Am I doing enough?

@TibetanTerrah Thank you.🥰Overall he is a decent man. It happened when we had an argument him saying I didn’t do enough and he is under stress but I’ve made it clear that’s not my problem. But without a doubt, if it does happen I’m gone for good. Once I make the decision and I go, I’ve told him there will be no going back and I think he knows me well enough to know I mean it. I know he feels bad about it because of how he behaved last night. I think he thought they were just words he said when he was angry, but I told him he’s not understanding how that makes me feel and how much resentment that creates, even when said in anger I still believe it.

@Chunkyspunkymunkey

I didn’t mention love etc as I didn’t think it was relevant. I just wanted confirmation that I was doing more than enough. We do love each other because believe me we would not be together. I have no wishes to get married. And like @Catza mentioned he has his own business and also quite wealthy. He would be putting a lot at risk if he got married to someone with very unequal finances. He’s heard too many stories of marriages breaking up and the wealthy one has lost a lot. I accept he has a child and I’m more than willing to help. I don’t mind the housework as I don’t contribute financially. What I don’t like was him saying that I didn’t do enough which was being reinforced by his brother and friend, he then started resenting me for it. I have pointed out to him, that because he’s busy with his business etc then he should not be expecting me to take up the slack with everything else. It’s up to him to make changes to free up time when it comes to his working hours. This is also something he has been trying to do by taking on someone who can do his job, this is proving difficult. He at present works 12-13 hours days 5 days a week then works on a Saturday usually all day, he is under alot of stress. But like I’ve said to him, he’d have more to do if I wasn’t here doing it all. I’m going away soon abroad without him so will probably be an eye opener. We shall see.

@Butterkist8

I do love him but the problems we were having is that he doesn’t appreciate my contributions and expects more. I have made it clear I won’t be doing anything more than I already do. I know he loves me. We just seemed to have built up resentment about who does what and him thinking I didn’t do much because it wasn’t what he wanted me to be doing. He now accepts my point after we sat down and talked without arguing. I read him the comments from this post.
It’s up to him now. If he does it again there won’t even be a discussion. But I feel I need to give it a chance. We shall see.

@AgentProvocateur I do love him yes, that’s why I’m still here trying to find a resolution and needed confirmation that I am doing more than enough. Yes I still fancy him and I know he loves me he just has issues as I do, I think down to his upbringing. I can be challenging and I think after speaking to him he says “go home” because he cannot deal with any confrontation. I’m not a very romantic person and neither is he. I’ve accepted that I’ve taken on someone who has a child and they come as a package. We quite often walk our dog together and go for meals on our own. I also accept that he had very little time due to his business. I think he now does believe I do enough and I feel I got my point across and he feels guilty for making me feel the way he did by saying my contribution didn’t count as I did so little. We will see, if he does it again I really am gone. I said once I make the decision it will be too late and there will be no way back, ever. I know I’m under no obligation to do things for his Son but I know it makes life a little easier for him, but he has to appreciate it as even if I did nothing else parenting his child is the most important thing I could be doing.

@AgentProvocateur I do get things from the relationship. He pays for holidays and anything we do together and he does show that he cares for me, But he is selfish in a lot of ways. He’s not the type who goes off and does his own thing much and he’s happy for me to do things independent of him. I feel that I should get more out of it than I am doing. It just seems to be resentment growing on both sides, he feels like I should do more to support him, and I say I do enough already and other than cook my meals and pay what does he do for me? But time is something he doesn’t have. I tell him I’m not in this relationship for the good of my health I need to feel that it benefits me too and anything I am doing he needs to appreciate it and that I’m not under obligation to do it. I read him the comments tonight and I think it really shocked him and he’s admitted that he’s been out of order by saying (when we argue) that I don’t do enough. I’ve made it clear that his responsibilities shouldn’t be mine, and if he doesn’t start recognising my efforts with him and his son I’m going. I appreciate he is under alot of stress with his business and this is something I’ve always accepted in the years we’ve been together. I don’t mind doing the housework etc as I work far less hours than him and I don’t contribute financially. He just needed to realise that everything I do do for him and his son is taken onboard and appreciated far more than what he was doing. The issue was he was telling me I wasn’t doing enough. I have now given him an ultimatum. If he ever says it again or says “go home” when we fall out, I am gone for good. And I’m a woman of my word.

Hello everyone. Thank you so much for your responses.

Ive spoken to my partner tonight and gave him the ultimatum. He either changes and starts to recognise and appreciate my value in this relationship or I’m gone and won’t look back. I am not prepared to do more than I’m already doing for the “team” as he calls us. I told him I’ve posted on here and read out all your valued responses, which he seems to of taken onboard. He is a good man but has old fashioned views which are fed by equally old fashioned people around him telling him what I should be doing because they’re overgrown babies. He is a workaholic and I again told him this is his choice to work the hours he does, but to not make that my responsibility. I also reiterated, that if he ever says to me again I don’t do enough, I’m gone and will show him what doing it on his own really feels like when he doesn’t have me supporting him.

He’s in last chance saloon now. I’m giving him 3 months to improve. I’m just glad I kept my house. I’m going away next month abroad with my Sister and I think this alone will give him a wake up call that I am starting to break free, as since meeting him I stopped going on hols with my sister and instead went with him and his Son.

@DinoMummsy Yes he is very selfish but doesn’t see himself like that. He’s quite a nice bloke does have some qualities but I’m starting to see his true colours. The first few years we were together I used to just come and stay then go home to my Son. Easier for me to go to him because he always had his child. Everything seems to be his way and I’ve just had to fit into his life.

@lechatnoir The son has done so many things including helping himself to over £1000 of his Dads money buying stuff on Fortnite game when he was about 9. Was taking his debit card, partner never checked his bank much then (does now!) the child tells lies constantly and just basically doing the wrong thing when he’s not being watched but he gets caught out usually by me. Mum doesn’t see him at all. He was used to getting away with murder because no one was parenting him. Partner never wanted children but child’s mother got pregnant. (He should of not taken her word that she was on pill) Granted he’s took him and did the right thing but partner has always been more interested in his business hence why he didn’t want children. I feel like I have to parent child because no one else does. I’ve already brought 2 up and when the relationship started child wasn’t with him all the time. (He was with the mum 3 nights a week)

Just to clarify I don’t do the cooking he does, this is one of the things creating the issue. He’s expecting me to. He does the food shopping even though I’ve offered and he cooks but we tent to eat out alot too which he pays for. But I have offered money for my being here but I see all the other things I do as my contribution.