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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU - how do I avoid telling them?

254 replies

Noopnoop · 21/09/2023 04:16

This is very long but I'll get it out as soon as I can.

I'm about to receive a life-charging sum of money from compensation for a car accident. I've developed a disability, had to give up a career I loved and I live in constant pain. My issue is that I don't want my biological family finding out.

I have always been the one to resolve problems for them whether it be financial or otherwise. They've continually made bad decisions and I've often been left to sweep up the pieces. My DGM always talks about money but also spends it as if she isn't on a fixed income. I've been the opposite. I left school with no GCSE's as I was the sole carer for mother and siblings. My "mother" was extremely abusive and did what she could to destroy me. I managed to leave home, completely an Access course and get to uni. I did drop out but stayed in the city because I met my partner. We bought our home, I went back to Uni and have worked really hard to get to where I am. I never had a stable roof over my head growing up as the rent was never paid on time and we always had bailiffs knocking on the door, something I was left to deal with as a child. DP and I also own a couple of rental properties. We've saved and gone without so we could pay off large chunks of the mortgage.

Despite the accident and being in pain everyday, I also started a business which whilst small is successful and is enough to take care of my partner, child and I, partner had to give up work to care for me.

I don't have parents and only have a grandmother and siblings but they rely on me for advice to the point that it's made me ill. When I've pushed back, I've been told that I'm selfish etc. When I discussed last year that I would be receiving compensation, my GM literally put her hand out with a smirk on her face. I've never asked for anything from my family as they've always been unreliable yet they've asked me for everything.

We visited my family in the spring. I don't drive so we made the hours long journey by train. The journey was awful and I was left in severe pain to the point of vomiting. When I arrived at my GM's, I sat down and she literally thrust some papers in my hand and told me to sort out some benefits issue she had. No welcome, or asking how I was. I underwent therapy to help me process everything I've been through and as a result I've pulled back from them quite a lot.

TLDR: abusive family, I'm about to receive life-changing amount of money. How do I tell my family the case isĥ over without revealing any amounts? I know if I did it would make my life so much more difficult.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 21/09/2023 04:30

Sorry to hear about your accident, and the changes it has made to your life.

if they ask about the payout, be evasive. Ie. Still waiting for results, or the lawyers re dealing with it.

or you could say it’s tied up and not been released, or has conditions attached to it, so can only be spent on things related to your injuries.

or be vague about the amount,

CherryMaDeara · 21/09/2023 04:28

I would just lie. They don’t need or deserve the truth.

Take whatever amount is left on your mortgage and say that you paid that and some debts off. Don’t give them a penny.

You have a disability and are in constant pain. Now is the time to pull back and drop the rope. Tell DGM she has to rely on your siblings from now on.

Better yet, move away to a new, sunny country and start a new life.

I wish you all the best Flowers

Noopnoop · 21/09/2023 04:22

This case has taken nearly seven year to settle. They know about the case and I had said earlier this year that it should be coming to an end soon.

OP posts:
Kinneddar · 21/09/2023 04:20

If you don't see them often why tell them. Be vague If they ask tell them cases can take years to be settled.