to ask all stepparents this question?

I am a step parent. I do not love my step kids like I love my own, it’s not even in the same ball point. If me and DH split up, I’d wish them well and hope they had a happy life but I’d quite happily never see them again (I’d help to maintain sibling relations but personally myself I’d not be seeking contact).

Do I believe some steps parents can love their SC like their own. Yes.

do I think people can love adopted children like their biological children. Yes.

But is it more common for step parents to have a stronger bond with their own. Of course.

This OP.

And no I don't.

I love my stepchildren but not as much as my own.

I love my stepson and treat him exactly the same as my own. Do I love him the same? No. I think that's partly because although I know he loves me, he has a mum who he loves more and is more influenced by than me. So we can never have that same relationship as I have with my own children because to them I am their most important adult. To my SS I am not.

I'm a Foster Carer and have cared for our Foster Son since he was 5. He's now 17 and yes, I do love him just as much as my own 3 DC. He gets exactly the same value birthday and Xmas gifts and far more of my time as my DC are now adults. He will get the same help With a house deposit when he is older and when we die he will inherit from us equally too. To me he is a bonus son. My DH doesn't have any DC of his own but has said he regards my DC and Foster Son as his DC too.

No their mother has made it so difficult to have any sort of positive relationships. My husband sees them alone as I refuse to expose myself to the vitriol and hostility. Even though we met 5 years after they split she refused to let the kids come over. By the time they chose to come over she had done so much damage to all of us that we just accept this kind of truce state that we are now in.

I find that heartbreaking to read. What does your mum say about it? Is your sister even aware of it?

I'm going to come with another point of view here...

My sister isn't my dads biological child. Her dad was involved and still is very involved. We are now both grown up and have children. He always referred to my sister has his oldest daughter and still does, her child his referred to as his grandchild. Since I can remember, my sister has always been the favourite child to him and now her child is his favourite grandchild. Since I can remember, I've always felt a lump of sadness and resentment watching her be loved unconditionally by her dad and my dad and it made me feel I wasn't good enough as logically speaking he should have loved me more because I was his only child. Now I feel that sadness watching my child play second fiddle. I'm not sure if these feelings are reasonable and I've never said so aloud, but I've always had a lump of jealously over the situation. If my own Dad can love another child more than me... what's wrong with me?

I know you didn't want answers from non biological parents but my version again is slightly different.
I don't have children of my own but have been a step parent for ten years to three children who lost their mum long before I met their dad. They were still children when I met them and I love them as much as I could possibly love anyone. With a fierceness that I didn't realise I had. Differently to what others have posted. They don't think of me as a mum but definitely think of me as a parent. They have a mum, she isn't here so it is mine and my DP job to keep her memory alive and make her still a vital part of their lives. They love me, there is no doubt but their mum will always be their mum and there will be no substitute.

No I don't and I don't think I I should be expected to..

Beautiful. And I feel the same about both my step parents. I dont expect biological love from them but I do know they both love me and I them.

I'd like to add the point of view of a step child I love my step Dad, he's done a lot for me and loved me and raised me as a dad (my own went to prison and disappeared).
I don't think he loves me the same as his bio children, I'm fine with that, we love each other and I cherish our relationship for what it is ❤️

You seem nice

Who is this even to?

You’re an incel interloper. Off you pop.

You’re a rancid old cunt. I don’t understand why you would put a child through that.

I mean, if you are gonna chuck out statements like that, I'd be reconsidering who is actually rancid here.

@milkshakebringsallthebuoystotheyard That's just it isn't it. I think my DPs niece is fantastic, I can imagine actively looking forward to seeing her EOW and loving her - though not as much as my own - but alas I was not so lucky.

In fairness, I think that can also happen with people's own kids. I think plenty of parents, even though they love all their children equally, don't necessarily like them all in the same way. I think a lot of parents don't find all their children equally easy to get along with, and would enjoy spending time with one more than another, just because of personality clashes etc.

Adopting is a different situation to being a step-parent, though. Adoptive parents have actively chosen to adopt a child as theirs, and the child effectively has no other parents. It's a proactive decision that entails a huge amount of thought and effort and the active desire to be that child's only parents.

That is a very, very different thing from falling in love with someone who happens to have a child, and then having to be in a parental role to that child - particularly if (as is the case in most situations) that child also has a biological mum/dad who is still very much on the scene.

My friend has one biological son, and then when he was about six, her and her husband adopted their second son, who was then a young toddler. I am 100% confident that she definitely loves both her sons in the same way. She is their mother and she loves them as a mother.

However, if she and her husband were to divorce and she was to remarry a man who had a child who came to stay 50% of the time, I don't think she would necessarily love that the child in the same way that she loves her adopted son, because she would not see herself as the child's mother and the child would not see her as their mum. I've no doubt that she'd be an absolutely brilliant stepmum regardless and would be 100% fair and warm and lovely. But I don't the gut feeling of maternal love would be the same.

Yeah I think thats the same for me with the youngest. Its awful but he's really just not my people at all and its getting no better. The eldest is so much like his dad in temperament that I guess he just fits in to us, the youngest just isnt the same and his dad will admit on rare occasions that he knows how difficult he is, but also has a lot of guilt for feeling that way.

Like you say, could be worse. EOW and holidays. And only 6 years to go.

Frankly I suspect that a lot more fathers than we’d like to think about don’t really love their own children, let alone anyone else’s children: just look at how many shit fathers there are who show little to no interest in and do little to no parenting when they live in the family unit, and then fuck off to be barely heard from again once the relationship with their children’s mother ends.

Yeah I suspect there's probably truth in that - or at least a lot of men who love their kids less than their mum does and are less involved, making it an easier feeling to replicate for other people's kids.

Frankly I suspect that a lot more fathers than we’d like to think about don’t really love their own children, let alone anyone else’s children: just look at how many shit fathers there are who show little to no interest in and do little to no parenting when they live in the family unit, and then fuck off to be barely heard from again once the relationship with their children’s mother ends.

A lot of men’s relationship with children is through the woman they’re with at the time. I suspect that’s partly why they seem to be able to attach to stepchildren (that and, as you say, they just do the “yeah sure I love my SC” without much thought.)

No I don't love my step kids like my own. I did meet them when they were teenagers though so could be different if I met them when they were younger and had more of a bond.