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AIBU?

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Original poster

Brother making me uncomfortable

58 replies

celestialritz · 11/09/2023 01:20

My brother (in his forties) lives with my mother. When I go round he is often just wearing shorts and no top. I feel uncomfortable when he kisses me in greeting and said to him today ‘are you going to put a top on?’ He then imitated me using a high pitched squeaky voice, I guess to put me down. Am I being unreasonable to find it odd of him and to feel uncomfortable when he is hot , sweaty and bare chested?

OP posts:
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topnoddy · 11/09/2023 19:41

Whatonearth07957 · 11/09/2023 18:20

He sounds like an uncouth arse with an entirely unfounded superiority complex.

Ah but he may actually be superior

Whatonearth07957 · 11/09/2023 18:20

He sounds like an uncouth arse with an entirely unfounded superiority complex.

electriclight · 11/09/2023 18:13

Some nasty comments here about him living with his parents.

Somehow nobody ever gets upset when a daughter stays at home.

Nothing to suggest he's a layabout, smelly or infantilised.

Just a man who wears shorts around his house in a heatwave.

GentrifiedLDN · 11/09/2023 14:35

Stop being prudish.

Fallingthroughclouds · 11/09/2023 13:41

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

When everyone is screaming assault and abuse at minor things it minimises actual abuse. Sounds like normally he would hug and kiss her (in a very non sexual way) and that's fine. She didn't want him to this time because his top was off, he wasn't to know that unless she said. I think it's counter productive to be try to dramatise this and turn it into something that it clearly isn't.

BodegaSushi · 11/09/2023 13:29

Weird of you to find it weird. There are many other countries where men being barebacked in their own home is a norm and no one would bat an eye. Not wanting to hug/kiss someone clammy is perfectly reasonable, but the bare back thing is fine

LoobyDop · 11/09/2023 13:28

YANBU to not want to hug your sweaty, half naked brother. YABU to be angsting about it instead of just saying, eugh, keep your sweaty nakedness over there, thank you.

ManateeFair · 11/09/2023 13:23

Looking at your follow-up responses, it seems to be that perhaps you have some other issues, maybe even subconscious, that are not really about your brother walking round without a shirt on. You say that you love your brother, and I'm sure you do! But talking about him looming over you and invading your space and focusing so much on him being shirtless reads to me as if your discomfort here is actually about something else entirely - something that's maybe not even connected with your brother, but maybe related to negative experiences with men in general?

My brother also lives with my mum, and while I love him him dearly (and for the most part we get on really well) he can be utterly infuriating and there are times when I've been really angry with him and have told him outright that he needs to step up and stop being an arsehole. However, I can't imagine having a problem with him being shirtless and giving me a hug, and I can't imagine thinking of that in terms of him looming, invading my space etc. If he tried to hug me when he'd just come in from his boxing workout and he was sweaty, I'd probably go 'Urrrgh, get off, you're minging' and he'd laugh. So I'm just wondering if maybe you've had previous experiences (either with your brother or other men) that have affected you.

Deathbyfluffy · 11/09/2023 13:14

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

For a bit of drama, shall we just upgrade it to sexual assault?
Ffs it's her brother, get a grip 😅

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 13:12

hellohelp · 11/09/2023 12:10

You sound like my mum when she comes into my house and DP doesn't have a top on

Not your house not your problem. Yabu

To be fair, it’s not his house either. I am not mortally offended by it or viewing it as a major problem but am surprised about wandering around in just boxers or shorts. My DH and sons wouldn’t do it and neither would have my DF. It all seems a bit Jack Duckworth! Then there’s the issue of looming over me, invading space and mocking my discomfort. I do accept that I am in the minority though but value that at least some PP’s appreciate where I’m coming from. I will leave it here now though, thank you for opinions and replies.

OP posts:
hellohelp · 11/09/2023 12:10

You sound like my mum when she comes into my house and DP doesn't have a top on

Not your house not your problem. Yabu

Original poster
celestialritz · 11/09/2023 09:07

Trixiefirecracker · 11/09/2023 07:21

If he’s 40 and still living with his mother he’s probably infantilised, hence imitating you. Strange behaviour.

I think this is insightful - thanks.

OP posts:
MattyTeddy · 11/09/2023 08:45

Not U to not want sweaty skin pressed against you but unless you grabbed you on a bear hug it doesn't sound like that happened.

You are U thinking he's weird being topless in his own home on an extremely hot day.

Jevwaypock · 11/09/2023 08:40

Sounds like a normal brother to me? If you don’t like him bare chested in his own home in a heatwave tell him to back off when he goes to greet you.
He’s your brother not a stranger!

BygoneDays · 11/09/2023 08:37

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

Definitely. OP should get on to the police straightaway. I would have dialled 999 at the first sight of him, he is practically a rapist.

gardenlaundry · 11/09/2023 08:35

I popped round to see my brother once and he'd just walked in, all sweaty after a run. He went in automatically to give me a hug and I said 'Eeww sweaty beast, go get changed first'. And he did.

Unless there's a huge back story, your situation just seems like normal sibling banter.

ZadocPDederick · 11/09/2023 08:23

I don't see why it's weird. But if you want to discourage him, comment on his moobs.

topnoddy · 11/09/2023 08:15

Riapia · 11/09/2023 04:48

To be hugged and/or kissed against your will is assault.

Best call the rozzers and get him locked up then !

NoPuddingForYou · 11/09/2023 08:05

Trixiefirecracker · 11/09/2023 07:21

If he’s 40 and still living with his mother he’s probably infantilised, hence imitating you. Strange behaviour.

Or he’s moved in to help while his mother is unwell, or he’s there for a few months while his home is being refurbished, or…

ApolloandDaphne · 11/09/2023 07:58

I would be more weirded out by my DB kissing me than not having a top on. Kissing doesn't happen in our family apart from the creepy uncle we all avoid.

GoryBory · 11/09/2023 07:48

electriclight · 11/09/2023 06:31

I think fine for him to be bare chested in his own home, particularly in this weather.

Maybe he'd put a shirt on if royalty was visiting, but you shouldn't really need to behave differently when your sister pops in.

I guess giving you a kiss on arrival is just what he usually does. Just tell him not to if you don't like it.

I don't see the voice mimic as particularly awful, no worse than you thinking you can tell off a man in his 40s for what he's wearing in his house.

I agree.

I don’t hug/kiss my brother as it’s not something our family do but he’s shirtless most times I go round there and it doesn’t bother me because he’s my brother.

I’m also wearing next to nothing in this heat because I’m hot and it’s my home.

I wouldn’t feel the need to change my outfit because my family are coming around

Nagado · 11/09/2023 07:46

It’s completely reasonable not to want a sweaty, half naked man anywhere near you in this weather, certainly not getting close enough to kiss you.

It’s completely unreasonable to go into his home and complain that he’s not suitably dressed to receive you. If it bothered your DM then that would be completely different as he’s in her house.

AccountCreateUsername · 11/09/2023 07:43

Hi OP, I’d find that annoying too, especially an always there adult sibling seemingly loafing around half naked. I think there’s a backstory there. Does your brother work?

Is it possible to bring / invite your mum to your home for visits? Or meet somewhere out of her house?

Also, I’d be able to say to my sibling ‘wtf, put some clothes on’. Why hasn’t he moved out before? Has he had a gf?

lap90 · 11/09/2023 07:26

He's a 40 year old man so your comment is weird . If you dont want him to come near you without a top then just say.

Wellshellsbells · 11/09/2023 07:22

Ah stop! A husband , a teen and a pre teen in my house, you can’t move without seeing a nipple here and if someone came in to their home and was offended by them,I’d hope they’d get out sharpish!