Bedtime for 13yo

Agree. You can't look at bedtime in isolation, you have to look at what time they wake up and whether they are tired.
FWIW if it was lights out 10:30, up at 730 far fewer people would be saying it was an issue.

What? No? That’s the time I want to go to bed!!

my 11 and 13 year olds are always asleep by 9.30, they get up at 6.45. Any later and I can’t get them up. ( edited to add they go up at 8.30/8.45)

I hate it when step kids are here and they want to go later , the younger one walks around like a tired zombie most of the time and clearly needs more sleep than she gets! 9.30 is late enough for anyone at school IMO!

Yikes there's lots of people here who don't know how many hours sleep kids (and adults) need!
My DD is 12 and has similar times to yours OP and it's going well so why change it. She's an avid reader so enjoys her bedtime, she's healthy, not tired, does well at school and isn't a grumpy little shit who struggles like some of her friends who stay up late watching Stranger Things 🙄 or going to a million clubs 🤷‍♀️

I'm amazed at all of these 'bed times' for teenagers to be honest. Mine have learnt to go to bed when they need to depending what is on the following day.

12yo 10.30 on school nights, 11ish weekends although not really policed and she goes earlier mostly school nights voluntarily, she's youngest of three though older ones were probably earlier we have given up 😂

I don’t agree at all that going to sleep at 9.30 is too early if she’s up at 6.30. A lot of younger teenagers are sleep deprived these days. If she wants to do an activity that means she’s up later on one night she can be flexible about it but in general I think it’s okay.

There's less alone and couple time than when they were younger. But they also spend a lot of time doing things independently of us, either in their rooms or out with friends.

Also we will say for example 'at 9pm we're watching adult tv shows, you don't need to go to sleep but you do need to go to your room and chill while we have our own time.' Or we'll feed the kids pizza earlier and make ourselves a nice date-night meal later and ask them to stay out the way for a bit.

Alone time isn't a thing with teenagers I'm afraid. If they are 13 then you could go out for a couple of hours for couple time.

8:30 for a 13 year old hmmmm our 13 soon to be 14 next month it's 10 weekdays read for half an hour and 11ish weekends. I'm not being funny he would find it super weird to go to bed his siblings go between 8-8:30 and there only 2 and 3 lol

We don't have a set bedtime as 14 year old DD has always been good at going to bed, she puts herself to bed between 8-10:30 depending on how she's feeling.

If I want alone time or to watch something on TV that she doesn't I just go to my room. I guess I might feel different if I lived in a house and on separate floors but we live in a flat and DD is more than capable of turning the living room tv and lights off.

They are in their rooms chilling or whatever, it's not like they're sitting downstairs with us.

When they were younger I used to insist they went to chill in their rooms from a particular time and from about 12/13 they have always managed their lights out time themselves. Never had an issue (17 and 15 now) and they always get up for school/college/work with no problem.

If she is too tired then surely it's fine for her to stick to an earlier bed time, if she doesn't want to then let her try later and if she's tired she soon go back to an earlier time.

Can you make bedtime 9pm and lights out at 9.30pm, maybe 10pm on a Friday and Saturday night?

Mine is 12, will be 13 early next year. Bedtime varies depending on what day it is and what's going on. It's 10.30pm ish on Mondays and Wednesdays as he's out training until 9.30pm and we don't get home until 10pm. Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday it's usually screens off by 9pm, lights out by 9.30pm. Friday and Saturday usually about 10pm lights out. He's up at 7am Monday to Friday, up by midday on a Saturday and Sunday unless he has to be anywhere.

We've always been pretty relaxed with bedtimes. He was a dreadful sleeper when younger so I just decided to chill out about it and we seem to have found a routine that works pretty well.

His younger brother is 7 and has bedtime around 8pm, lights out by 8.30pm usually. He's up at 7.30am every day, including weekends.

DH and I watch tv together from 9-11.30ish, I usually go to bed about midnight, up at 6.30-7am. Probably should go to bed earlier!

That's way too early for a 13/14yo.

I'd say 10-10.30pm is more appropriate for the age.

I don't think it's too early if she's tired and hard to wake in the mornings. Some people just need more sleep. I always needed a lot more than my brother growing up.

I have couple time in the privacy of our room. And noone here takes an hour 15 to get ready. Up shower, get dressed, breakfast out the door in 45 minutes.

That’s way too early

We didn’t have alone/couple time. I’m a night owl myself so never go to bed before 1ish anyway. DH usually goes up around 10pm.

Too early. My 8.5 year old has a 9pm bedtime and is rarely asleep before 9.30. I really don't want to shift his bedtime any later although tbf he doesn't have to be up til about 7.30.

I'm a single parent too and it's a bit rubbish having such limited alone time but I can't make him sleep if he isn't tired

We’ve never done set bedtimes well not since they were about 9/10 and it seems to have worked for us. My kids are 16 and 17 now and both usually sleep weekdays between 10 and 11pm. When they were younger there was the odd night they were still awake at silly o’clock but mostly they were in bed at a reasonable hour.

My 14 yr old DC goes up about 9.15, final goodnight about 9.45 so prob asleep 10/10.15. They always wake up at 6ish so I have said they can't go to bed any later as 8 hours sleep is the minimum to aim for.
So it's not early bedtime if they wake early.
And yeah, maybe 15 mins couple time as I have to try for 8 hours sleep myself.

You don't! Having teenagers means you don't get alone/couple time unless you go to your own room yourself. It's their house too and it's just the way life is with teenagers, you can't banish them to their room for your own convenience. Or at least that's how I see it, and I have three of them. Mostly I wish they'd spend more not less time downstairs.

That seems really early. My 13yo is 10pm.on weekdays and 11pm at weekends. My 9yo is 9pm weekdays and 9:30 weekends.

They do go upstairs to their rooms much earlier though and game, watch TV etc. They know that past about 8:30 they shouldn't be disturbing dp and I, unless it's quite important or if we're having a family movie night or something together then they'll be downstairs with us later but maybe only once week.

At that age they still need around 10 hours sleep, so it depends what time she is getting up.

My daughter is 14, she starts going up to bed at 8.30, is usually lights out by 9, she gets up at 7. Loads of her friends are still sending messages and stuff at 11pm and it bugs her so much she sets DND on her phone from 9. Then they complain about being tired all the time.

Sleep is really important for teenagers, they are going through major growth spurts and need sleep to help them learn.

My Ds’s was later than that but got up later than your Ds.. does he catch up on sleep on weekends ? I would do later on weekends? Also does he go to sleep at 9.30 ? No point going to bed at that time if he doesn’t sleep x