To admit I read his texts?

Well done,

Stick with it. Now go and find all the things that make you happy out side of Men. No doubt your Mr Right is just around the corner.
Woop woop.

You've absolutely done the right thing.

He was not in a position to be in another relationship when the previous one wasn't fully resolved for whatever reasons.

You've done the right thing. He is not emotionally available to a new relationship with you, and you deserve better than a faked relationship.

I think you did the right thing. It hurts now but it's better to be with someone who is emotionally available and with you because he wants to be with you, not because someone else is not having him.

Of course he's good at it!! He's good at it because it works for him.

So many men can 'compartmentalize'. Like the old CSNY song says "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with". They don't really see how dishonest that is and so unfair to that 'one they're with'. They truly believe that they love 'Ms Right Now' because it's comfortable, fun, and they get sex. What's not to love? But when 'Ms Right' (even if she's Ms 'Ex'-Right) comes along, they'll be off like a shot.

But like I said, I wouldn't bother to have some kind of 'talk' with him about all this. I'd just say "Not working for me. Bye bye Felipe!".

Well he IS fully committed to you when he is with you. Just likes to keep his options open.

and with a kid between then she will always be on the scene. I would move on asap

You have two options here op- you either admit it’s not right and end it or you stay with him and hope things change.

I’m sorry but I feel he’s using you as a rebound. He seems incapable of being alone and needs someone to focus his energy on. As you said, he’s good at faking it. You don’t deserve a life of being second best or a life of hoping he isn’t messaging and longing after someone else.

What do you want to do, OP? knowing what you know.

^ this. And like a fool, you're taking the bait hook, line and sinker OP. As someone said previously, there will be a name change soon and the cycle will rinse and repeat.

Two reasons why he has suggested a weekend away -

1. To make the ex jealous.

1. He has sensed you might be cooling and he doesn't want to be on his own so he is throwing you some crumbs to keep you hanging in there.

No you don't 'confront' him about his messages OR his relationship with his ex. When you snoop you need to keep your yap shut (unless you discover cheating or illegal activity). He/they obviously have unresolved issues and I'd want to be no part of it nor hang around until they make up their minds. And if you snooped for no real reason, obviously you don't trust him, either because his behaviour (past or present) has raised some red flags or because you have a suspicious nature.

It's only been 5 months. I'd simply say "XXX, I've decided that this relationship isn't working for me and I'm calling time on it. I wish you the best".

as it seems like they’re still in a mixed up situation.

Not just a mixed up situation - an absolute bloody mess. Made worse by your snooping. (Which I don’t blame you for, see last para below).

He clearly wishes she hadn’t forced things to end and he’s trying to make the best of his relationship with you.

Btw in this instance I don’t think your snooping was a terrible idea. But it does confirm the old wisdom about this. It means not only do you not trust him (and so shouldn’t be in a relationship with him) but you also did find something a bit suspect (and so shouldn’t be in a relationship with him).

When you start checking your partners phone it's all downhill from there tbh. This relationship sounds doomed.

He got with you weeks after ending it with her, of course he still has some feeling, she’s the mother of his child?

I would ditch him and move on, no way would I be getting into a relationship with someone who’s only been out of a relationship for 2 weeks and has a kids. He should have sorted himself and his feelings out before even looking to date again but like a lot of men he probably can’t deal with being single so got with the first person that showed interest 😬

" I have fallen for him, it’s not fair"

Is it possible that one of the drivers for you 'falling for him' is that it returns you to your youth? To a time when your life had fewer responsibilities and worries? In which case it isn't him you've fallen for, but your youth?

Regardless, as I said earlier, cut your losses and move on. He wasn't trustworthy then, and he isn't trustworthy now.

Oh just dump him. He obviously wants his ex back. You don't trust him an inch and you're reading his messages. This is a no-hope relationship.

He's not going to tell you he misses her, is he?

That's why you checked his phone.

You're not listening to any advice so you're dead set on dragging it out.

I predict a name change and more posts about ignoring gut feelings in future...

He is not over his ex. Don't waste your time with him.

There have been many wise words of advice already said on this post. Although they go against what you feel you really want, please do consider them all as many point to a similar narrative. Now is the time to cut to the chase and see if this relationship has any chance of lasting for the long haul. The simple answer is what many have already said - end it now and move on to a healthier, less complicated relationship before you get too deep, lose your self esteem and mess up your mental health. However, if there is at least one tiny chance of this working, you have to communicate together much much better. Now and forever...

Perhaps 'confronting' him is the wrong word, but, you 100% need to discuss it with him in a neutral environment when you both have a level clear head. No raised voices, no alchohol, no sex... his reaction (not just his words) will speak volumes.

From my experience, honesty really is the best policy. You can't spent the next 5-10 years worried about him being upto things and communicating secretly with other people as this will destroy your self esteem and cause you mental health issues. Although you've already fallen for him, with it being early in the relationship, now is a good time to explain to him your feelings and how much you are on edge thinking about this all the time. Bear in mind you are already worrying about this and you've only been together this time around for a short period and you ended your previous relationship with him for similar issues.

Yes, you snooped, but ultimately you found something straight away that could be a red flag. If this relationship is going to work long term, then you both need to begin communicating fully, openly, and honestly with an enhanced level of maturity. Otherwise your future mental health is at risk and this relationship is doomed.

At the end of the day, if this guy is honourable, there should be no message he sends anyone that he is not comfortable with you reading, especially if it is one to a woman. This obviously works the other way around too.

He had past issues when he was young and dumb and he was flirty with girls etc... well this new relationship with him isn't going to work if he gets up to his old tricks again, nor if he still holds feelings for the mother of his child. She will be around forever by the way, so you have to work with this scenario if this relationship is ever going to work. For your own sanity, you need to have a fully honest conversation with him around where his loyalties lay. Perhaps you should meet the other woman and be introduced as his partner and you both look after the child from time to time? Afterall, she almost certainly will meet another guy at some point so the door will swing both ways. He also needs to accept that. If he, she or you cannot handle this forever, then this relationship has already failed.

If he is the man you hope him to be, these conversations will be productive, will lift a weight off of your shoulders and you will build a deeper connection with each other, more than you ever have before. Then, honest, open, regular communication should form part of your long term happy and healthy relationship.

If the conversation goes south or you argue or he gets angry and defensive at you snooping (diversionary tactic), then I do not think he is the partner for you long term. He already has several failed relationships behind him and has a child (one, that he knows of) that he has left for the mother to look after. He already has you second guessing his actions/motives. His reputation is already majorly questionable and so far (I assume) he hasn't done anything to give himself credibility as long term partner material. I think you know in your heart of hearts what is right for you long term. Please tread carefully and best of luck OP.