you washing his pants would be the end for me in any case. The detail is neither here nor there. Let her have this prince among men.

Yes, I was wondering about this. I’d hate dor a man to send me videos of him wanking. Is this honestly a thing?

Check his recently deleted photos and the “hidden” folder, if he has an iPhone. You need to unlock it with Face ID, but seeing as you already know his passcode, you can go into Settings > Face ID & Passcode > Set Up Alternative Appearance.

Then you’ll be able to access those locked folders with your own face.

If you find anything, air drop it to yourself - and absolutely confront him about this.

*amechange
@TheBrazies Do you know any of his co-workers, can you ask for a meeting with someone higher up. I would try and ask people who work in the hospital if they have noticed anything between them, there are cameras everywhere in hospital too

Dear god, do not do this.*

Agreed. God alive. Can't even🤦‍♀️

Cheaters (and this is what's happening) will lie, deny and minimise. I wouldn't say a word until you have definite evidence just so he can't mess with your head. Then move fast while he's still feeling guilty so you can get the best possible divorce settlement.

Exactly, this isn't innocent at all.

Dear god, do not do this.

Show him the video and ask him outright.

His reaction will tell you what you need o know, if you know him well enough you'll know in your heart.

Would he be sending videos of himself wanking to a woman he is having an affair with?

I'm not old, but 13 years 'out of the game' is that something women would want?

I have zero idea who DH texts, The odd time I ask out of noseyness it is something I am not interested in so I don't ask often. TBF it's usually another man and something about machines

You'll have to talk to him about it though.

"I don't have the energy for this today, going to be a drag without you".

That doesn't sound innocent to me. It implies some level of intimacy and that would be a red flag to me. But maybe it's just me.

Oh OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this.

I'm afraid this would suggest cheating however if I were in your shoes I would continue to monitor for a week or two and see if he keeps deleting messages/pictures. Check his deleted folder too in case he slipped up and forgot to delete from both. It is unusual practice to regularly delete messages.

Sending big hugs xx