To think it’s utter hell working with extroverted people when you’re introverted?

That’s me ! I come across as outgoing and social. However, I need to mentally prepare to be like this (always feel I need to make people happy and to make all the effort ) and then need a few days afterword of time on my own and silence. I’m at my happiest browsing alone in a book shop on a quiet day. You’d never know that if you saw me in social situations.

@Curiosity101 agreed! It sounds like the lady expects others to engage/ respond to her though. Don’t know how much OP would stick out if she did that (and if she wants to do that) but absolutely, it’s a solutuon.

@PeloMom So you fix it by getting noise cancelling headphones...

I'm incredibly sensitive to noise and also am introvert. I also sit opposite/around some very loud chatty people at work sometimes. So I've invested in noise cancelling headphones. That way they're happy and I'm happy.

Omg, this sounds like a complete nightmare!! I’m an introvert but also sensitive to noise; the constant chatter will drive me bonkers!! To the person who said ‘it sounds like you don’t like her’- with these things isn’t about the person, it is about the constant noise they produce and the fact you have to be constantly engaged (cause they never shut up!) - and both of those are draining to introverts. Introverts recharge by being on their own/ in a quiet environment or at least not having to be ‘on’ and this is the exact opposite of that.

People like that just tire me out

I'm afraid the word 'bubbly' comes to mind. I always shudder when I hear that someone is/was 'bubbly'. To me, it summons up an image of a giggly, loud, insensitive nuisance with a head full of fluff and pink candy floss. But people like this are certainly popular!

This is a classic example of the militant dislike of the socially confident which I see everywhere at the moment:

Turn this on its head for a moment and imagine someone posting

"I'm afraid when the word 'shy/reserved' comes to mind I always shudder. To me it summons up an image of a dull, anxious and miserable type who overthinks every minor social interaction and thinks they are deeper and more interesting than everyone else because they have a hard time projecting their personality."

Leaving aside the fact that "bubbly" is sexist...

Why is it that the socially anxious now have carte blanche to lay into people who have any kind of social presence? You don't like the cut of their jib because you've overheard them having a laugh with their colleagues?

It's OK to do it if you're "introverted" because you're a victim of society and have hidden depths, but people who have a laugh at the works do or can do a decent work presentation deserve everything they get?

Nah. It's largely just jealousy.

Some people are over friendly and whilst they tend to make a lot more noise, it's not necessarily a good thing!

In addition, being more socially awkward doesn’t make you special, clever or deeper than someone who likes to engage. Outgoing people are no shallower than you, OP, they just behave differently in social settings.

I've had experience of this in a job interview where I was sneered at for being outgoing, positive and articulate. I think some socially awkward types like to assume extroverts are stupid airheads because it gives them a misguided sense of kudos. This possibly explains the popularity of appropriating introversion as an identity rather than as a personality type.

I agree. There is a lazy trope emerging of extroverts being seen as boorish imbeciles just because they enjoy a level of social competence

Yep. I'm an extrovert and I hate public speaking! I just simply get stressed if I spend too much time alone and I'm at my best when I'm around others. In my team at work I'm one of the quieter people!

There will always be people who irritate you especially in an office environment. You just need to accept we are all different, allow her to be her without judgement and just be yourself. For all you know she could feel same about you.

Absolutely, Bees and Purple!

I am sick to the back teeth of people claiming Introversion when they mean Socially Inept, or claiming Anxiety when they mean Feel Kind Of Anxious.

Everyone feel anxious in many circumstances, it’s not a condition. Actual anxiety is totally crippling.

Many confident, assertive people are introverts; many shy people are extroverts. My introvert DH can command an audience of over a thousand and my extrovert DD can’t speak in public.

In addition, being more socially awkward doesn’t make you special, clever or deeper than someone who likes to engage. Outgoing people are no shallower than you, OP, they just behave differently in social settings.

Calling someone “cringe” is pretty much the opposite of liking and respecting them.

My family is pretty evenly split between introverts and extroverts. We skew slightly to Socially Confident, but that’s because of the introverts being so good socially.

Your lazy stereotypes and pass/agg gripes at this poor woman only show you in a poor light.

Gosh yes! The chatty noise!

@Beezknees

Happens a lot with people who describe themselves as "introverts" I've noticed. There's an attitude of "I'm so much deeper and more thoughtful than those shallow noisy extroverts." It's why I get so irritated with people misunderstanding what introversion/extraversion is.

Totally. It's a get-out-of-jail-free card for socially awkward or jealous people to pick on more socially gifted people and badge themselves as "interesting" as they do so. Clever trick initially but really lame and people can see through it now.

Plus its simplistic and insulting to actual introverts to tar them all as socially inept (which the real picture is far more complicated). Not to mention to extroverts by painting them all as shallow, noisy show-offs.

I'm really sick of it.

Happens a lot with people who describe themselves as "introverts" I've noticed. There's an attitude of "I'm so much deeper and more thoughtful than those shallow noisy extroverts." It's why I get so irritated with people misunderstanding what introversion/extraversion is.

You’re blaming your lack of social ease on her taking up social bandwidth. This is a You problem.

Indeed. And using "introversion" (inaccurately) as a dog whistle to other socially anxious or uncomfortable people to get them to gang up on this woman and others like her. It's pretty unpleasant.

For someone who claims to like her and get on with her, you’re being very bitchy about her.

She’s friendly, confident, popular and knows pretty much everyone from your description.

You’re blaming your lack of social ease on her taking up social bandwidth. This is a You problem.

Eat lunch with someone you actually like rather than a woman you are happy to rip to shreds online.

This is about you, not her - you're projecting your insecurities onto her (that's not a judgement - it's really common and understandable - but that's what is happening).

Totally agree with Hylin. This is to do with you wishing you had some of her social ease and networking ability.

@GoodOldEmmaNess

Some posts in this thread make me wonder whether the words introvert and extrovert are starting to be used in the way that so many other words are these days - to forge an identity on which to hang a whole load of feelings about not being properly valued or 'seen' and/or to forge a way of pigeon-holing other people in order to make them at fault in relation to the negative effects they have on you. In other words: to insist on respect for oneself while simultaneously disrespecting other people.

This is totally true. "Introvert" has become an (inaccurate) badge of honour for a certain type of person who is quietly stewing at resentment of other people who seem to be able to handle social stuff better than they can. And "othering" those people and putting them down.

I've seen "extroverts" (not really extroverts but people who can handle themselves and don't need to retreat to their home for weeks on end after every social interaction) routinely described on here as show-offs/social climbers/empty vessels/narcissists etc. It's all quite ugly and disproportionate to the very minor crime of being able to hold your own in public.

I do have sympathy with the people who have felt invisible and marginalised in the world of work because they are bad at selling themselves. It's unfair. But it's not a reason to pigeonhole the socially confident as psychopathic self-promoters, which is the way it often seems to go on these threads. It's "revenge of the nerds" but with a nasty, bitchy undercurrent to it. If you feel that these people are genuinely disadvantaging you in the workplace, take it up with management or HR properly. If (as I suspect) its mainly jealousy, deal with it.

Yes, I get you, OP.

I'm a shy introvert but no-one would guess that because (when I was young!) it wasn't really allowed and I just had to cultivate a confident persona, but it's not really me.

I'm sociable in small groups but easily become overwhelmed by big, loud groups and loud people.

The colleague you describe would annoy the hell out of me, too. I don't know what the answer is, but I'd say stay pleasant but be yourself and don't feel (as I did) that you have to change to be like her.

I'm afraid the word 'bubbly' comes to mind. I always shudder when I hear that someone is/was 'bubbly'. To me, it summons up an image of a giggly, loud, insensitive nuisance with a head full of fluff and pink candy floss. But people like this are certainly popular!

I am an introvert, in that I need time alone and away from everything to recharge my energy, but otherwise I am very like your colleague - I enjoy talking to everyone at work, I make and keep up relationships there, am generally chatty and positive. This is all useful networking, because besides being genuinely interested in people, it means that people think of me when they want a question answered, or a project taken on, or someone to get involved in a thing which needs good people skills. I have had lots of opportunities because people know me, they respect my professional knowledge, and know that I am a safe pair of hands and can be relied on to do the people side of things well. So while it exhausts me, I can enjoy the confidence and opportunities it brings.

Being introverted or extroverted isn’t a substitute for a personality. Nor is any other label.

Her issue is not that she's an extrovert (although she probably is). It's that she's gobby and rude and a show off. Honestly, you won't be the only one that finds her exhausting. Maybe you could avoid sharing your breaks with her, or go for a walk (you need fresh air..), or just ignore some of the conversations while you're working. If you join in at least some of the conversations then I don't think people will judge you for that.

Plus, is she actually doing any work?!

Completely agree. It’s so tedious.

Headphones are a lifesaver (if allowed to use them)

As plenty of PPs have said this is nothing to do with the tired old stereotypes about introverts and extroverts (which are mainly used incorrectly) and everything to do with you finding this woman annoying. Can’t you own that rather than cooking up some cod psychology to explain it? She does sound annoying and there’s no need for the pseudoscience.

As a related point is anyone else getting tired of inaccurate but slightly unpleasant stereotypes about extroverts being used to basically beat up on confident people?

Theres a strain of militant introvert (who usually isn’t actually an introvert at all but someone with social anxiety who identifies as an introvert and resents anyone who doesn’t have social anxiety) who comes onto MN and bashes confident people.

It’s always passed off as “I’m an introvert and quite special” but quite a lot of the time it’s people just being nasty to people who are a bit loud or demanding.

This is combined with a growing neurosis about people being required to have any social interaction at work. People getting really upset about being required to socialise occasionally with their colleagues.

We get it, work has definitely favoured the confident over the quiet. It’s not fair and it’s time to recognise that the workplace has some biases which make life harder for you. We hear you etc.

But some of this has started to tip over into being self pitying, self defeating and a bit nasty. Extroverts and confident people have issues and insecurities too. Having social anxiety is tough but it’s not a protected characteristic and it doesn’t mean that it should be constant open season who don’t feel like this.