Out with work colleagues - talk work or not

We always do, I think that's pretty normal!

I am 100% confident it doesn't hapen always.

You cannot be 100% confident it does happen always.

It's not necessary or wise to discuss your private life too much in detail either, it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do

I've been working full-time for the past 25 years and I've honestly never known this to be a thing. I've never been among the more affluent people I've worked with, and I can't remember a time when any of my colleagues have gossiped or been resentful about the 'better lifestyle' of someone more well-off.

Appreciate that your mileage may vary, but I don't think it's enough of a risk to warrant avoiding personal chat!

Obviously nobody HAS to talk about their personal lives at work - and there are certainly things I wouldn't necessarily share with my colleagues - but I think a level of chat about families, holidays, house moves, hobbies, what's in the news, what you're watching/reading/cooking at the moment etc is pretty normal, no?

My boss sometimes adds things like 'Puppy news from X' or 'Debrief on Y's holiday' or even 'Views on the [current scandalous news story] situation' as actual agenda items to our team meetings! I also once had a regular meeting with one of my colleagues extended from 30 minutes to 45 minutes with the note 'Just extending this as once we've discussed [work thing] I desperately need to hear your thoughts on the current season of Succession'

I don't want to talk about work on social occasions myself. I am selective about which social occasions with work colleagues I attend, partly for this reason.

Either really, just see where the conversation goes.

well, if you say so, must be true 😂

Talking about work in a pub is just more work in a different setting. I'd rather just go home/go to gym etc. It's not time off away from work. There are plenty of neutral topics to discuss that can be fun, books, tv, whatever but if someone wants to talk about work I feel I'm in a meeting and should be paid for it.

You can talk about positive things or shared interest or pick up on what interests them.

Or you can find a common enemy from the workplace and destroy their life.

Me and my work colleagues talk about work on nights out because we may not always be working at the same thing. Or dayshift/nightshift

it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do.

No it doesn't.

*it's not writing off, but it's keeping things a lot simpler. The day you get promoted over your colleagues, it's easier to manage. Things tend to get sour when one of the "best friends" colleague gets the role they both wanted.

It's not necessary or wise to discuss your private life too much in detail either, it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do*

I've never experienced any of that. I can see how it might happen but not amongst my friends really. We genuinely care for each other, and we've worked closely for 12 years in my current job without anything going sour.

I'm obviously not close friends with every single person, and not spilling intimate secrets to all and sundry, but there are those I work with who go way beyond colleagues. I think that's the norm.

it's not writing off, but it's keeping things a lot simpler. The day you get promoted over your colleagues, it's easier to manage. Things tend to get sour when one of the "best friends" colleague gets the role they both wanted.

It's not necessary or wise to discuss your private life too much in detail either, it always leads to resentment and gossips when some colleagues think you have a better lifestyle than they do.

Again, I have made some very good friends at work, but I am not there to socialise, and frankly neither are my colleagues.

hardly? Where do you see that being professional has a negative impact at work? 😂

And that's what will get you a bad reputation at work

it's simple, my work life has nothing to do with my social life. I made friends along the way, but I prefer to keep my private life.. private. I chose my friends, I don't chose my work colleagues, or not for the same reasons

That's fine for you. A great many people don't fall into that same category/mindset.

I love some of my colleagues, they are definitely my friends. Much much more than colleagues. I've been away twice this year with friends - once with former colleagues and once with current colleagues. We had a blast and I'm privileged to have them in my life.

I simply can't imagine writing off being personal friends with a whole set of people purely because I work with them, but I've seen it on MN time and time again 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't understand these Mumsnet rules: "I don't want to talk about anything personal with my colleagues."

it's simple, my work life has nothing to do with my social life. I made friends along the way, but I prefer to keep my private life.. private. I chose my friends, I don't chose my work colleagues, or not for the same reasons

I don't understand these Mumsnet rules: "I don't want to talk about anything personal with my colleagues."

I work with a great team, partly because we're not afraid to go beyond "dull chatter about kids, decorating, holidays etc."

For me the purpose of going out with work people is to forge a bond with them as a person, as well as just a colleague. So yes, a bit of work chat, but mostly small talk, families, holidays, food, hobbies, films, TV, what you're doing at the weekend, or more personal chat as time goes on and colleagues become more like friends.

What you call 'boring chit chat' is what other people use to relax and bond a bit. If that's not you're thing that's fine, but it's not boring to other people (assuming they like each other - do you like these people?)

There's a weird view of many on MN that you work with colleagues and they must never cross the divide into being friends. You just tolerate them at work whilst divulging no personal information whatsoever. In my 25 years of work I've never experienced that. People who naturally click, do so and can be close friends. People who don't click like that (or don't want to) don't, and that's that.

Most of our work is extremely confidential and I don't think we'd really be able to discuss much in a public arena anyway...

This is why people follow sport. Any sport. It gives you a neutral point of conversation with any random people.

Work gossip, who everyone likes/dislikes on other teams, bit of chit chat amongst smaller groups eg those with kids, dogs, etc... Like any group of people the conversation sort of just progresses naturally. Noone in my old office would ever have declared no work chat!

We used to do shag marry, avoid on the managers, who certainly wouldn't be with us on the night.

My colleagues rarely discuss anything other than office gossip. If someone said "let's not talk about work" they'd think you'd lost your marbles.

I find it a bit much sometimes but I'd really hate being told what I can and can't talk about in my down time.

Much better to let the conversations evolve naturally, start with work which is obvious, then go .. wherever.

People trying to dictate the flow of the evening are boring.

Mixture of both, but the work talk is more personal than functional.

Was out with two colleagues last week that I know well, one from amsterdam and another from India and some of the non work conversation topics were about kids and generation being raised with screens/internet, Indian food - we all tried a veggie only indian meal that night, challenges of indian public transport, changing climates in each otherscountries, very unwell pet dogs (one was near decision to PTS, other had just had to PTS), electric cars to name a few.

In truth I'm just not very interested in my colleagues' lives outside work. I'd rather hear the latest gossip than dull chatter about kids, decorating, holidays etc.