Bedtime for 13yo

That's fine. My 13yo has quite a bit of choice and takes himself to bed around 8.30 usually, he also gets up at 630 and if he stays up any later on a school night he's exhausted and grumpy. At weekends I am fine with it being a bit later, but he's learnt not to stay up much or he feels tired the next day.

Lol, I was thinking the opposite. 10pm for 15 yo? That sounds really early to me.

I'm surprised at some of the bedtimes here. They seem pretty late to me. At 13 I'd be aiming around 9 - 930pm if they have to get up early and are still tired.

When people are tired, they don't exercise and over eat.

My 13 and just 15 go at 9.30 and can read till 10 . They often don’t and my 13 sometimes takes himself off earlier . Weekends is 10 . In reality if your 13 is lights off at 9.30 it’s not much different

We have always done the same, seems to have always worked fine for us. They stay up late sometimes but then will have an early night when they need it. I've never really needed to interfere with their bedtimes at all from 12/13.

If she needs the sleep she needs the sleep. DS always needed loads and was probably asleep by 9pm at that age and up about 7.30am. DD doesn’t, I remove tech at 9pm and she potters or reads but I can’t make her lay down with her eyes shut, she is also up at 6.30am for school.

DH and I take the dogs for a walk for alone time. Either around a lake close to us or we put them in car and drive to a large park about 3 miles away and buy a hot chocolate to drink and walk them around. Teen stays at home, or occasionally he goes out with the dogs but earlier as I don't like him out with both dogs once it's dark as no lights around the lake.

Maybe you could say 9pm up to bed 9.30 lights out and 10pm on Friday and Saturday. DD can catch up with sleep having a lie in on Saturdays and Sundays. 8.30 is very early for a teen. If her peers knew they'd likely make fun of her.

My 13yo is currently all tech downstairs at 9pm, but she can read until 10pm if she wants. She's usually asleep by 9.30 though, as she's up at 6.30am for school.
Weekends, tech has to be downstairs at 10pm but she doesn't have a set time by which she has to be asleep.
Ultimately, you know your child, and if they're tired, they probably need more sleep.

I always asked out our teens to be in their bedrooms for 9/9.30 to enable dh and i to watch a movie or just chill and watch tv together for an hour before I head to bed.

we didn’t specify a bed time they decide that themselves.

worked well for us.

My DS is the same age as yours and has the same bedtime. Aim for him to be in his room at 830, lights out at 930. Alarm at 6 and is always hideous! (He's slow in the morning, needs to leave house at 650 to catch the bus).

Same bedtime as my 7month old and 7 year old sen child (mentally 3) my 15 year old tends to settle around 10pm and I ask they come off their phone which she does

My nearly 14yo dd doesn’t really have a bedtime as I think she’s old enough to decide for herself since she’s a sensible girl - she is asleep between 9:30 and 10:30 depending on how tired she is. That’s enough sleep for her - she gets up at 6:30am.

I mean, it depends whether they're happy with that but 8.30 seems extremely early for 13 year old to me.

I'm so shocked at people saying 10/10.30 for a 13 year old! I'm an adult and have to be asleep for 10 and I'm up at 7.30! This kid is up an hour earlier!

I'm up at 7.30 and I'm almost never in bed before midnight. I'd hate to go to bed at 10pm.

I think that's an unusually early bedtime, and expecting alone time after bedtime is unrealistic when you have teenagers.

it seems quite an early bedtime, but then they are all different. It also depends how quickly they fall asleep. Mine is pretty much the same age. Lights out no later than 10.30 but more like 10. They get up at 7am and are fine at the beginning of the week. Harder to wake by Friday but not too tired.

DTs are nearly 13, on non activity nights they go up around 8.30 and lights out at 9ish. Activity nights, twice on school nights they don't get in until 9.30 so it more like 10.30 lights out.

Weekends they manage themselves but are usually in asleep by ten.

They get up at 6 for school and wake naturally around 7 at the weekends.

I'm so happy if I've managed to get my 6yo in bed with lights off by 9! To be fair she's always in her PJs for 7.30 as she has a younger sister, who still needs to be asleep by 7.30, but she then messes about for hoourrrssss

What does she want? Has she complained it is too early? What would she be doing with the extra time? I would maybe move both timings half an hour later, so if she is upstairs you still get your alone time, and then lights out when you go up to bed. However, if she is happy with the current situation, no need to change.

I'm up at 7.30 and don't go to bed until midnight 🤷‍♀️

I'm so shocked at people saying 10/10.30 for a 13 year old! I'm an adult and have to be asleep for 10 and I'm up at 7.30! This kid is up an hour earlier!

Are your children actually going to sleep that early or are they just in their rooms?

I remember having a 9pm bedtime at a similar age and my sleep actually suffered because instead of sleeping, I was lying in bed wide awake and bored until almost midnight.

Eventually my parents relented and I was allowed to go up at 10 - but at that point I was genuinely tired and fell asleep pretty much straight away.

If they're going up and sleeping then obviously keep it as it is, but there's no point sending them to bed early if they're just going to lie there.

This is when you start to teach them to self-regulate. At 13, the only hard and fast rule we had was to be off devices by 9 and we didn't really police lights-out. But DS wasn't a big reader, so once he was off phone etc it was just a case of showering and bed.

Make sure her devices aren't in her room - DS's sat (actually still sit and he's 18 now!) downstairs and we would regularly hear pings at midnight...

It's fine if she's tired. I am 33 and I go to bed before 10pm most nights!

Everything off at 10.30/11 here, depending on how tired I am. All up at 6.30 (their choice) on school days.

DH works away so I'm usually in bed by 8! Sleep for me is around 11-12 though. The early mornings catch up with us all so might sneak a 10pm early night in without any fuss. Or if they're hard to wake up, I tell them they're getting a 10pm knock off as they're clearly tired.

9.30 is way too early. Unfortunately, we just have to suck it up and compromise with them. It's not fair on them to be going to bed so early but it's not fair on us to have to always have late nights. It's give and take, we all have to have some flexibility.

Edited after reading some replies: mine are never grumpy, never walking around like zombies, not hard work to get ready in the mornings. The older one may need woke up two or three times some days but once he's up, he's no bother. No issues with getting to school on time or with concentration. If they're feeling tired, they get themselves an early night.